Past Life Lessons (A Lams Fanfiction)

Making Up

Alex made the trip to the bathroom again. At this point it was becoming uncomfortably familiar, he really needed to stop doing this. He didn't walk as slow as the first time. Alex was a man on a mission, that mission being that he had to make up with his ex-lover, (mostly ex?) from two hundred years ago because he yelled at the other man for being completely valid.

It couldn't be that hard.

Sure he was lying to himself, trying to build up his crippling self esteem so that he could face a monster yet again. Not that John was a monster, but, this confrontation was just too much.

He had been wanting to do this from the start, maybe not the first week but definitely after that, and god forbid he end it now. Alex also had to worry about Angelica going off on his if he didn't go through with it. That was worse than whatever John had to say to him.

So here he was, five foot seven standing in front of a door that seemed to be getting bigger, in a room that felt way too small. His hands were shaking at his sides and he'd given up on trying to calm them long ago.

He raised his fist to the door and knocked. Once, twice, three times all in quick succession. He could hear footsteps coming, the deja vu was even worse now, and finally the doorknob turned.

John opened the door and looked down at Alex, who at this point must have been sweating bullets.

"H-hi."

Then the door slammed in his face.

"Hey John! I'm sorry can you just open up the door and we can talk." Alex went to knock on the door again but instead it opened.

"You haven't wanted to talk to anyone for the past month Hamilton." That hurt. Sure he'd been doing the same thing to John but at least he kept it in his head, John was right though, he didn't talk to anyone.

Anyone who saw him could easily see how angry John really was. His clenched jaw, crossed arms, his gaze seeming to look right through Alex making him feel even more terrible if it were possible.

"I know and I'm sorry. But I want to talk now."

The two stood there for a second in silence. Alex holding his breath for John's response and John thinking over what Alex had said.

"Fine." It was better than nothing. John walked back through the door, Alex following behind him. John sat down in the middle of the floor on what seemed to be a rug. Alex must have looked confused because John said, "Talking on the bed didn't go so well last time."

Alex sat down, not next to him, but right in front of John so that the two could look right at each other. John's dorm seemed happier than Alex's. There were finished paintings on the walls, photos of who Alex could only guess as being family and friends, John's desk was much more messy than Alex's. It was covered in dry paint and marker. John's dorm seemed alive, but John didn't seem so.

His hair was also unkempt, tied behind him in a desperate attempt to keep it somewhat clean. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to be a dark purple, which from Alex's own experience was never a good thing.

"You wanted to talk," John uttered. His voice didn't have the same bite as earlier, but he still managed to sound angry even when he was talking so quietly.

"Yeah."

John looked up at him.

"Oh right!" Alex forgot what he was going to say, he didn't plan anything it was all a spur of the moment thing. It was probably a mistake.

John let out a half hearted chuckle, "You know usually we couldn't get you to shut up."
Alex scratched at his wrist, "People change."

"I guess they do," the things Alex would do to make John sure of himself again. The spark was gone, much like himself and it hurt. Alex would move mountains, go to the deepest parts of the ocean. He'd do anything just for John to smile again, a real smile. Not some half done, awkward, break the tension smile.