Past Life Lessons (A Lams Fanfiction)

Help Is Okay

John threw down his phone onto the bed next to him. He had just been on a call with his father, who hadn't spoken to him in months. John's father wanted nothing to do with him once John made his way to college, he was already disappointed that his oldest son had decided to pursue art instead of something more traditional like politics or medicine.

His father was a politician and he believed that he had raised John right, obviously he was very wrong in that assertion. To his father John was nothing but one disappointment after another. Coming out to him was hard, the man was very 'traditional' in his ways, Henry Laurens wanted John to forget about his past and move on.

But how could he? When there was someone out there that he yearned for more than anything. Someone that he had spent years looking for only to lose track once again. How could he move past Alexander?

John told Henry all of that, and then some. He didn't mean to go off the way that he did. Truly and honestly he had wanted to keep his composure, to show that he was an adult and he could act like it. Then his father had to say such cruel things towards Alex. John had become immune to them himself, he could not bear anyone saying something so terrible about his Alexander though.

That's when he broke down, when the tears began to flow and when the tension became too much. It was when he let his anger get the best of him.

He was so stupid for letting that happen. 

John messed up, exponentially, he was completely ruined. With seven simple words his father had turned his world completely upside down.

"You are not seeing your siblings again."

Seven words, one sentence, and so much grief and guilt washed over him. It was his fault, all his fault, if he had just pretended a little more, not said a word about Alex he could still see them again.

He couldn't be the punching bag anymore, who'd be next? The thought of Henry yelling like he did at John to anyone of his siblings brought on another wave of sobs.

He started scratching at his palms and picking at his skin. This had to be fake, it was all too terrifying to be real.

But it was.

John wasn't going to see his siblings again. He was so lost. It was as if someone had trapped him in a maze without a single light, he couldn't find his way out. How was he going to fix this? Was it even remotely possible?

What if his siblings began to believe in what their father told them? John couldn't shake the thought, he'd really be lost then. Maybe he could try texting them, or was it too risky. Henry could have their phones, possibly deleting John's contact from everything the family owned.

He felt so alone.

There was a knock at the door before it swung open, John did not process any of it happening though as he was too far gone in his own head.

Alex stepped in and shut the door behind him, it had become a common thing after meeting Alex's father a few weeks ago, for one of them to enter into the others room. He saw John sitting on his bed, feet planted on the floor, his face red and blotchy. Normally Alex would find it cute when John's face went red, usually because it was Alex doing something stupid to cause it, but not this time. This was no laughing matter.

"Hey John." Alex wanted to get John's attention before getting any closer, especially before getting on the bed with him. It was an unspoken rule after Alex's incident.

If John had heard Alex he made no indication of it, so Alex braced himself and walked over to him. He crouched down in front of John and peered up at him. Tears were streaming down his face, it hurt Alex to see his boyfriend in such a state, he needed to fix this.