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ghost of you 08 | the letter
dear calum,
if you're reading this it means i'm either dead or i'm alive and you found this letter laying somewhere. hopefully it's not the latter, if it is, i'll be to crawling in a hole and never coming back out !
okay lets get back on track, i am writing this letter for many reasons, one of them being how sorry i am.
i feel like i have many things to apologise for. to be honest i knew that this was going to happen. i didn't tell you but i've had this feeling in my gut for the past week, i can feel myself getting worse and worse by the minute. i'm sorry that i'm leaving all of you, especially you. if it was up to me, you know i'd choose to stay, no matter the pain, but it's out of my control. i'm sorry.
but calum, baby, please remember that you are not alone. you have a lot of people who love you so much so please talk to them. you have mali, luke, ash, mikey, sierra, kaykay, crystal, etc. they love you so much and they are going to be there for you every step of the way. please don't keep it all in, it's not going to help. if you keep it in, there's no way you can heal properly, you will never be able to accept this.
it's really weird trying to accept how much time i have left. when i was young i imagined myself growing old with the love of my life, having 2-3 kids, just a perfect life, you know? but the thing i've realised since my first diagnosis is that life in fragile, precious and unpredictable and we aren't promised a tomorrow so we should live life to the fullest.
as much as it pains me to say this, this is goodbye. not forever, just for now.
just remember this cal, i love all of you with every fiber in my body, you have given me the best life i could ever ask for. you would always say how lucky you were to have met me, but let me tell you something, i was the lucky one. you gave me everything i could ask for, you were always so kind to me and i could tell from the start that it was genuine. you were so caring, funny and you were the first person to treat me like a human and not a fragile piece of porcelain that would break at any given moment.
but as you read this letter i want you to promise me something. i want you to promise that you will move on, that you will find someone else and love them with the same passion you loved me with. i want you to live life like every day is your last. if you meet someone, don't hold back, all i want if for you to be happy.
i want you to make another promise to me. don't let them forget me, you know thats my biggest fear. being forgotten. when people think of me i want them to think of my laughter, my smiles, the memories we made. when people think of me i want them to think of the girl who kicked cancers' ass for 9 years not the girl who was lost to cancer. just tell stories about me, tell them all the things i couldn't.
tell them my story.
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authors note hi ! so tbh i didn't want publish this chappie but ariana told me to so hear you go !
also i wanna know how y'all think imma end this book ?
