The Unexpected Hero

Chapter 11: A RUN

   "Thank you, Aunt Penny. You didn't have to make us dinner."

"You've been out all day, I thought maybe you'd want something to eat."

"Thank you, ma'am," Trevor said.

"You're very welcome."After they had dinner, both of them walked into their own rooms. They said their goodnights and closed the door. Trevor walked into his room and sat on the bed. It was rustic and the room gave off an old western feel. There were hunting guns stashed in a glass case, a few pictures of what must have been Penny's son, pictures of horses, a black cowboy hat, and a pair of boots. Trevor walked over to the window and opened it. A crisp cold breeze swept across his face. He sucked the cold air through his teeth. Outside, the fountain gave off a calming peaceful vibe. Each drop gave a different feeling of peacefulness. He took off his shoes and shirt and climbed into the bed. Lying on his back he let his mind wander. The water in the background eased his racing mind. He thought of Diana. His breath slowed, and as he stared at the ceiling he shook his head.

Kate is never going to let me live. He thought. I should just keep running. He sat up in bed and sighed deeply. "I will never be forgiven. There is nothing I can do to redeem myself," he whispered. Jason probably hates me. He said he forgives me but he just said it for Diana's benefit. Diana hates me for making a move on her. No one loves me. Why am I even here? What is my purpose? "I'm not worth anything, so why go on?" Trevor covered his mouth. Why am I even talking out loud, no one wants to hear me talk. "I'm worthless," he spoke aloud.

There was a knock at the door. He looked at it but remained silenced. Again there was a quiet knock. Don't say anything, maybe she'll think I'm asleep. "Trevor?" she whispered. "Please, open the door. The walls are thin, I can hear you."

No. Don't answer the door, she doesn't care about me. It's all in my head. It always is.

"Trevor, please," she begged. "Open the door."

Trevor put his hands in his hair and breathed hard. It's all in my head, he thought. I've done too much!

The door opened, "Trevor? Are you alright?" Diana asked. Trevor lifted his head, but he remained sitting on the bed. "What is going on?" She put a hand on his bare shoulder. Her hand was cold to his skin.

"Honestly," he shook his head. "I don't know anymore. I just need time to think."

"You were in here 5 minutes and you're out of control with yourself."

"You know, maybe I am," he said softly. "I need to go take a walk or a run. My mind needs to be directed somewhere else." He stood, pulled his shoes on, and walked out. "I just need to think about something else," he whispered. Outside was colder than he thought. He inhaled sharply as he walked out of the house. His body shivered and his body heat retracted to his core. He started to run, getting his blood to pulse throughout his body, giving him heat. The cold air allowed him to feel awake and alive. He ran faster, unknowing of where his legs would take him. He forced himself not to think about anything but running. He ran past a few houses until there was nothing but miles of fields and orchards. He finally decided to stop and catch his breath. Breathing through his nose allowed him to control his heart rate and calm his racing mind. He looked up at the stars. There were so many and so beautiful. They twinkled and some fell. He laid down in a grass field. Looking up at the stars, he realized he was so small. My problems are only a small moment in my life. I can fix this. I should go back. Even though he thought about going back, the silence was comforting.

He sat there for what felt like hours. The moon had set and the stars became even brighter. All of a sudden he was blinded by a car's high beams. "What the..." he said aloud. He stood up and the car still had its lights on him. Finally, they turned off and someone stepped out of the car.

"Trevor?" Diana said.

"Yeah, I'm here," he replied.

She walked up to him. "What are you doing? I got scared you weren't coming back, so I came to find you. I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I didn't believe you were ok. Trevor, please come back and talk with me. It's going to be cold tonight, and it wouldn't be safe for you to be here."

Trevor rubbed his arms, "Yeah, I guess it will get kinda cold. Let's go." He got into the car and Diana drove them back. Quietly, they walked into the house and into Diana's room. The room was bigger than his, but still westerny. He stood against the closet door, while she sat down.

"Okay, now, would you like to explain what is going on with you?"

"I guess... it's just...I can't explain it. I started to think about it and I had an anxiety attack."

"And what were you thinking about?"

"It's nothing," Trevor lied.

"Trevor, I know you're lying. The truth."

He exhaled and sat on the floor. "I just feel like I can never be forgiven. I feel like everyone is watching me and judging my every move, and I feel like I can never make up for the pain I have caused. I don't want to go tomorrow. I want Kate to forgive me, but I don't believe she will. Heh, I don't even know what I'm going to say to her."

Diana looked down at him, but he didn't raise his head. "I see. Well, I think that you need to say what comes from your heart and mind. You have to tell her and make her understand what you want her to. Does that make sense? As hard as it sounds you need to be calm, or at least show it. I've never seen her angry, so I can't help you with that. But you need to understand that life isn't about being in your comfort zone. In order to move forward, you have to put yourself at risk. Not physical risk, ok maybe sometimes, but you need to push yourself. Trevor, not everyone in this world is out to get you. There are people who forgive. There are people who are kind and understanding. You know I am forgiving, and Jason has forgiven you. You just need to have a little faith and trust that everything will work out."

Trevor looked at her and smiled. "You'd think that your words would be calming and helpful, and they are. But I'm still terrified."

"And that is totally okay."

Trevor stood, "Thank you, Diana. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He walked out and into his room. If I live after tomorrow, I hope to find someone that is just as loving and kind as Diana is. He thought. Despite his fears, he got into bed and forced himself to sleep. 

_________