Raelynn Mazalea Swan

Suicidal

(Jasper's POV)

The minute Bella tried to send Edward to get something Rae got absolutely terrified, then Bella explained she has Manic Depression which made the lifeless and dead thing make sense that is always coming off her. Her outburst shocked all of us, what shocked us and also made everyone very sad was when Bella told us she was trying to get one of us to kill her. How could we possibly harm this sweet girl. Carlisle went to doctor mode when she broke her hand, then again when Bella said she tried to commit suicide, which hurt Esme because as a human she jumped off a cliff and had to be turned. 

Edward appeared and handed her the medicine and Esme gave her water, the minute she swallowed the pill Bella caught her and the cup as she fainted, Bella had been slowly moving toward her as soon as she had the meds in her hand. Carlisle went major doctor mode and I became severely worried, I took her from Bella and cradled her in my lap Carlisle said "Rae? RaeLynn? Can you hear me?" Bella cut him off and said "its no use she won't wake up for an hour, she never does." Carlisle turned on her and said "what the hell did you give her?" Bella said "because she is violent to herself and others the doctor in Arizona prescribed her mirtazapine" Esme said "what is that? Is she ok?" Bella said "she will be fine" Carlisle said "not only is it an antidepressant but it also severely lowers blood pressure making even the slightest move making you fall or faint. It is rarely given to children, only in extreme cases where nothing else can help the Childs condition. Bella how long has this been going on?" Bella said "she was 13 when she was sent to Arizona." 

Carlisle said "how come he sent her, and why does she blame Alex?" Alex stepped up and said "Charlie daughter kissing a boy, it was her first kiss, totally innocent a simple peck and he called her a whore and shipped her away thinking he failed her. She blames me because he asked me if he was too hard on her and I said that she was bound to kiss a boy or girl eventually but she would survive in Arizona I thought she needed a mother figure. She blames me because I could have said he was too hard and he wouldn't have sent her, I caused her pain not on purpose." Bella said "on a deeper level she doesn't blame him, she blames herself but it's easier to be mad at him than to accept her own thoughts. Her own mind tells her that she doesn't deserve love or deserve to live, she constantly battles that sometimes she breaks down. Well you saw how that ends up she always causes herself pain, but she need it had to be quick pain due to you all. She got to Arizona and immediately started drinking and doing drugs, then that pedophile showed up and well now we got Rae the badass because letting people in gets her abused." 

This hurt my heart, she was suffering and I didn't show up to see her, I didn't save her from him. I hugged her close to me and said "is that why she doesn't want to love me? Why she doesn't want me to love her?" Bella said "she loves you Jasper" I said "I know Bella I can feel it, it is the only good emotion she has." I took her upstairs to my study, she felt safe there when she was younger maybe it will help her now.

(RaeLynn's POV)

I woke up and saw the room full of books from when my mom died, and I came to a realization. I was utterly happy, I felt safe and content in the confines of these four walls. I sighed and let my mood shift to the safe and content feeling I haven't had since I was 10 years old. Once I was relaxed I realized I was wrapped in cold arms I said "Jasper what is this room? Why is it safe?" He said "Well this is my study or well bedroom since we don't sleep I have it as a study. You know why it is safe my dear, think on it your 10 year old self had the right answer." I laid in his arms for five minutes while I thought of it then remembered my feeling. I said "we are mates aren't we? When I was little I just knew we were meant to be." I sat up and looked at him and he said "yes Rae we are" I sighed and said "I'm sorry" he looked at me and said "for what?" I said "my break down? That I'm your mate? That you're stuck with someone who is screwed up? That I let myself get raped? I don't know for existing I guess." 

He pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him and said "RaeLynn Mazalea Uley-Swan you have nothing to be apologizing for. I love that you are my mate, even if I could choose one myself it would still be you. You are not screwed up, and I am not stuck with you, I will choose you day in and day out for eternity. You don't get to apologize and take blame for what that... deadman walking did to you, when you told me he beat and raped you all I wanted to do was rip his head off, however I don't think you'd like that much so I didn't but if he ever comes back for you I might not have the strength to let him walk away. No man does that to the one he loves ever. As for existing I was simply surviving without knowing you, meeting you is what awakened me and made me alive so if you didn't exist life would be hell on earth. RaeLynn I realize you don't want me now but that is ok because I love you and I will wait for you, for as long as it takes. You are the only woman for me" 

I smiled slightly and said "your right I'm not ready but even if I were I doubt Charlie would let me date even you, I can't kiss a boy without him labeling me as a whore." he said "Alex has Alice and Bella has Edward" I smirked and said "yeah well Edward is Bella's first boyfriend and first kiss plus she is 17 and a virgin, and Alex well he is a guy, brothers always have different rules because boys will be boys as they say." I heard an indigent "Hey!" come from Bella so I said "you tell my secrets I tell yours." Alex came in with Alice and said "I do not have different rules because I'm a guy" I said "oh really? Jasper when did you guys show up?" he said "two years ago" I said "Alice When did you two start dating?" she said "uh two months after we got here, two years ago" I said "Edward how old were we two years ago" He said "your 15 so 13" I smiled and said "case in point. Two years ago I kissed a boy and who had asked me to be his girl and I get shipped away and called a whore. Two years ago Alex kissed Alice a girl and he gets to stay and to date her going on two years now. We are twins so both of us were 13 only difference was I'm a girl and he is a boy." 

Alice said "yeah Alex she got you there" Bella said "then explain me?" I said "ok Renee raised you, now you live here but you are 17 and will be 18 in 4 months so even if he did ground you like he did me it would be 4 months while mine is 3 years so there is no point, plus you could always choose to go back to Renee, he is my only legal parent I have zero choices" Bella said "ok well Charlie wants us home" 

I sighed getting up, we got to the truck and Alex got in the middle, Alice, Jasper, and Edward followed us and I said "Bella drop me off at a park or I'll walk my damn self." she said "what? No Rae we gotta go home" Alice said "come on RaeLynn don't do this" Jasper said "Rae why the park?" I said "you can feel emotions and you really think I'm about to go home? It's not the first time I slept In a park and I guarantee it won't be the last." Bella shook her head so I jumped out and started walking. Jasper grabbed my hips stopping me in my tracks and Carlisle said "come on RaeLynn do you honestly think it will help?" I said "absolutely being away from him helps immensely. Guys just imagine for one second my point of view, I have a father who hates me, most likely because his relationship with my mother failed when I was one, I look exactly like my mother did at my age. just imagine the one person, your father, someone who helped give you life hates you. Then tell me you'd walk into that house. I can't keep facing him alone and frankly though I love them immensely my siblings are useless in this point of time"Bella said "Rae no this is not the answer" I said "fine whatever" I jumped back in the truck, a new plan forming in my mind.

We walked inside and he immediately said "Bed now RaeLynn Mazalea!" I rolled my eyes as my siblings stared at me sadly, I went upstairs grabbed my spare room Keyes from both siblings rooms and from Charlie's then went to my room and locked my window, my door, then went into the bathroom locking that window and door.  I got a text from Alice, apparently she added me to a group chat labeled Family and it had all the Cullens, Bella, and Alex in it as well. 

AC- Rae come on don't do this

JH- RaeLynn unlock the window, let me in I can help

AJ- What is going on with Rae?

I sliced two deep vertical cuts in to my wrists then replied 

RM- Im sorry guys, I love you guys. Jasper I am in love with you but I cannot do this, I cannot deal with this and I shouldn't have to, I am taking myself out of this equation. jasper I wish we could be together but I'm not mentally strong enough for this. Im. Sorry!

After I sent that I heard banging on my door and Charlie said "what the hell is going on?" then silence, Charlie said "hold on ill get my key" Bella said "we can't find ours she probably took all three." Then I heard Carlisle say "Charlie I will buy you a new door but I'm kicking this in" then I heard a boom as I slid down the wall and passed out.