Care For Me

8

Jungkook's POV

A content smile accompanied me on my way back to the hotel. I tried to gather my thoughts and let everything that had happened tonight sink in. My heart was racing ever since I had left Y/N at her house and there was this soothing tingling all over my body. Not only had I spent time with her but she had fully opened up to me and finally explained why she was so rejective and cold towards me. I couldn't even imagine all the pain she had to bear all this time when she didn't have to. As much as it upset me, I was happy nonetheless. It gave me the opportunity to show her that no one but herself could make me leave. Being there for her and making sure that she knew that she was no longer alone was my number one mission right now. I was just glad that I was able to comfort her and hopefully take some of her insecurities. Of course there was something that had engraved itself into my brain more than anything else. If that "voice" happened to be her wolf, what had happened that she wasn't with her family or pack anymore? Wolves were too loyal to leave one of their own behind, let alone their pups. How did she end up so far away from the wolf territories? Now that I had a moment to think about everything, a million questions flooded my brain. Does she know that she's a wolf or did she really just put it off as a voice in her head? Shouldn't her "voice" know that she's a wolf? What if she had a ruthless wolf soul? One that had intentions of her own and used Y/N instead of supporting her? If that was the case, she would've done something like taking revenge on Isabelle and probably wouldn't have helped Y/N out so much in the past. Maybe I should leave it as it is for now because I couldn't find answers like this anyway. Too much guessing, assuming and insinuating had made me lash out on my Beta last time and I had sworn myself to never let that happened again. Especially considering that Jimin was completely defenseless right now. Best fighter or not, he couldn't take on an Alpha on his own. Nothing would make me escalate like that again. Harming my loved ones was off limits. No matter the circumstances. Thus, I should focus back on the good things that came out of tonight.
I held her hand on multiple occasions. Y/N let me hold her. This was the closest we had ever been aside from the night we had spent together. And even then I hadn't felt that close to her. Helping her through her panic attack was a feeling unlike anything else. I was worried, yes, but once we had passed the point of panic... The point where everything in me was telling me to kiss her, to eliminate those last few millimeters of distance... Inhaling her scent with every breath, our foreheads and noses already pressing together, lips brushing... I had no idea how I had managed not to kiss her. But now I was more eager to do so than ever. With due respect for the right timing of course. I got to hug her again. She didn't have another panic attack and I was even able to cheer her up. It felt like I had finally made it through the snow storm. Broken the ice. We really made a lot of progress today.
"What happened to you? It stopped raining like half an hour ago and you're still dripping?", Jimin asked as I stepped into the room and took my shoes off.
"I, uhm..."
I bit my lip to contain my grin and averted my eyes.
He sat up, swung his legs off the bed and pressed his hands on his thighs.
"You...what? What's that look on your face about?"
His expression reflected curiosity and confusion. As if he wasn't sure how to behave. I shook my head and waved off.
"Figure it out for yourself while going to the ATM to grab next week's worth of cash. I'm craving a double cheese burger with wedges. It'd be great if you picked those up as well."
I picked some clean, dry clothes to change into and made my way into the bathroom without sparing him another glance. Once the door was closed behind me, I freed my smile and leaned against the wall.

Y/N, Y/N, Y/N...

My heartbeat accelerated again and my stomach bubbled with warmth. I could hear Jimin grunting in the other room as he got dressed and then walked up to the door.
"With bacon?"
I scoffed and dragged my sweater over my head. "What kind of question is that?"
He snorted and marched off to do as told. Two minutes later, I was getting drenched again but at least this time the water was warm. Though I wasn't bothered by bad weather, let alone low temperatures, I still enjoyed warmth over the cold. But I would happily endure any weather conditions for Y/N. Even without knowing whether she was my mate. Was that wrong? Should I be concerned?
Ugh, why couldn't this just be a clear case? Or why couldn't the moon goddess just tell me about her plans and let me know what all of this meant? I felt quite lost and confused but at the same time I felt so good around Y/N. The more time I spent with her, the less time I wanted to spend apart from her. Although I hadn't had a crush before, I was still sure that this wasn't a normal one. This was too intense. Maybe I should've talked to Jimin instead of sending him away. Perhaps he had had a crush before and could tell me about it. On the other hand, I didn't know what to tell him yet or whether to say anything at all. First of all, I was still processing everything myself and second of all, it wasn't my place to tell Jimin about my conversation with Y/N and everything she trusted me with. Should I even tell him? This was Y/N's secret and I couldn't just spill it to my friend because I knew that I could trust him. This should be her decision. But I couldn't just not tell Jimin either. This voice was possibly her wolf and Jimin should know about it, right? It wasn't like I could keep this to myself either. I really needed to talk to someone about this. This was just too exciting because I really felt like I was one step closer to finding all the answers I came here for.
Today was just...
I purred, leaned forward and pressed my left forearm against the wall for support. My mind was filled with all the new memories, especially the ones when we were the closest. I could still feel her breath on my lips, the softness of her skin under my hands. The urge to kiss her. We had gotten so close to it. I could sense her need and had been painfully aware of mine. Just a matter of millimeters. Being that close to her had already made me feel so heated, how would it have been had we kissed? What would her lips feel like? Considering how soft her skin was in general, it probably would be like kissing clouds. Imagining her taste had me inhaling sharply. My mind trailed off to us in her bed when her leg had brushed over my crotch. The fantasy of her having been awake and us having taken it further.
My hands under her hoodie, exploring more of her silky skin. Her hands gliding up my body until they wrap around my neck. Our bodies turning over for me to be on top. My lips finding their way onto her neck to line it with my affection as she releases small sounds of contentment until I absorb them in my mouth through a kiss. Her fingers threading through and tugging at my hair as her patience runs thin. How I find myself nibbling on her lip while her legs cage my hips in an effort to pull me closer. A soft purr from her makes me pull away to admire her. The reddened lips to my satisfaction, that cute nose of hers and those captivating eyes glowing yellow for me. I can see the reflection of my red ones in them and know that she is my person. She abruptly drags my head down to hers to taste me again and more heat spreads throughout me as her body starts moving against mine. I go along with it, increase the friction between us gradually. The weight of my body adds more and more intensity to our actions and I catch myself breaking our kiss to pay attention to her neck again. Something draws me to it that I can't explain. She encourages me by positioning my head where my lips feel best on her and with every passing second I feel the pressure in me rising. I know it's the same for her. We can't stop ourselves anymore. She breathes heavily and holds on to me. Even now I still feel like we aren't close enough and yet nothing could make me interrupt this to change that. A moan from her is the end of me. It reaches my ears and eliminates any self restraint I have in me. I want what's mine. So my teeth dig into her neck, mark her mine and leave both of us shuddering in utter bliss.
"Y/N..."
I exhaustedly rested my forehead on my arm against the wall and tried to find my way back into reality. My mind was still clouded and I could feel how my cheeks were burning. A mixture of my wild fantasy and embarrassment, I was sure. I exhaled, made an effort to regulate my breathing and cleared my throat before standing up straight to wash up. This girl was driving me insane. But I only wanted more of it; more of her. I had just crossed a line I never thought I could even cross without having found my mate. Yet here I was and I felt so good but also so horrible about it. This emotional back and forth was awful. The steam of the shower didn't help clear my mind, so I quickly dried up, got dressed and walked back into the bedroom to open a window. The fresh, post-rain air rushed in in an instant and comfortingly brushed over my hot face with a soft breeze. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how little and yet how much I missed home. The view in front of me right now was nothing like the one from my bedroom and I wished I could see that one instead. My mission here had kept me so occupied however, that I had barely spared a thought for home. And to some extent that was due to how comfortable I had discovered myself to be around Y/N as well. The moments with her had balanced my longing for the familiarity of what I had temporarily left behind because this new person offered me what I would've missed. Not only that but she triggered and soothed needs and longings in me that had never been addressed before. Ones that had kept me up so many nights before and made me feel so lonely and hopeless. Just why couldn't I get certainty about her? What was this torture good for?
Jimin's return startled me and had me whipping around to watch how he walked in with a paper bag in his hands that he put down on the desk under the TV. He eyed me up and down for a second, smirked and shook his head.
"You could've aired out the room for several hours and I still would've known what you did while I was gone."
"Shut up.", I retorted and sat down to devour my dinner.
He took off his shoes, still with that annoying smirk on his face.
"Was it that good of an evening or that bad?"
I dug my teeth into my burger and refused to look at him.
"I won't answer that question in this context.", I muffled.
A small chuckle later, he was next to me, grabbed his own burger and sat down on the floor with his back against the wall to my right. The most surprising thing about that was not the fact that he didn't want to sit at the table but that he didn't get in the chair position to get some exercise out of this.
"I thought about your state when you returned and here's my guess," he began, took a bite and then raised a brow, "Y/N didn't let you in so you stood underneath her balcony and tried to reason with her from outside all throughout the storm."
I snorted in amusement.
"We're not in Romeo and Juliet and luckily so. I don't want either of us to die. I didn't even go to her house. I met her on the way to the grocery store and got her to invite me for a movie night."
I picked up three wedges and ate them back to back. My fool of a best friends had forgotten to get some sour cream dip.
"Movie night? Your abilities are beyond my imagination. Didn't she hate you this morning? How did you get her to change her mind in this extent? Teach me your ways.", his voice sounded fascinated and pleading at the same time.
I finished my burger with three more bites and shifted my attention to the remaining wedges as I thought about how I could word myself in order to share what happened but without getting into too many of Y/N's personal details. Despite having had time to make up my mind, I still wasn't sure how much I wanted to share with him.
"It wasn't like that. It was a trade. Her bullies walked up to the store when we were in front of it so she asked me to hide her from them. In return, I could join the movie night.", I corrected and Jimin furrowed his brows.
"How come you were drenched then?"
I thought for another moment, ate the last wedge and decided to keep things rather at surface level.
"There was quite the misunderstanding, ending up with us at her safe place – a cliff – during the storm. We were out there the entire time and talked."
"Am I the only one that finds it somewhat concerning that her safe place is a cliff?"
"Oh, shut up. We spent a lot of time on our cliffs too. You never seemed to have an issue with that. Why now?", I snapped back and sat down on my bed.
"I don't know. It's just a little strange, don't you think? Anyway. What misunderstanding?", he gestured me to keep telling him about the conversation.
I pressed my lips together. Seemed like I couldn't get out of this one without some honesty.
"I'm not sure whether it's my place to tell you the things she shared with me. After ignoring her boundaries so many times already, I want to at least respect them now.", I explained, making him stare at me for a second before he slowly nodded.
"I get that but I can't help if I don't know what's going on."
He finished his burger and the curly fries he had gotten for himself, got up to gather the wrapping of our food and shoved it in the trash bin. I sighed and scratched the back of my head.
"I know but I need some time myself to process everything that happened today."
Jimin got comfortable on his bed and crossed one ankle over the other while pointing to the remote.
"Okay. May I watch TV while you do that?"
I nodded absentmindedly and slouched down until I was in a horizontal position. My hand slid under the pillow and brushed along the edges of the hoodie I had worn when sleeping over at Y/N's yesterday. As close as I had been to her today, being outside in the rain had ruined all chances of her scent being able to be dominantly picked up by my clothes. However, there was still the jacket I had left with her. Another scented treasure for me to keep after tomorrow.
My thoughts returned to the memory of her in my arms last night. The way her head snuggled into the crook of my neck and her arm wrapped over my waist. Her warm breath brushing my skin. I thought about the way she looked at me today. The moment she discarded her inhibitions towards me because it was more important to be hidden from the girls. How her face lit up when she found her favorite gummy bears. The heartbreak and pain distorting her features when she saw me outside the store with her bullies. It still hurt me how long it took me to invoke other feelings in her. I knew that the way things went was probably for the best but the urge to immediately pull her into my arms when I saw her at the cliff was engraved in my brain. Maybe because I always had this urge around her but even more when she was upset. I wished I could hug her right now. No, I wished I could be with her for another night right now. Every night from now on. I squinted my eyes shut and pulled the hoodie from underneath the pillow to bury my nose in it. Soothing. No matter how torn I was in this matter, she could soothe me. Even just her scent. I missed her already. Talking to her, teasing her, comforting her. Bickering, laughing, being.
I drew back from the hoodie and looked at it for a moment. My sight got a little blurry and I couldn't explain why there was suddenly a lump in my throat. I slowly turned back around to lay on my other side, the hoodie still in my hands and my eyes fixed on it.
"Jimin?", my voice was raspy, almost hoarse.
He turned his head towards me to show me I had his attention.
"After today... She has to be my mate."
His brows lifted. "Do you know for sure?"
"No but... I want her to be my mate. I need her to be, at this point. There's nothing else I could explain these feelings with. The mere thought of her not ending up being the one has me...near the verge of screaming, to be honest.", I confessed quietly.
"Oh, Jungkook..."
Jimin got up and crouched down next to me to be at eye level.
"Promise me to never tell this to anyone, okay? We will take this to our graves."
He nodded reassuringly.
"I'm so close to screwing the moon goddess's plans to be with her. I don't know how to put this in words but she's just... I am..."
"In love with her.", he smiled.
I rolled onto my back and draped my arm over my eyes.
"I think about her every second of every damn day and curse every waking moment I didn't spend with her. And that sucks. I hate it with every fiber of my being."
"You do?", Jimin questioned.
I huffed and moved my arm onto my stomach.
"Yes because I don't want to be able to feel like this for anyone but my mate! It feels like I'm cheating on a person I have not even met yet!"
I locked eyes with him and frowned.
"When I say I need her to be my mate it's not just about my feelings for her, Jimin. I wouldn't know how to live with myself, let alone with my actual mate, knowing about the experience I had with Y/N."
Judging by his expression, he could not relate to what I said but tried to understand me nonetheless. My question on whether he had had a crush before thus answered itself. He looked down and nodded slowly.
"That sucks, indeed."
We were quiet for a moment until I let out a frustrated and saddened sigh.
"This is the first time I would rather not be a wolf."
Jimin snorted. "What about sensual adjustment when we were pups? Because that was a time I despised being a wolf and would've traded it for anything else. All those sensual impressions of noises and scents. Stupid night vision..."
His joking wasn't really helpful.
"Worse than that. Way worse.", I just replied.
"Oh"
He leaned back against the side of his bed and fiddled with his fingers, not knowing what to say. I looked at the navy hoodie and crumpled it in my fist.
"I wish I could just live in the moment."
"I wouldn't judge you if you did. This situation is unmatched in strangeness and confusion.", my Delta comforted and gave me a small, sympathetic smile.
"There are two loose threads and as long as they're not pulled, I cannot rest or move on. Hope can be so cruel.", I murmured.
"What loose threads?"
"Her birthday. I still don't know when it is and until then I can't leave.", I stated with a heavy sigh that unfortunately didn't take any of the weight off my chest.
"Reasonable. What's the other loose thread?", Jimin asked.
I opened my mouth and then closed it again.
"The thing you can't tell me?", he assumed.
I looked at him for a few seconds and then shut my eyes in surrender.
"Another thing you will take to your grave with you, got it?"
"You know my lips are sealed at your command."
I took a deep breath. "What she's being bullied for is a voice she has in her head. She described it as something like a big sister. It only came up in stressful situations so far and supported her through them. It doesn't have a name, shape or form but Y/N refers to it as her or she."
Jimin's eyes widened.
"A voice? Her wolf?"
I shrugged. "I don't know but you best believe it will keep me up at night until I find out. There are so many question marks."
It was clear that the wheels in his head were turning.
"Wait but how did people find out about it?"
"Y/N told the girls when they were friends back in middle school.", I filled him in and his jaw dropped.
"She was friends with these girls?", he repeated in shock just like I had when Y/N told me.
I nodded with the same amount of disbelief.
"Until she let them in on her secret and they turned on her. They told everyone about this voice and made her an outcast, hence why she doesn't trust anyone anymore. Y/N got out of the store as the girls were talking to me. She ran off, thinking I would avoid her now too."
"And you ran after her.", Jimin figured and a small smile started forming on my lips.
"Yeah and she opened up to me... And..."
He cocked a brow in curiosity. "And?"
I averted my gaze and bit my lip.
"She no longer kept me at distance."
"Meaning?"
I raised the hoodie, thought about last night's and today's events. All the things that made my heartbeat accelerate and my stomach flutter warmly.
"Meaning I have a pretty good idea of what I would be missing if we were to leave without her.", I answered lowly, much to his annoyance.
"Fine, then talk in riddles. But speaking of leaving, have you thought about what to do after her birthday? I mean, if she does turn out to be your mate? You can't just take her home with you. She has a life here, her family.", Jimin remarked and I let out a grunt.
"Why do you have to cause more problems than necessary right now? I still have time to think of something.", I groaned as I dropped my head to the side.
"Time passes quickly. We've already been here for a week. You need to have a plan sooner or later."
"I have another week at least, so don't rush me. I always thought that as soon as she figures that she's a wolf, she would want to come with us to learn about this new of her and to be with me since I'm her mate.", I retorted but Jimin wasn't thrown off that easily.
"You do realize that Y/N didn't grow up with our traditions and laws though, right? She doesn't know that the female has to join the male's pack and live with him upon being claimed.", he pointed out.
I pressed my lips together because I didn't like how right he was. Not to mention the bitter feeling taking over my stomach.
"Moving in together is a huge step for humans and you aren't even dating. If I were you, I wouldn't just count on her confusion, curiosity and fear as good enough of a reason to come with us."
"Well, she trusts me now. Trust is a good base for a relationship, don't you think? Y/N's parents are barely around so I doubt that they will be a significant reason for her to stay here and I still have time to get closer to her and talk to her about this.", I objected and Jimin chuckled sarcastically.
"Are you even listening to yourself? What would you tell her? Hey, Y/N! I'm a werewolf just like you but you don't know that yet. We're mates and I have an entire pack waiting to be reigned by us so wanna move in with me after your birthday?"
"I would be a lot more subtle and considerate than that.", I huffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"Okay. Would you invite her over to our place and then... I don't know... Just keep her there? That doesn't involve any talking or explaining at all."
"Stop it, Jimin. I get it. I need to put a lot more work and thought into this. You had a lot of criticism for me. Do you have any better ideas?", I challenged and watched him get up to take his previous spot on his bed, eyes fixed back on the TV because he knew that this discussion wasn't going anywhere.
"I never said I did. I just wanted to remind you. You're slowly but surely running out of time, Kook. Better start thinking.", he replied with a serious tone and zapped through the channels.
I didn't know what to reply to that so I just kept quiet. I knew that he had a point but I was so excited about today that I didn't want to think about all the ways I could possibly ruin everything with Y/N in the end. If the moon goddess decided that Y/N and I should end up together, she probably also had her ways to get us together somehow. I should still figure something out. Having a plan wouldn't hurt. Meeting up with Y/N tomorrow and just spending time with her felt like the best thing to do right now. I had to ask her for the the date of her birthday to get a deadline as well. I was growing nervous and impatient to see her again and of course to finally find out if she was my mate or not. It felt so good and so right when I was with her but I also felt beyond guilty in case she wasn't my mate and I had still felt like that with another girl. But would I even feel like that if I she wasn't the one? This was all due to my human side and I couldn't be more upset by it right now. My thoughts were rambling back and forth about this so I decided to stop thinking and focused on the movie Jimin was watching.
"You had a jacket when you left. What happened to it? Did you give it to Y/N?", Jimin wondered after a while.
"Mhm. I told her to keep it so I had an excuse to meet up with her again tomorrow.", I answered, making him shake his head.
"Unbelievable"
The amusement in his voice lurked a smile back onto my face as well.
"I know you will probably find this silly and exaggerated but I want to prepare something special for her birthday, whenever it is."
"Okay?"
I raised my brows expectantly. "Any ideas?"
"Yeah, find out when her birthday is first.", he remarked.
I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
"That's already on the list. Now let's talk gifts and things we could do."
"Do you want my help to plan a date?"
"No, a birthday party."
Jimin tilted his head to the side in playful doubt.
"It sounds like you want a date."
"Of course I want a date with her but her birthday is different. It's supposed to be about her.", I clarified and tried to ignore the warmth in my cheeks.
"Okay but I don't know her. How am I supposed to help you brainstorm?", he pointed out.
I sighed annoyedly and waved off.
"I'll figure something out on my own."
My Delta tapped his fingers on the mattress for a few seconds.
"Introducing me to her is off the table?"
I shook my head. "No but she already is such a huge fan of Tae that I cannot bear if she even just pretends to like the other third over me as well."
"The other third?", he repeated offendedly.
"That's what she refers to you as."
I could feel his glare on me.
"You couldn't even tell her my name?"
"We did."
Jimin raised his brows and clicked his tongue.
"Mhm. Great girlfriend you picked there."
I giggled and tried to ease his mood.
"She has used your name before as well."
"Why would she even pretend to like me over you?", he asked in confusion and doubt.
I crossed my arms and poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue. "To get on my nerves."
A taunting chuckle escaped his lips. "Yup, great girlfriend you picked there."
"Well, today was worth the stress for sure. I made her blush and she tried to hide it but I saw it anyway. We hugged a couple of times, too. I noticed that she likes to snuggle her head into things and she scrunches her nose whenever she's embarrassed.", I countered in order to lift my spirit.
"God, stop it. You're one love sick idiot. Maybe Taehyung was right. You could easily become worse than him and Rosé.", he whined and I laughed.
"You knew what you were signing up for when you volunteered to join me."
He sent me a questioning look.
"Did I? I would've surely switched with Taehyung if I knew you would behave like this. He knows what it's like to find one's mate. He could've helped a lot more and better than me. If you hadn't beaten him up before, I'm sure you would've chosen him."
"It's your insecurity speaking again, Chim.", I warned but Jimin kept pouting.
"Look, you're my Delta general, part of our trio and the best fighter of our pack. You're my best friend just as much as Taehyung is and equally as valuable, okay?"
I sat up and swung my legs off the bed.
"You're here to pull me back down from cloud 9 whenever I float off too far. For now I need someone just as clueless about mates as I am. Taehyung wouldn't stop talking about Rosé if he was here. I don't think I could handle that with the current situation."
"If you say so.", he mumbled.
"I do and I mean it. The moon goddess chose you as my Delta for a reason. You've never given anyone a reason to question that. Don't ever forget that.", I reassured and then patted my thighs. "It's better if we go to sleep now. You can go wash up first."
A small smile brightened his face. "Fine"