Her Light

VI

After spending all Thursday packing, Camila is nauseous with the reality of the moment. It's nearly dusk and she's sat on a chair in the kitchen, her head slumped into her hands like putty.

"What are you planning on wearing tomorrow?" Lauren asks, standing in the empty kitchen. They packed all the food they could find that won't go bad without the refrigerator, just in case something happens where they need food.

"I don't know." Camila shrugs. Staring down at the table, her eyes feel stuck open. "Probably a sweater and some of my old pants."

Walking over, Lauren leans onto the table with her hand in front of Camila. Camila raises her gaze, meeting the gleaming one above her.

"What if we run out of clothes? You only have so many and I have none." Lauren frowns. "Plus, we have to look nice, we are going into town tomorrow."

They're going out into town tomorrow. Holy shit, Camila's mind reels at the quickly approaching doom date. She hates the dread she feels simmering within her gut. It was to be expected, anyway, this is completely out of her comfort zone.

"Isn't there some professional outfit you're supposed to be wearing as a lighthouse keeper, anyway? Wear that."

"No," Camila says harshly, catching Lauren's eye but not in the same light as before. "No way I'm wearing that. It was my stupid father's and I'm not putting it on."

Jutting her bottom lip out, Lauren tilts her head to the side like a pleading puppy. "Please, Camila. It's just extra clothes for us to rotate through."

"You don't get it!" Lauren's disposition falls as Camila huffs angrily. "My father fucking sucked, an absolute asshole piece of shit. I'm not wearing his stupid ass coat."

Mouth gone slack with shock, Lauren immediately corrects herself and fixes her previous comment, "I am so sorry, I did not know that. You do not have to wear the coat at all."

Camila ignores Lauren's protective gaze, even though it's beaming against the side of her face brightly. Exhaling a little sigh, Lauren moves her face over and into Camila's so they can see each other.

"We could always burn the coat."

Even though Lauren is dead serious, Camila is still laughing, leaning back slightly to give more room between her and Lauren. "Maybe later." A small smile curves the corner of her lips.

"Okay," Lauren replies cheerfully, moving away from the table. Her hand dangles in the air like she wants to physically reassure Camila by cupping her face or squeezing her hand, but she doesn't. "I'm going to check everything is packed and ready. Then I say we sleep for a few hours and head out."

"Sounds good."

The sound of the door shutting signifies Lauren is gone. Camila knows Lauren is an affectionate person—she sees it everyday in her actions and hears it within her words—but it astonishes her whenever she can literally see her wanting to coo over Camila. No one has ever wanted to physically care for Camila.

Of course, Camila's ex girlfriend Lucy Vives used to. But that's in the past and after Camila left, so did Lucy and that's that. Even when they were dating, Lucy was never very affectionate. She showed her love in different ways; like standing up against her dad for her, always giving her best advice, helping prepare for Camila's father's inevitable death.

Never would Lucy ever play with her fingers or run her fingers through her hair. There were no little touches or kisses along Camila's spine whilst they slept. Thinking back on it now, maybe it was because she was unhappy with Camila. Knowing now, Camila wasn't happy with her either.