Dipshits in Space: Season 6

59: Psych Evaluation

Lawg sat in a metal chair with spotlights on him. Across the table was a very spiffy and highly polished looking suit-wearer with green reptilian skin.

"So...federal." Lawg said.

"Relax, this is just a mandatory psych evaluation for anyone serving in a ship in the last year. It's standard procedure, purely for the survey. Basically nobody ever fails this test unless you openly admit you are going to overthrow the government using your ship. It's a series of question, asked by a licensed psychologist lizard. It's absolutely required to complete, but there are no wrong answers."

"Why do I feel like there are several wrong answers...why are you writing that down? Was that one of the wrong answers?" Lawg winced.

Greg stared down the therapist Lizard in the room he was being evaluated in.

"I'm not even part of the crew anymore." he objected.

"Sir, you have a ship, and you have used it to make money, which means you need it registered. There's no license required to own a ship, you just need plates. There's no drivers-ed or anything."

"No kidding, or Lawg wouldn't pass. That Nimtard can't functionally operate a microwave. You know many microwaves he's put metal in?"

"But you did sign a human habitat manifest, which as of the survey registration deadline, makes you one of the crew for last year. I apologize for the inconvenience; please just take the evaluation seriously. It's virtually impossible to fail. Clearly your ship is scratch-built, and that's fine, we just need to stick a number on it. It's perfectly legal to build your own ship, we just do this to keep track. It shouldn't take but about 30 minutes to answer some simple questions."

"Simple...nothing is ever simple."

"It's pretty basic stuff, sir. Name, planet of origin, age." it asked.

"You might wanna use the back side for space." Greg smirked.

"Name, planet of origin, age." asked the Lizard, looking up at Roy sitting on the blue couch.

"Ukauuh-...wait, no. Sorry new memory core." Roy sighed. "Android 617-5543-11b-Gamma, legally emancipated free robot, and registered as Andy Roy D"

"Clever."

"Militia-arms Manufacturing center 773 on Twick-beta, I am 41 years old."

"See, easy questions."

"Duffy Marie LaCroix" Duffy sighed.

"Planet and age."

"Um...none of your damn business." she smiled.

"We're the government...everything is our business."

"Beta station 11264, orbiting Delmar 3."

"There is no station around Delmar 3."

"There used to be, things change and get lost."

"You're just making up a home planet." Therapy lizard sighed.

"Prove it." Duffy said, crossing her arms.

"William T Lawg, born aboard Cargo Freighter XL77141. I'm 38, but I'm told I look younger and sexier than that." Lawg smiled.

"What does the T stand for...Tiberius?"

"Oh that's nice, can I keep that?" Lawg asked.