The Dipshits enjoyed the dual suns of the planet Vacatoron 5, soaking in the rays and the warmth as the beach resort finished prepping their rooms.
"I hate this." Complained Lawg.
"Dude, you hate everything." Marley scoffed. "It's a tropical beach planet with fire-dancers and fruity drinks and bimbos, basically heaven for you...and you still manage to be butthurt because Greg owns it. We get 5 days and 5 nights free here and all we have to do is a 1-hour bullshit presentation about the timeshare ad. One hour of touring the shit we can't afford anyway, smile and nod, and then 119 more hours of pineapple rum and swimming, jet skis, cookouts and bikini-clad women of all species. Lighten up, I mean it's not a survival adventure, it's a chill and get fat in swim-trunks adventure."
"Even I'm stoked." Scoffed Roy. "Remember the commercial? That creepy Steven guy even pointed out the good nightclubs. I'm checking out the hottest bar in town. Look no further, Vacatoron's wildest new club is PORK!, Located under the pier-1 of the L.A. themed beach sector and main street. This place apparently has it all: They got wifi, lowfi, coconut cream pie, a lama, and you can even rent a human swiffer." Roy said, covering his mouth for a sneeze that chickened out.
"What's a human swiffer?" Asked Duffy.
"It's where a tiny Delmarian on a stick gets pushed around the floor in a mountain of cocaine." he said, awkwardly looking to Marley and looking away.
"Yea I'mma be hanging out here in the Hawaiian themed part. Don't even ask me to go there." Marley diverted. "Anyway let's go take that timeshare tour." he added ad Duffy groaned in annoyance.
"Not all of us. We'll catch the next one. My phone app just alerted us to a docking issue on the Tast-E-2. Me and Lawg have to check it out."
"Better than the tour." Lawg complained, following Duffy as the others headed to the tour kiosk to check out Greg's new business. "You get the registration papers and I'll meet you in the ship." he muttered.
Lawg stood on the escalator, heading up the ridiculously long incline to the shuttle-launching area. The escalator shuttered and stopped.
"Oh no. we could be stuck here for days." he said to the tall man a few steps below, ironically now eye-level.
"Don't worry, they fix these quickly, also a broken escalator is just stairs." he noted.
"What if the safety breaks fail?"
"Then things would escalate quickly." he smiled, realizing Lawg didn't get the joke. "Never mind. Rubby Tobbins, self help guru."
"Like from Gurunian-B?"
"Yep."
"I'm a starship captain, what do you do?"
"Mostly hypno-therapy. I help people with their problems and fears."
"Oh nice, I have a lot of those. Loneliness, dumbness, redundancy, loneliness, the inability to make money...fear in general, plus I'm super shallow."
"Well I can't give you free money, that's just bad business, and unfortunately you're a Chafee, so you'll be dumb forever, but why the loneliness? You're a good looking guy with his own ship and, I assume, a crew."
"Yea but, no babes on the crew. Just alien critters, a gay robot...and a fat chick."
"You say that like her weight is a dealbreaker. Is she nice?"
YOU ARE READING
Dipshits in Space: Season 6
Science Fiction...you even reading these things still? I mean at this point if you liked the other 5, you're gonna like this one, and if you didn't like the first 5, then why are you here? This is just silly. I don't have to tell you this season has the greatest r...
