Set My Heart On Fire

19 'I wish it were her'

Aiden sat at the bar, hanging her head back as she downed another shot of tequila. "You're pretty good at this" the girl next to her laughed as Aiden smiled.

"I guess I am" she muttered.

Shift ended not too long ago, and she felt guilty for all the lying, she'd lied to the whole Fire House when she said she was fine, she lied to Hammond when she said she wasn't drinking.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" the girl asked, and Aiden took a moment to think, she thought of Nancy and what she would think if she knew this what she was doing. She pushed the thought out of her head and nodded at the girl.

Aiden woke up the next morning in her bed, she turned to her side and saw the same girl form last night asleep. Aiden climbed out of bed and got dressed, she made some coffee and breakfast, leaving it on the bedside table for the girl before heading off to work with a headache and a broken heart.

This was almost like a routine, she'd finish work, go to a bar, drink till she felt numb, and then went home with another girl.

She didn't know why she was doing what she was doing, actually, she knew exactly why she was doing this. She just refused to admit it to herself because she is trying to forget about what happened. But it's easier said than done.

She was still drunk, and she stumbled into her office, managing to avoid everyone. She sat down in her chair and the second she did a voice popped up in her head.

"Wow, I die, and this is what you do?" she looked around the room, but no one was there.

"Jesus, shit..." she groaned and rubbed her temples.

"Drinking and sleeping with other women instead of admitting that fact that you're fucking heart broken because it would make you look weak?" she heard the same voice again as she stood up and looked around.

"Who the fuck—?" she sat back down and tried to focus on one thing at a time.

"God you're pathetic, wish I didn't say yes" this time Aiden knew who it was, and she stood up.

"Nancy?" she looked around the room again but just as before, she saw nothing but her empty office.

She opened her small box under her desk, she placed it on the desk and opened it. It had all her old medication in it for emergencies. She grabbed some paracetamol for her headache, she didn't know how many to take so she just took out three and shoved them in her mouth.

She felt her headache disappear and that small voice faded away, there was a knock at her door, "Come in" she called out and stood up hiding the box quickly.

"Hey Cap, everything okay? You were talking and it seemed... aggressive" Hammond stood there, arms behind his back and waited for her to answer.

"Yes. Everything's fine" she smiled.

"Okay, um. I just got news that Noel was released from Police custody. You think he'll stop by?" he asked her, and she tensed up a little.

"Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. We will just have to be here for him" she held her head up high and tried to keep a straight face.

"Copy that" Hammond nodded before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. He had a snide bad feeling about Noel being out of the Police's hands but Aiden seems unbothered by it so he should be the same, but then again, it's almost as if Aiden doesn't have nay emotion these days and she'd just... blank.

Aiden took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts, if Noel did decide to come here she needed to figure out what she was going to say to the brother of her dead lover.