Within Their World

Special Extra

I was supposed to post this with the first wave and forgot. I wondered why no one was talking about it lmao!

Cody's POV

      I lay in bed with shaky hands all my myself. James is at a meeting and I told him to go without me and J out a mental blanket over Jessie. Hopefully Jonah is still sleeping because right now I need to think.

        I don't want to get ahead of myself and get people excited for something that's not real. I'm trying not to get myself excited.

        It's a little too late for that.

        Today is the day that I finally see for myself if I'm pregnant.

         I want to be so bad.

         I've been waiting three years to get pregnant. It's all I've wanted ever since James and I met in high school. My hands begin to flutter again as my anxiety picks up and I can't help the whimper that falls form my throat. I've been putting off this stupid test for over a week now, scared of the results turning out negative.

          I don't know if I can handle anymore writing or disappointment. All I want is to have a family just a little bigger. I love my baby Jonah with all my heart. He's protective and sweet and one of my favorite people in the world.

          And maybe it's selfish of me to want my own baby. One that looks like me, came from me, grew in me. I want my own baby that I can say I made. I want the process of carrying around a child that my Mate and I made together after so many years of trying and failing. And I feel like that want is so so selfish. How could I possibly want more when I am so blessed already? I shouldn't but I really really do.

          Gnawing in my lip, I finally convince myself to get up out of bed, the first step to finding out if I when a baby today.
   
          Maybe I should have asked James to stay home.

           Then again, I wouldn't be able to handle his disappointment on top of my own.

           Since my anxiety is crushing me, I decide to wait on the test until I'm feeling a little bit better. With shaky hands ask dewey eyes I get out of bed and head towards the drawer in the middle. I pull out a fluffy sweatshirt that has a rainbow on it, the pony underneath making me smile.

           Once I pull it over my curls and fix my glasses, I go searching for my favorite fuzzy gray slippers. I find one under the bed and another beside the closet.

            I sit down on the floor and pull them on, wiggling my toes in them making me giggle to myself. Once I feel warm and secure, I quietly leave my room, sneaking past Jonah's and make my way to the kitchen.

           It's time like this where I'm glad I got an electric kettle for Christmas last year.

           Trying my best to be quiet, I grab my favorite tea, setting it on the counter before filling the kettle with enough water for two cups. One for before and one for after. Just in case. I set the kettle back in it's electric stand and start it up. While it begins to boil, I open my tea package and place it in the cup, going to find my sugar and honey. After I grab everything I need, my water is ready.

          I put everything away and go to stand in the porch with my cup, holding it in my shivering hands tightly as I look across the street at the forest across from.

          I remember three years ago when James brought me to this empty slice of land and told me that he was planning to put our home on it. Those weeks leading up to that day had been so rough and hard and with those few words it was like all of it didn't matter.