Homestuck X Readers

Pranking MASTER (John X Reader)

{TW: #fluff #swearing #nic cage movie(s)}

'How the actual hell did John convince me to come over for a movie marathon?!' You thought as you sat down on Egderp's couch, curled up in a (f/c) blanket with a small bowl of pretzels. 'Oh yeah,' you remembered, 'It's because I fucking love him.'

It was true, you'd fallen for the incredibly dorky, Cage-enthusiastic windy boy for a while now. You two had about half of your classes together, so of course you got to know each other. Sadly, spending time with John had only gotten you into the dreaded BEST FRIEND ZONE.

"Ready for the movies, (y/n)?" The dork himself asked, entering the room with a HUGE stack of movies in his arms.

You helped him carry some of the various DVDs and VHSs he'd selected, glanced at the titles, and frowned. "John?" You asked while placing the movies on a nearby coffee table, "Uh, I've never seen any of these." You'd only assumed they were shitty because the Striders said so, but in reality, you had no idea what to expect.

"What?!" John stared at you in disbelief, then held up a VHS tape. 'He still has one of those?! That's pretty ancient technology!!' You thought quickly before he nearly shoved the tape in your face. "Not even THIS one?!?!"

You gently took the VHS tape and examined it. Your (e/c) eyes scanned the title, "Con Air," and a few of the actor's names before shaking your head. "Nope. But it's got Nic Cage, so it can't be THAT bad, right?"

"..."

"...What?"

"(f/n) (l/n), you're not leaving until we watch every single Cage movie that I own."

"Oh noooooooo I'm soooooooo scared!!" You laid the sarcasm on pretty thickly.

"Heh, you sound like Vriska."

"Whatever, Egderp."

"Hey!!" John glared at you for using that nickname as you giggled, but he couldn't stay mad at you. Instead, he play-tackled you onto the couch and started doing something diabolical........ Tickling you senseless!! {If you're not ticklish, sorry. Just use your imagin8tion :::;o)}

"John!! Hahahahaha!! St-STAHP!!! Aaahahahaha!!! Pl-pleAHAHAAHHA!!!!" Your feeble attempts at stopping this guy failed miserably.

"No way, (y/n)!! Not until you say who the pranking master is!!!" He countered.

"O-okay!!! Ok-kay!! You are!!!" You managed to spit out between giggles. John stopped tickling you and sat up, somewhat straddling you in the process. You were breathing heavily and didn't notice the position you two were in, or that there were now two pairs of eyes staring at you.

"Glub."

John looked away towards the source of the noise, which turned out to be Casey, his pet salamander/"daughter." "Oh! Casey! There you are, girl!" He said as he flashed his signature dorky grin.

You finally regained your composure to realize exactly where you were. "Uh... John? You're kinda..." You muttered, then started blushing wildly.

"Hm? Oh. OH." The windy boy matched your red face and climbed off of you. "Heh, sorry."

"Nah, it's cool..." You trailed off as Casey started glubbing rapidly while gesturing in the direction of the kitchen.

"Dammit!! I forgot!! I need to feed Casey her lunch!!" John shouted before absconding into the kitchen. You heard him pull out a pot or something, so you figured it might be a while before he returned to the couch. You sat up, put your head in your hands, and sighed.

"Glubaglub?" Casey crawled up next to you, looking at you in what seemed like concern.

"It's just... I don't know, Casey." Wow. Are you seriously confiding in a salamander??

"Glub glub, glub."

"Well... It's John."

"Glub?!"

"What?! No!! Not like that!!"

"Glubaglub!! Glub, glub glub!"

"Okay, okay, so I have a bigass crush on him. Sue me."

"Glub. Glubaglub??"

"Confess? How? And what if he doesn't like me back? It'll be super awkward!! We might not even be friends after that!!"

"Glub glub!!!!"

"Then I'd rather be a cowardly little shit."

"Glub-"

"CASEY!! COME GET YOUR FOOD!!" John called from the kitchen, interrupting your "conversation." The little salamander hopped off of the couch and made a quick hand motion before scurrying to John. 'Did a salamander just give me a fucking thumbs up AND DATING ADVICE?! MINDFUCK.'

A few minutes later, John came back, popped "Con Air" into the VHS, and sat next to you, draping an arm across your shoulders. 'What what what what what what what what' was literally the only thing going through your brain at the moment.

~~Tiime2kiip courte2y of 2ol'2 double dang2 and double dong2~~

About halfway through the movie, you were pretty hooked, but also kinda tired. You tried to stifle a yawn, but failed, causing John to look over at your peaceful figure. He grinned as a devious plan began forming in his prank-filled brain. "(Y/n)?" He asked, "Can I say something really quickly?"

You looked up at him and smiled. "Sure, John. What's up?"

"So... Uh... I heard you talking to Casey earlier..." Oh. OH SHIT. Your face instantly lit up when he said that.

"And... Well... I don't feel the same..."

You just sat there. And stared. And tried not to bawl your eyes out, but tears were starting to form at the corners of your (e/c) orbs.

"Because I don't like you..." John looked down at you and plastered on his goofiest, dorkiest grin ever, "I love you, (y/n)!!!"

You gasped, processed what John Fucking Egbert just said, and threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his waist. "John!!! You're an asshole!!!" You half cried, half laughed into his chest.

"Well, I AM the Pranking Master! You said it yourself," he replied, hugging you tightly. You just kept crying happily, while John tried to calm you down by rubbing circles on your back, running a hand through your (h/l), (h/c) hair, and repeating comforting things into your ear.

Eventually, you calmed down enough to sit up and peck John on the cheek. "I love you, John." You whispered.

"I love you too, (y/n). More than Nic Cage."

You giggled a little. "You're such a dork!"

"Yeah, but at least I'm YOUR dork, right?"

"Of course."