Nothing But Trouble

36/in my mind

chapter 36: in my mind
lucas kingston

I stared off into space, clutching my phone in my hand. Even if I wanted to call her—which I still wasn't sure if I did, I couldn't because of Vince. My chest tightened with rage just at the thought of that fucker. I knew I should've just kicked his ass when I first saw her at Uncle Tommy's.

No, I wasn't going to think about her.

I put my phone down and picked my guitar back up to lay it across my lap, holding the pick between my teeth as I messed with the amp it was plugged into. Jude had written another song and I was supposed to learn it by the time I leave in an hour for our band practice. I had come up with a couple songs over the years, but Jude pumped them out like a machine.

I read over the scribbles on the sheet music again and listened to the recording of the bridge one last time, before playing it myself. I swirled around in my desk chair, closing my eyes and switching chords at the right time. It was a good song, a little bittersweet sounding, but it encompassed how I felt right now. Jude must've been feeling the same way as he usually puts his own emotions into the songs he writes. I hummed along to the guitar, finding the pitch that worked best for my voice and trying it differently a couple times until it worked.

I opened my eyes again so I could make the changes on the sheet music and practically felt my soul leave my body when I saw my mom staring creepily at the doorway. Okay not creepily, it was lovingly but you can't sneak up on a guy like that.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked. She entered my room, stepping over the pile of dirty clothes I'd left on the ground and carrying a plate of cut up fruit in her hands.

"Aren't you hungry? You've been in here all day. You need to eat, meu Lucas." She set the plate down, ignoring my question as she patted my head.

"Thanks," I told her and she broke out into a smile. She squeezed my chin.

I stuck a fork in the cut up cantaloupe and placed it in my mouth. She left without another word, but I didn't think anything of it. She does this a lot, bringing me food without me even asking. Maybe its a foreign thing. Maybe its just a doting parent thing.

I stuffed a couple more pieces in my mouth then got back to plucking at the thick metal strings. I had to get it down before this weekend for our show at Blue Pigeon and Jude wanted to use this song in our setlist. We've been doing a lot of covers lately; he'd thought it'd be good if we had more original songs and I agreed.

        The AC in my room turned on, the vent overhead gusting out a load of wind that pushed my papers onto the floor. I leaned down to grab them and looked at the song that had stayed on my desk next to me. Hot embarrassment crawled up my neck and face. I snatched it up, like I was afraid someone would see it and know all my secrets. I had forgotten I wrote this in the early A.M. two weeks ago, inspired by a dream I'd had with her in it.

        I read over it for a split moment before I was consumed with second-hand embarrassment for who I was two weeks ago. Fuck, I was a sappy motherfucker when I was tired. I crumpled it up into a ball and tossed it in the trash, getting back to the task at hand.

        I got my fingers positioned over the fretboard, but then I hesitated. My foot bounced a bit on the floor. I cracked my neck of its kinks and air bubbles. I got ready to play again, then at the last second scooped the paper ball out of the empty garbage can, flattening it out and making sure it wasn't too damaged.

"Oh fuck," I sighed and put my head on my desk. "I was being such a pussy."

Riley's words popped into my mind, sending a chill down my spine out of fear. She thought I was a pussy for a different reason, but I had rerun the situation over in my head countless of times and I still believe Blake was in the wrong. She only heard the end of it when I was trying to hurt Blake with my words, she probably didn't know the extent of what happened.