Care For Me

9

Y/N's POV

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and a lump in my throat that left me voiceless for a few minutes. My heart was racing like crazy and felt like it had been drained from all love and purpose. It was by far the most frightening and numbing feeling I had ever felt. My breathing was heavy and I was incredibly cold, almost as if had been laying in the snow all night and not in my bed. I was trembling as I got up to take a hot shower in order to hopefully warm up but even after my body temperature seemingly got back to normal, my insides still felt frozen. It felt like time was standing still. Was my heart even beating right now? Was I breathing? What kind of nightmare could make me feel this empty and dead inside? I tried to brush it off and just forget about out but the horrible images haunted me all morning. Nonetheless, every move of mine was enlaced with the feelings that tormented me. It was shown in the way I was rather staggering than walking, slouching when standing, lifelessly staring instead of looking. As if I was merely surviving, not living. I had to make the best of this situation, find a way to cope. That meant just going on about my day, following my routine like normal in hopes that it would eventually make me feel normal as well.
I went downstairs and took my time to make some breakfast. Cutting up fruits, preparing my porridge and assembling everything before I took a seat at the kitchen island to eat. It was like feeding a doll. Pointless. Though the emptiness in my stomach was filled, the emptiness in my chest remained. Eating did not make me feel normal. Making food however had felt less automatic and struck my sense of creativity. Perhaps I should make something that required a bit more effort. I put my dirty dishes in the dish washer and grabbed the tools and ingredients I needed for a pie. There was this new recipe I had found online a few days ago and right now seemed to be a good time to try it. Strawberries, apples, cinnamon and caramel. A divine combination. I started with the crust, mixed the batter and added my own little twist by including a drop of almond extract. Once the crust was ready, I spread it in the pan and put in a lot of effort to cut the edge into a neat wave shape. Then I got started on the fruits by slicing them and adding the cinnamon and sugar mixture. When it was evenly coating all pieces, I layered them in the pan. Another personal touch: a few thin threads of honey on top of everything. Last thing left was to decorate the pie by braiding the excess crust over it in a grid and putting it in the oven. As soon as I closed it, I found myself exhaling audibly. It was like I had been in a bubble that had just burst because I was finished with my project. The calmness and ease dimmed down over the next few minutes but at least I now knew that my state was indeed temporary. Besides, I no longer felt as dead inside. Mission accomplished. I dropped on the couch and waited for the timer to signal me when I could free my pie from its heated cage and and let it cool down before eating it. Things were starting to feel more familiar and comfortable again. My movements were smoother and I was able to shift my thoughts away from this nightmare. That was all it had been; a nightmare. I couldn't change having had it but I could decide how to deal with it. It had nothing to with my reality and I wouldn't let it dictate the mood of this day. No more than it already had. Whatever comfort, ease and peacefulness it had taken from me, I would take them back now.
I grabbed my pillows and blankets and moved them downstairs onto the couch. Today would be all about snuggling up, watching movies and snacking. My heart felt like it stopped for a moment when the doorbell unexpectedly rang. Why did panic rush through me? If it was someone dangerous, they surely wouldn't have used the doorbell. I was just jumpy due to my nightmare and the lack of sleep I had because of it. The bell rang again and tore me out of my thoughts. I wasn't expecting a delivery, so who could it...? Right, Jungkook.
I quickly made my way to the door, taking a look in the mirror in the entryway to make sure I didn't look too crazy right now. On the other hand, he had seen me in quite a few unflattering moments so what was the point in worrying? Regardless, I hurriedly ran my fingers through my hair to fix the look of it and took a deep breath before opening the door. Jungkook greeted me with a playful grin.
"Hey. Sorry to bother you but you still have my jacket. I totally forgot to take it back yesterday."
I tried my best to return the smile. His mere presence evoked pleasant feelings in me that defeated whatever heartbreaking loneliness I still had in me.
"Oh, right. Uhm.. Thing is... I just put it in the washing machine along with all my other clothes from yesterday. You'll have to wait for it to finish and then dry.", I played along and pointed over my shoulder. "You could come in and wait here if you want?"
Jungkook didn't hesitate for one second and only deepened his smile.
"Sure"
He walked in just a few steps before abruptly halting in his tracks.
"It smells...like heaven in here."
I gulped when I saw the look in his eyes, that almost implied it had more to do with me than anything else. Warmth crept into my cheeks. Jungkook cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head.
"Are you baking something?"
I nodded. "I made strawberry apple pie. It should be done in like ten minutes. You really came at the perfect time. That is, if you like apples and strawberries of course."
"I do and I love pie as well.", he assured and leaned against the wall as he watched me assemble the pillows and blankets on the couch.
"Did you sleep here or why is your entire bed down here?", he laughed and I shook my head at him.
"No. I wanted to get comfortable on the couch and watch something but then you showed up before I could make everything look neat."
His face lit up for a second but he quickly got it under control and winked at me.
"Can I join you then? You still owe me a movie night after all."
I held back a smile tried to play it cool.
"Not like that, that's for sure."
He followed my gaze down his body to his muddy shoes.
"True", he agreed and disappeared behind the wall that separated the living room and the entryway to take his shoes off.
Meanwhile, I tugged at my clothes because I felt the need to look presentable in front of him. Why did his grey sweatshirt and the black cargo pants have to suit him so well anyway? I felt oddly underdressed in my plain black long sleeve and the beige sweatpants I wore.
Jungkook came back and turned his head as I flinched upon the timer going off.
"That's the pie. I'll be right back. You can get comfortable, just make yourself at home.", I said and hurried into the kitchen.
Surprisingly, he followed right after me.
"Whenever there is some sort of notification that food could be done, everyone rushes into the kitchen at home. Hence why Rosé avoids setting loud timers nowadays. She likes to have her peace in the kitchen.", he elaborated as I opened the oven to free the pie.
A bitter feeling rumbled in the pit of my stomach.
"Who's Rosé?", I asked as if it was just a side note and put the hot pie on the counter.
Jungkook watched me closing the oven and removing my gloves.
"Rosé?", he repeated with a weird smile.
"Yeah"
He slowly walked up to me while I tried to keep my gaze focused on what I was doing. That being taking out two plates and cutlery for us.
"I thought we had told you about her before.", he stated.
"Not that I remember.", I shrugged, the bitter feeling now spreading into my chest.
"No?"
Jungkook was almost behind me.
"No"
I cut out two slices and put them on the plates. Goosebumps slowly trailed my body upon him coming to a halt.
"Hm..."
His deep hum did things to my legs I didn't like but I also knew that there was nothing I could do about it. What a weird combination of sensations. My heart was fluttering and yet my chest tightened uncomfortably, my legs were gooey but my back was tense.
"So, who is she?", I asked again, trying to sound as neutral as I could.
Jungkook quietly chuckled, wrapped his hands around my waist and turned me to face him. Amusement was reflected in his eyes as he scanned my face and his teasing smirk was still present as well. He lifted his hand to my cheek and stroke some hair behind my ear. That was when his smirk turned into a warm smile.
"Taehyung's girlfriend. I really thought we had talked about her when we met.", he finally answered.
Of course. How stupid of me. I lowered my head and nodded in relief and embarrassment.
"Yeah, you did. Just didn't mention her name."
I forced myself to give him a calm smile and then walked over to the freezer to get some ice cream.
"You were worried.", Jungkook remarked but there was no way I would ever admit that.
So I kept my casual act up. I tilted my head and raised a brow.
"About what?"
He leaned against the counter, crossed his arms and giggled to himself. "Cute"
I briefly glared at him but decided that I wanted to drop the topic here.
"Do you want ice cream?", I checked after I had gently pushed him aside to put some on my piece of pie.
"I'll have whatever you're having."
I put a scoop on his plate as well but decided to bring the tub to the living room with us in case either of us wanted more.
"That look's delicious.", Jungkook complimented as he took a seat next to me.
"Careful, it's still hot.", I warned and watched how he was completely captivated by the ice cream melting on his plate.
"What were you going to watch?", he asked after a minute of staring at his pie.
"A movie but watching you watch the ice cream melt is entertaining too."
He rolled his eyes at me. "Very funny. I'd prefer watching a movie."
I laughed and reached for the remote to pick a movie I had been meaning to watch for a while but just never got down to do so. Jungkook took his first bite and instantly tossed himself back against the cushions. A muffled groan came from him.
"Fuck, Y/N."
"I told you it's hot.", I shrugged and blew on the bit on my fork.
"Screw the temperature. You should've told me how good of a baker you are. Or was it intentional? So you could lure me here and get me addicted to your food so I won't ever leave you again."
I gave him an amused look.
"Or to get you nice and thick for me to eat you? This is not Hansel and Gretel, you fool."
He straightened his posture and picked up another piece.
"Only time will tell. But with more things like this, I will happily stay and let you do whatever you want with me."
"Whatever I want?", I sarcastically repeated.
He locked eyes with me and licked over his lips, no trace of sarcasm in his voice whatsoever.
"Whatever you want."
My cheeks were undoubtedly trying to compete with the heat of the pie on my plate. I slowly turned to face coffee table without saying anything to him.
"Ugh, it's soo good.", Jungkook hummed but it sounded more like a moan.
"I'm glad you like it.", I just mumbled and took a bite myself but immediately burned my tongue.
"How could you eat this? This is way too hot!", I exclaimed and fanned my tongue with my hands like a maniac.
"Should I get you a glass of water or something? Or try eating some more ice cream.", he suggested and took my spoon to feed me some.
I gladly accepted and let the ice cream melt in my mouth to soothe my tongue.
"You okay?", he asked and I nodded with a relieved sigh.
He shook his head, prepared another spoon full of ice cream for me and fed me it.
"You gotta be more careful, love."
"You made it look like it was already edible.", I complained after swallowing, which made his gaze drop a little.
"Do you want a kiss to make it better?"