Dipshits in Space: Season 6

69: Something something, marble rye, again.

"Okay, dumbass, quick recap." Duffy said, slapping Lawg to get his attention. "We need to find Ominous and kill him, without running into our other selves, without Greg knowing anything, without getting killed or arrested. Then we need to use the MacGuffin to self destruct, and void the time devices. We set the future permanently, and then go back to the new altered present. We split off, take our posts and no matter what, we regroup right here in this random cargo bay with no surveillance at 09:00 hours."

"Got it." Lawg nodded, racking his pistol.

"Now at this point in time, I'm the bad guy, so don't trust me unless I show you this cool charm bracelet, proving it's me."

"What if evil-Roy has one?" asked Lawg.

"Look at this fabulous shit, it's got rose-rhinestones on it. No robot piloted by a straight, white man would wear this willingly. Keep in mind that this version of me is mind-controlled and will probably kill or capture you on sight, so stay paranoid until I show the bracelet. Suit-Nazi dies in this one anyway so you can kill him at any point and it's fine, but you cant kill anyone else or the future is jacked up and we cant re-do it. Greg has to win the contest, otherwise it could change the future too much. Now we have never time traveled to our own past before, so if you run into your past-self it could destroy the universe in a paradox or you may simply pass out, we have no idea how this works. This isn't that difficult of a mission, it's just super important, and if anything goes off-script the stakes are high. So we all look for Ominous, find him, kill him, I download my current memory as a copy. Remember, this is before Lawg jacked up my USB and made it impossible to change my core personality files...asshole." Roy said kicking him in the shins. "So just be aloof, stay hidden, shoot bad-Roy. Stealth. Nobody get noticed."

Greg squinted, zooming in on the security screen. "Wow, they got here early...where the hell is the Tast-E-Turd?" he asked, trying to figure out how they got in the spare cargo bay E6 without a parking pass. He checked the security logs and saw nothing, checking the ranged scanners and noticing the Tast-E still a good ways out of docking range.

"What the ass?" he muttered. Who is piloting the turd? I swear they better not be robots."

Lawg slunk and slank down the hallway like some kind of hipster-doofus, or a shaved-Grinch. He froze, spotting himself in the horrendous pirate shirt, as he approached the tinker-tailor-spy shop.

"I got eyes on...well, myself. Most of us, actually." Lawg radioed.

"Good, don't let anyone see-"

"Crap!" he winced as something poked him. Menace stood with a dumbfounded look. "Hey Menace. How's it going? You good?' he asked nervously. She pondered, pointed at him, then down the hall at the suit-shop and then back at him.

"You can't tell anyone even if you could tell anyone, could you?"

"Luminum?" she shrugged.

"Okay good. You never saw me." he said, waving his hand like magic as she munched on some mints and copied his wave. He darted down the hall and behind a bulkhead.

"Dermatology!" she waved goodbye with a look of confusion. She leaned over to see the other Lawg. She lifted one finger, then a second, pondering her math for a moment, and then remembered she had food in her hand, and skipped along.

Roy tripped over a door transition, flattening out so the dipshits didn't spot him.

"I don't know Duff. There is no way to get this marble rye through the scanners. If we had another rye we could swap them later, but I don't know where to find one this late. The shops are closed." Past Lawg said.