Care For Me

4

Jungkook's POV

I reached the archive and found Jimin sitting next to a stack of books. He was leaning against the couch Taehyung was sleeping on.
"Did you find something?", I immediately asked.
Jimin flinched at my unexpected presence but shook his head.
"Not yet and I hate to break it to you but it will definitely take a while. None of these books seem to be suitable for your situation. I'm still going through them just in case but it takes time all by myself."
Disappointment mixed with frustration and impatience within me. And I had to let them out somehow.
"GET UP, TAEHYUNG! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SLEEP!", I yelled.
Taehyung fell off the couch in shock and landed right on Jimin's lap. He groaned in pain and rubbed his back when he got up to glare at me.
"OUCH! No need to scream!"
"You're supposed to be reading and not sleeping! What were you expecting me to do? Kiss you awake? Now take a book and do what you're here for!"
Taehyung rolled his eyes and laid back down on the couch but grabbed a book to read this time. I grabbed a book myself and also started reading. My body was tense and for some strange reason, I couldn't stop clenching my jaw.
"Jungkook? What's up? You look...angry?", Jimin noticed, which also meant he wasn't paying attention to the text in front of him.
"I'm fine! Now keep reading. Don't stop until you find something helpful."
He pressed his lips together—clearly regretting to have asked—and focused back on the book in his hands. I did the same.
We spent hours upon hours in the library going through dozens of books. My knowledge of our history was unbeatable by then but I couldn't find anything about mates.
"Anything?", I asked the others.
They looked back at me with apologetic expressions.
"Not yet."
"Sorry, Jungkookie. Let's stop for today and continue tomorrow."
Taehyung's suggestion didn't sit right with me.
"NO! We're not leaving this room until we found something!"
"We're tired and in this state we can't even comprehend the things we're reading anymore. We can come back first thing in the morning, okay?", Jimin tried to reason.

How did I never notice how much of two weaklings they were?

"Fine, crybabies. I'll stay here. Be back at 5.", I ordered.
"5AM?" Tae yelled from the top of the staircase in shock, "Oh no. We'll be back at 7. Don't go crazy down here and go to sleep soon, okay?"
"Whatever", I huffed and let them leave.
They hadn't been of help so far, so they most likely wouldn't be if I forced them to stay now. After two hours of more resultless reading, my hand reached for my phone to check the time. 3AM. Just now I realized how tired I had gotten. I yawned and looked around for the stack of blankets we kept around here somewhere. Whether Y/N was sleeping now? All by herself since her parents were on that business trip? Somehow, I wished to be with her right now to simply keep her company and make sure she didn't feel lonely. But what if she was awake? Watching a movie or writing something?

Stop!

What was I doing here? I shouldn't waste my time thinking about someone that probably wasn't even my mate. Once I got semi-comfortable, I slowly drifted off to sleep. However, one question kept invading my thoughts.
What if she was?

Y/N's POV

I rolled over in my bed for surely the thousandth time. It had been like this ever since I returned home. As much as I tried to forget the events of the trip, they kept on haunting me. Whenever I held still for too long, it felt like my sheets and clothes were starting to cling to my skin. Not to mention the feeling of bugs crawling all over my body. I could feel them in the oddest of places and involuntarily started whimpering and screeching when the feeling got too overwhelming. Thus, I kept frantically rolling around to counteract those sensations. However, whenever I turned, I caught a whiff of my hair that still faintly smelled like honey and soap. Despite my additional two showers once I was back. There was no way to fully escape or distract myself from what had happened.
One too many times I found myself thinking back to how restful my sleep had been the night I spent with Taehyung and Jungkook. Considering the circumstances, I was beyond confused as to how it had been even possible for me to fall asleep and stay asleep that comfortably. It made no sense. They were complete strangers and I wasn't exactly relaxed around Jungkook to begin with. Sure, there was something about him that somehow lured me in but if anything, he only made me more nervous. That I had managed to sleep at all was a miracle. But that it had been that peaceful? Unbelievable.
I turned over yet again and traced my pillow with my fingertips. Had I really mistaken Jungkook for my pillow? And refused to wake up in order to (unknowingly) stay snuggled against him for a bit longer? The embarrassment had my cheeks burning and my face scrunching up. Another memory I would much rather forget about. Although I had expected the trip to be bad, what had happened had exceeded even my imagination. This "prank" was even extreme for Isabelle's terms. A part of me winced simply at the thought of having to see her again today. Even more so when I noticed my room getting brighter. The night was coming to an end. I was running out of time. My hand reached over to scratch over my arm a few times. Then my legs and my stomach. Before I knew it, I was aggressively running my nails over my entire body until my skin was sore and I had no choice but to get up because it was too painful to remain laid down. I was standing right in front of my bed in the middle of my room, somehow feeling lost although I was at home. The silence was equally suffocating as draining. My eyes wandered around the neat room, the organized desk to my right, the dresser to my left and the mirror on top of it. I was surprised to see the wet streams on my cheeks.
When did I start crying?
My fingers harshly wiped over my face to remove any signs of weakness and then irritatedly pushed my hair back. At that move, I saw the countless scratch marks my nails had left on me. A lot of them were swollen due to how much force I had used and a few held tiny traces of blood.
Dammit.
I took a few deep breaths, extended my arms to keep them as far away from my body as I could and slowly made my way into my bathroom to look for a healing ointment. About ten minutes later, I had evenly coated the worst scratches and applied bandaids where needed. Knowing there was no point in going back to bed, I decided to take my time to get ready for the day. I brushed my teeth, put my hair up in a bun in order not to smell it all day and put some clothes on, obviously opting for some that covered my body as much as possible. A loose turtleneck sweater, a pair of mom jeans and Converse high tops. Wherever the fabrics met my skin during my movement, I felt an uncomfortable stinging sensation that I knew I couldn't let my expression give away. Therefore, I practiced keeping my composure on my way to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry but wanted to kill some time. Cooking and baking were also things I enjoyed doing and that worked wonders for keeping me busy and distracted. I had about an hour and a half before I had to get going, so I decided to bake some bread and a small cake. I first prepared the bread dough so it could rise as I was making the cake. As I was carefully kneading and folding the dough, I found myself grunting at some point and realized how much frustration and anger had come to the surface in the process. The poor bread. It didn't deserve the harsh treatment.
Something felt different about today. I couldn't specifically pinpoint what it was but I was even more tense than usual. Whenever my parents were on a business trip, I tried to focus on the soothing aspects of the empty house. Today I couldn't. It just felt abandoned. Not calm and clear but silenced and hollow. Instead of alone, I felt lonely. Almost as if the emptiness within me was now also represented around me. How strange.
I gulped and put the dough aside to let it rest. Next came the classic vanilla sponge cake. The perfect base for any kind of topping or filling.
If the house wasn't filled with love, I could at least fill it with warmth and the delicious smell of freshly baked goods. Faking the comfort I was missing. My mom and I used to bake all the time when I was younger. Doing it now brought me back to those times. The good old days. And yet it seemed like no amount of baking could counteract today's mood. Not even when the bread and cake were in the oven and the house was slowly filled with their scents. Everything remained dull and depressing. However, almost irritating in a way. I hated how help- and hopeless everything seemed. Why couldn't things be better for a change? Why did it only ever get worse?
Before I knew it I was grinding my teeth and glared at the timer above the oven as if that would make it go down faster. My fingers were digging into the countertop I was leaning against and only when I snapped a nail, I could shake myself out of my state and decided to pack my bag with everything I needed for school. Perhaps that would distract me enough.
It didn't.
On the contrary, it only pissed me off more. If I had the choice, I would not go to school anymore. I would've stopped the second I got into high school actually. Because that was when I accepted that things wouldn't ever get back to normal again, that my reputation was a burden I would forever carry with me in this town. The paperwork for an external graduation had been in my drawers for over a year now but I hadn't had the guts to talk to my parents about it. The principal had been the one to suggest it to me when it was clear that there was no chance for me to integrate myself into any activities or groups. Even he had given up on me. What a relief it would be not to have to force myself to endure the hell school was for me every day. But letting my parents in on what had been my day to day life for the past five years? That was somehow even harder than just going to class. Especially because they were pretty much never around. And I really didn't want to have that conversation with them over the phone.
I let out a sigh, grabbed my packed bag and carried it downstairs just in time for the timer going off. The oven had already turned itself off so it was only on me to test whether the bread and cake were baked enough to be taken out. My bread had turned out perfect in shape and consistency but I decided to keep the cake in the leftover heat for a little longer. By the time I was ready to leave, I took out it as well and let it cool. Finishing would have to wait until I was back. At least I could use that pleasant outlook to push myself through the day. All the different things I could do with it, starting at the buttercream or frosting, then the fruits or filling of my choice... Maybe I would go for a raspberry, peanut butter and caramel arrangement. Like a PB & J cake – on crack due to the caramel. My mouth was already starting to water just imagining it. Finally something to brighten my spirit.
On the other hand, I was now only further upset that I had to leave. Obviously I would much rather stay home with my cake. So much to a brightened spirit.
I locked the front door behind myself and tugged the sleeves of my sweater as far over my wrists as I could before I followed the faint skid marks towards the road. The marks on my skin had calmed down a little but were still very much noticeable. They had to be covered at all costs. My stomach slightly convulsed because I could already imagine the rumors they would cause if someone – god forbid Isabelle and co. – were to notice them. All adding to my "psycho" and "insane" image of course. As much as I wished I would've gotten used to it to the point that I just didn't care anymore, that wasn't the case. Not as long as I was still so heavily affected by it. And by that I meant the active bullying. If people had moved on from it at some point, it would be way more tolerable. People could think about me whatever they wanted as long as I didn't have to suffer under severe consequences because of it. But Isabelle made sure I stayed a hot topic. How counterproductive and contradictory to her saying that I was a nobody and completely irrelevant. Not to forget that apparently nobody cared about me. What an amazing job she was doing at proving herself wrong every day. And yet that was nowhere near enough to ease my mind. The "pranks"– the torture – remained. The disgusted stares, derogatory comments and evil remarks remained. They still managed to make my life hell and that was something I could not ignore or look past. How even? They did everything in their power for that to be impossible. So many reasons why it was already set in stone that today would be terrible, especially because of the awful school trip. At least I had secured my grade.
My school was only about ten minutes away from my house and that made it easy for me to escape during the breaks. Just like every morning, I passed a few shops on my way that weren't open yet but the owners were already buzzing around inside. A few fellow classmates of mine walked past me and one of them slightly pushed me with their shoulder. They all ended up giggling but I refused to turn around. Just a common morning in my life. With the exception of that rude gesture being even more painful on a physical level. The urge to screech was barely manageable but I just bit my tongue, stayed quiet and regained control over my expression until I reached the school building. I entered my classroom and took a seat next to a window at the very back of the class. It took me a moment to find a tolerable position and once I did, I kept on telling myself to stay stiff as a statue. Only my head, arms and hands had to move throughout the lesson after all. I reached for my books and a pen while I kept looking outside. Even though I hated the school, I loved watching the sunrise every morning. The beautiful gradient from orange, pink to purple and blue behind the colorful trees was the only thing to keep me sane in this hell hole. As I watched the sunlight shimmer through the leaves, my thoughts wandered off to Taehyung and Jungkook. If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't be here right now. Although the thought of not being here right now was rather pleasant. Not compared to the place I would probably be instead though. A cold shiver rushed down my spine upon recalling the burnt down woods. Along with it came a hint of worry. I hoped Jungkook got home safely. Then I suddenly drifted off to wondering if he was up already or still sleeping.