Within Their World

Cassie Waits for Chris

So I had a song I wanted you guys to listen to, but for some reason, the video media isn't working. So if you can, while reading, listen to the song, IDK You Yet by Alexander 23.

Cassie's POV

I stumble from my bed to my bathroom, passing the light, not needing anything to further along my hangover that's banging against the inside of my head.

I open the medicine cabinet, and with my fingers, spark a light for my eyes to find the pill bottle on the second shelf. I thought that the empty bottle and shot glasses would be enough to erase him from my mind but that man, my man, my little baby Jacob is still circling in my mind.

I want it to be the happy memories but whenever I close my eyes, but all I can think of is running up to the accident and seeing Jake being covered by that tarp.

Like he was nothing.

Like he was just another death that didn't matter in the scheme of things.

Like he couldn't be carrying our child.

         I feel tears prick my eyes and it makes grabbing the bottle even harder, my blurry vision from pain and alcohol. Once I finally get it in my hand, I get the top open, only to find it empty and useless. In a fit of rage, I through the hollow container at the mirror and I watch with a mild sense of satisfaction as it cracks.

          Leaving the bathroom now that I have no reason to be there, I stumble out of my room as well, needing to get away from the smell of him the one that won't leave me alone whereever I go.

          The one I'm still addicted to.

         I'm able to make it to the living room, pushing off the wall a few times in order to stay upright. When I get there, I find a table full of bottles and shot glasses, everything I need in order to drown away the thoughts that won't leave me alone.

        Jake, why did you have to go?

        I feel pain shoot through me at his name and I crash into the table, my hands reaching out to grab and shake bottles, looking for anything that will make the pain stop. That will make my thoughts stop going in circles over the one man in the world that was absolutely perfect.

        I wish I could go back in time and be in that car with him.

       Replace him.

        See him one last fucking time or at least be able to say goodbye.

        It's been over a month since he left me here alone on this world to survive without him and I dread waking up everyday.

        I push my matted hair out of my face as I find a beer bottle half full and drown the rest in a few gulps. But it's not enough. It's never enough. My mind never stop unless I keep drinking, keep going, until my brain can no longer work and I'm blacked out. The only time I can ever find peace anymore.

       Two weeks ago, I had my Choosing.

       It's one of my only memories that survived the alcohol and self loathing, sticking through me no matter how much I wish the thought would go away.

      The choice was right in front of me, two paths. I know I should have chosen to stick alone, any other option only leading me to move on from Jake. To leave behind the one love I promised myself I would never let go. And yet.

      When I got to the end of the trail, I found myself turning left, going down the path that lead to light and trees and waterfalls and someone waiting at the end.