Set My Heart On Fire

20 'Admitting it'

Aiden sat on her couch, the cops had taken Noel away and she was still waiting to hear something about his arrest. She was still slightly shaken up about what happened, but she tried to forget about it just like she's been trying to forget about everything else.

There was a knock at her door, and she stood up, she unlocked it and opened it to reveal Hammond standing there with his hands in his pockets.

They stood and stared at each other for a moment, Hammond knew what he needed to do so he stepped forward and embraced her into a hug.

He held her tighter and it took Aiden a minute to try and figure out what was happening. She relaxed and began to sob; her tears soaked his grey shirt and she squeezed the fabric.

"That's it... It's okay" he whispered, and they sank to the floor.

Hammond stayed with her until she finally fell asleep, he carried her to her bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He tucked her under the cover and was about to leave, "I loved her so much" a small voice whispered as he turned back to Aiden. Her eyes wide open as she stared at him.

"I know" he sat on the bed.

"I know that I have been... dismissive" she started, "But I can't Dom, it all happened so fast and when she wouldn't wake up I—" she stopped when she felt more tears falling down her cheeks.

"Everyone's right... I'm not okay" she sniffed, and Hammond gave her a sympathetic smile, he took of his jacket and boots as he crawled into bed next to her and wrapped an arm round her.

She laid her head on his chest and breathed in deeply, "I spoke to Dangelo... the department agreed to give her a Firefighters funeral" he whispered.

"It's what she deserves" Aiden had tears falling from her eyes still.

"Let me" Rosen helped Aiden tie her hair back as Aiden adjusted her tie on her uniform.

Rosen finished and placed both hands on Aiden's shoulder, "I don't—I don't think I can do this I—" Aiden started to panic but Rosen shook her hand and cup her face in her hands.

"Hey, look at me" she wiped away the tears from her cheeks, "You need to do this, for her" she smiled, and Aiden nodded.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes, "Let's go" Rosen patted her back and held her hand as she led her out of the locker room and to the fire trucks.

They drove to the chapel where the service was being held, the whole way there Aiden didn't speak a word nor did she show any emotion.

She watched the casket get carried into the building, she was the last to go in and the first to speak. She climbed up the steps uneasily as she stood next to the microphone and looked out to all the Firefighters and smiled.

"Nancy Owens... she was—" she stopped when she felt an empty feeling wash over her when she said her name. "Nancy was kind, selfless, and one of the bravest Firefighters I had ever seen. I can only hope to live up to the example she set for all of us" she looked to her team as she saw tears falling from their eyes.

"Some of you may know that... Nancy and I were supposed to be getting married today, but we're all in this chapel for the wrong reason. She could always make me smile, no matter how sad or how bad the days where she could—she could always brighten the day. I've come to realize that I've been ignoring how I feel about losing her and I've done a lot of stupid things. If she saw me now I'm not sure how she'd react but I know she'd tell me, tell all of us..." she paused and took a deep breath.

"That we're all a family, and we need to stick together" she stared ahead of her as small tears rolled down her cheeks.

She stood up straight and took one last glance to the casket, she smiled before stepping down and walking down the aisle and to the double doors.

She grabbed the handle and smiled to herself, "I do" she whispered before pulling open the door and leaving.

"To Nancy" they all clunked their glasses together at the bar, after the funeral the team came to here and ordered a round of drinks while they talked about the best things about Nancy, well, the team did.

Aiden was sitting at the bar, her tie half undone, and the top button of her shirt was unbuttoned as well. She took a sip of her beer and sat leaning her chin on the palm of her hand.

Her mind was wandering, she was clutching the ring in her hand. Nancy's last words were still whirling around in her head, she felt like crying, but her eyes were empty. She wanted to yell but nothing came out. She was just drained.

Drained of all feeling in her body, mentally and physically. She grunted and picked up her things, storming out of the bar and leaving.

The team watched their Captain leave, Hammond was tempted to go after her, but Rosen held him back.

Aiden drove all the way home; she opened the door to her house. The instant reek of whiskey, remembering when Hammond and Rosen had to stop her form choking. She clenched her fist when thinking about the memory.

She walked into her room, taking off her tie and shoes. She made her way into her bathroom and turned on the shower, hearing the water running slowly as she removed her clothes ans stepped inside. Aiden closed her eyes and let the memories flood her head:

She's unprofessional, immature, unorganized—... And standing right behind you.

You're a real asshole

Are you done?.... No... Good

This reckless behavior is going to get you both killed!

You did something and it scared me but... I think I want you to do it again

Aiden felt the water wash away her tears when she heard Nancy's voice continuously whirl in her mind:

Aiden we gotta move this thing is gonna collapse!

Girlfriend... Girlfriend

I love you Aiden

Marry me

You didn't get lucky... you got me

Look at me... I love you

Red velvet sound nice

Don't you dare do this to me

I do

Twenty-four hours ago the love of your life died in your arms

There was something you could've done to save her... wasn't there?

Aiden gritted her teeth when Noel's words rushed through her head, she leaned her forehead against the tiles and clenched her fists, all the memories tormenting her:

My sister is dead... And the blood is on your hands.

If you think walking in here and pointing a gun at my head is gonna solve everything?... Then what are you waiting for?

Because what the fuck have I got to live for?

I'm not okay.

Aiden let out a weak sob as she sunk to the ground, the water falling on her head as she buried her face in her hands. All these voices rattled around in her mind as she tried to calm down but simply couldn't. Everything good she had was gone. She was gone.