Care For Me

5

Jungkook's POV

We had been walking for a good two hours without saying anything. Jimin was avoiding my gaze and also kept his distance. Although, I understood why, I still felt slightly hurt by it. I never intended to lash out at them and I would do everything in my power for it to never happen again. But the damage had been done. These were the reasonable consequences for my actions.
"Is Taehyung okay?", I finally broke the silence and gulped guiltily.
Bad enough that I didn't have the guts to talk to Tae about leaving but not even checking on him after what I had done? Unforgivable.
I couldn't make eye contact and uneasily rubbed over the back of my hand.
"He'll be alright. Rosé had a little heart attack when she saw him but she's taking great care of him.", Jimin answered lowly and almost sounded a little annoyed towards the end.
"Does she hate me now?"
He scrunched his nose thoughtfully.
"She was really mad at first; could not believe what you did to her precious mate. I think it's less about the fact that you did it and more so frustration that she doesn't understand why."
I looked at him in surprise. They didn't tell her what happened?
"You ordered us not to tell anyone about our current mission. Y/N, the research, the things that happened in the rogue territories... All off limits for outsiders. You may have not felt it over the week due to whatever you were going through but our loyalty is with you. Always."
My posture softened.
"You covered me? Despite that catastrophe?", I gasped.
Jimin shrugged. "That's what we do. You can't get us to turn on you so easily. It takes much more than that."
How did I deserve them? Their friendship, support and loyalty?
"I don't get how you don't hate me. It doesn't feel fair that I get no punishment for what I did."
He scoffed and shook his head.
"Punishment? For being punished with the confusion, frustration and heartache this girl is causing you and needing an outlet for those feelings? Not a chance."
"It still doesn't feel right.", I murmured.
Jimin pointed at me and nodded eagerly.
"Well, there you go. As I already said, your own guilt is punishment enough. Besides, until this whole mate thing is cleared, I think you'll suffer plenty. No need for us to add to that."
He snorted and looked away.
"Not to mention that Taehyung has no major injuries and gets a ton of sympathy sex. You could've at least cost him tooth or something. He's living his best life."
I involuntarily chuckled and poked the inside of my mouth with my tongue.
"So that's why you were so eager to join me, huh?"
"I was wondering if that was the plan all along. Physical torture for Tae and psychological for me. How dare you leave me alone with these two love birds after you hurt him? Did you want me to go insane?", Jimin grumbled.
The brief moment of lightheartedness vanished in an instant. I pressed my lips together and looked at me feet. He sighed, walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder to get me to stop for a moment. His expression was filled with reassurance.
"I'm joking. Relax already. If anything, Tae can be grateful for what you did. His wounds will be healed by the day after tomorrow and in the meantime, he has his mate all over himself. Lucky idiot."
"Is that his opinion as well or just yours?", I questioned.
Jimin cocked a brow.
"Ask him. The only reason we're going back and forth about this is because you're too much of a coward to check for yourself."

Touché.

"I wouldn't know how to handle it if he indeed hated me. It would be completely justified but I have no idea how I could live with myself then.", I admitted.
"Believe me or don't but my points are valid. I was with him after you ran off. If he was upset with you, I would tell you. Of course he's not happy about having been your punching bag but he understood why you did it. I think he forgave you the second you realized what you were doing. The remorse on your face was unmistakable. That's when we all knew you hadn't been yourself. We were definitely more in disbelief and shock rather than angry. But what do we know about your situation and what it feels like to be separated from a...possibly...almost...yet somehow not certainly mate?"
"Yeah...", I responded just as confusedly.
Jimin comfortingly patted my shoulder and casually continued walking like the matter was resolved now.
"About Y/N... Why don't you know if she's your mate? Take me through your impressions.", he requested warmly.
I didn't expect my mood to switch so quickly but now that the opportunity to talk about Y/N and reminisce about our time together had presented itself, I couldn't think about anything else anymore – let alone be governed by guilt and remorse. Excitement, nervousness and frustration conquered me.
"I first noticed her scent. She smelled really good but also like a lot of honey and soap, which, as she told us, had something to do with a prank that was pulled on her. Tae said that my mate's scent is going to be addictive..."
"And hers wasn't?", he figured.
"I don't know. As I said, it was good – really good – but it didn't keep me up at night."
"Then what about her did keep you up at night?", he asked curiously and wiggled his brows.
"Her laughter. The feeling I had when she snuggled into me while sleeping or when she hugged me," I traced the palm of my hand, "How my skin tingled when we touched. And my goodness, those captivating eyes."
I cleared my throat when Jimin teasingly giggled and quickly pulled myself together again.
"But that's more like a crush, right?"
He eyed me with amusement for another moment and then shrugged.
"Could be but what do I know?"
Great. Now I was just as clueless as before.
"Do you find her pretty?"
"Pretty doesn't nearly do her justice. She's beautiful. In so many ways. It's not even the things she enhances her appearance with. It's just...her.", I smiled to myself thinking about that moment by the fire.
Jimin however looked rather confused.
"Yeah, I think I lost you at things she enhances her appearance with. What...?"
"Clothes, hairstyle, makeup. Stuff like that. But you'll get what I mean when you see her.", I explained.
He nodded slowly and then faced forward again. Something about his demeanor changed. He was more so slouching now and seemed oddly tense all of a sudden.
"What will you do if she's not the one?", he gulped with a hint of worry in his tone and pressed lips to a thin line.
Oh. And just like that the guilt and remorse took over again.
I ran a hand through my hair and thoroughly thought about my answer to his question. Frankly, I had no idea what would happen. This was completely uncharted territory for me. Honesty was said to be the best policy.
"I don't know. It has become a scary thing to think about since...today."
I took a deep breath before I went on.
"I don't ever want to get into a situation like that again. But I can't promise. I never thought I could lose control like that, especially not in front of you. But I swear I'll do everything I can to prevent such escalations. And you have my permission to take every necessary measure to stop me."
"As I said, if it happens again, I will not hesitate to inform your father.", he assured.
"That too but you're hereby allowed to knock me out if you have to. Whether that's violently or medically doesn't matter. Just don't let me hurt anyone."
Jimin's eyed widened upon my declaration.
"Please say you're kidding.", he entreated.
I shook my head and sternly looked at him to show him how serious I was. He broke our eye contact and let out a huff.
"First it has to come that far."
We fell into tense silence and walked further downhill for about twenty minutes.
*Where are you? I'll pick you up.*, Tae linked all of a sudden.
*What do you mean? We're in the forest.*, Jimin replied.
I was too startled to say something. This was the first time I heard of him since the incident and I had no idea how to behave. I couldn't just respond like nothing ever happened. A simple apology could never be enough. No words could ever be enough for how deeply I regretted what had happened. How could I best communicate that to him though?
*Go to the road. I have the car. Why walk for hours when I could easily drive you?*, Taehyung remarked.
*Thank god. I didn't think we would actually walk the entire way.*, Jimin sighed in relief.
*You volunteered to do this.*, I murmured.
*Anyways, see you soon.*, Tae interrupted us and ended the conversation.
His tone didn't give much indication of where he was at emotionally.
"See? Do you think he would do this if he hated you?", Jimin winked.
Perhaps there was a way for me to fix things. Considering that Tae was going out of his way to help us out, Jimin may have been right in his assumptions.
Could I dare hope so?
We started heading east towards the road and didn't talk all too much. The rustling of leaves and the sounds of an owl in the distance were pretty much all that could be heard. It took us quite a while to make it to the road but by the time we were there, the car was nowhere to be seen yet. Jimin dropped his bag and himself on the ground and crossed his legs as he leaned back against a tree. I remained standing and nervously fiddled with my fingers until the headlights of the car illuminated the entire area and slightly blinded us a few minutes later. I stiffened at the view and nibbled on my bottom lip when the vehicle came to a halt in front of us. Tae sat behind the steering wheel with a lolly in his mouth as his left hand hung out of the lowered window. Jimin waved at him excitedly and ran towards the trunk to place his bag in it. I followed after him, got rid of my bag as well and then awkwardly stood around.
"Will you sit in the passenger seat?", I asked him.
Jimin glanced at me as if I was crazy and then snorted.
"If you insist. But seriously? Are we in kindergarten? That seat is always yours and not taking it will not change anything. Except for your view of course. We're all still in the same car after all."
I sighed and nodded reluctantly before I made my way to the passenger seat. It took me a moment to gather my courage and open the door.
"Hey...", Tae hesitantly mumbled.
I looked at him and instantly felt like breaking down in tears. There was so much I wanted to say and yet couldn't. The lump in my throat almost suffocated me.
"Just get in. We have no time to waste, do we?", he said with a pressed smile and faced forward.
I slowly nodded, took my seat and secured my seatbelt. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and checked the rearview mirror for Jimin, who was getting in the backseat behind me and fastened his seatbelt as well. Tae then started the engine and drove downhill without sparing a second glance at either of us. My eyes were mainly stuck on my lap but eventually wandered over to him. There were bruises on his cheek, jaw, lip and even neck, not to forget the scabbed wound at the corner of his mouth. The view of him made my stomach convulse.