Her Light

XVII

"So how much farther up the coast should it be?" Ally is discussing logistics with Normani, since she's the only person who has heard of Serpent's Pointe.

For a fake map, that's such an obviously fake name. Camila tries to imagine how approaching a real place named that would feel. Like a scam. Camila giggles in her head. Lauren's old crew probably got the map from some pawn shop, thinking they absolutely won that day.

Now Camila is sat with her crew, paying attention (or trying to) to Ally as she maps out their route. Sitting between Dinah and Ally, Camila keeps her eyes from straying to the right where Lauren is sitting by Dinah.

How does she stop the guilt that bubbles and overflows?

Camila has been ignoring Lauren since she kissed her yesterday. At first, it wasn't entirely intentional. Camila just felt uncomfortable in her presence and started to put distance between them. And only radio silence came from that.

Uncomfortable isn't really the right word. It's more of a vulnerable feeling—like Lauren can see right through her, apprehensive and disgusted, most likely.

Her eyes betray her as they flick up to her face, curious of what's become of her features. Lauren look like she's pretending to focus; her eyebrows knitted, her lips in a small frown. But Camila knows better. Before Camila can tear her eyes away, Lauren shifts her gaze and meets hers.

All of Camila's thoughts fall when Lauren's face softens at the sight of her eyes, becoming helpless and lifeless in her brain. A shy smile and a wave from Lauren and Camila is rendered useless.

Camila doesn't wave or smile back, she just adverts her eyes and stares angrily down at the deck. Okay, so maybe Lauren isn't apprehensive or disgusted. How could she be anything but? Camila kissed her! Camila went and ruined the best friendship she's ever had with someone who means an incredible amount to her.

Tears well in her eyes at the thought, the idea she could possibly lose Lauren. How would she... where would she...?

"Hey," Dinah leans over to Camila, accidentally bumping her arm. Her hand shoots to it instinctively, protecting it as she cringes in pain. "Whoops, sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She grumbles, dropping her hand and keeping her eyes on the floor still.

She hates how her heart goes absolutely batshit at the sight of Lauren's gentle smile. Oh, how she wishes she could push it down, farther and farther down, until it stops feeling at all.

How easy that would make everything.

Then Camila could just say she kissed Lauren as a friend. They're friends. Ugh, even if Camila didn't have a little crush (getting worryingly bigger everyday) on Lauren, that still sounds ridiculously.

Fearful her gaze might betray her again, she just shuts her eyes completely. No way can Camila talk to Lauren about anything. It's better to keep avoiding her until Camila can fully understand how she's feeling.

The map meeting must be over because everyone stands up (Camila can hear them). Opening her eyes, Camila follows suit.

"Perfect, we'll keep heading up until Normani tells us so." Ally laughs, holding the map she drew up in one hand.

Normani makes some offhand comment, probably about 'that's how things should always go.' Wrapped up in her mind, Camila feels a little disoriented.

Since her arm wound has done nothing but bleed, bruise, and cause her pain, Camila has been excused from chores. So she sits lonely in the cabin most of the day, but whilst lonely, she would rather take a dive into the ocean around them than have company.