A Beautiful Reflection From Firework Eyes

We'll Turn To Ashes

Kellin is so cold. I'm afraid that he's just going to stop breathing any minute now. His pulse is faint, his breaths shallow. I curl myself around him, trying to keep him as warm as I can. I will heat to rise to my skin, trying to summon the warmth but not the flames. I feel so helpless right now. I don't know what to do or how to help him.

He shifts a little against me, letting out a small noise as I hold him tighter. He's shivering, yet he's soaked in sweat, his dark hair clinging to his pale skin. Kellin hasn't woken up, not since this morning when he opened his eyes briefly. Even then, I'm not certain if he was fully conscious then. He had been mumbling something to himself as he stared straight ahead, not registering when I spoke.

"Please wake up," I say again into the dark room as I brush his hair away from his face. If he doesn't—no. I can't lose him too. "Kellin, please." Guilt pangs my stomach. It is my fault, isn't it? Jack got hurt because of me, and because of that, Kellin got dragged into this whole mess, even though I tried so hard to keep him out of it.

It's almost noon. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep, but I couldn't care less. All I want is for Kellin to wake up.

"Kellin, please wake up," I whisper. "I love you. Please wake up for me." The words slip out before I can stop them, but they're true, aren't they? I would do anything for him, just to know that he's alive and safe. "Kellin, please wake up. I don't know what I will do if you don't. Please, please wake up." It hurts me even more to know that if he were awake, he wouldn't want me to be here. But I can't leave him alone, not right now. Not when he's unconscious and unresponsive.

I hear a knock at the door and glance over as the door opens, hoping it to be Alex or Jack. But it's just Rian, poking his head in.

"Holy—" he catches himself as he stares at the two of us. "What happened?" he mouths at me.

"Matty didn't tell you?" I mouth back at him.

He shakes his head. "I haven't seen him all day."

I frown. That's strange. I saw him last night. Worry pricks my mind, but I push it away. He's probably fine.

Rian clears his throat awkwardly. "M-49 is needed in Study," he says, but his eyes wander over to where Kellin is lying.

"He's sick," I say. "I don't think he can go today."

Rian nods, his eyes filled with worry. "I'll see what I can do," he mouths to me as his radio crackles. Rian picks it up, listening for a few moments. I catch a few words before Rian puts it back down.

"He has the day off," Rian says. I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank god. "But Vi-" he catches himself. "M-37, you're needed there instead."

I give him a short nod, leaning over to check on Kellin before I follow Rian out the door. If Kellin doesn't wake up—no, I can't think about that.

---

Kellin's more awake when I get back from Study. I immediately go to his side, checking his pulse. His skin is still ice-cold against my fingertips.

"Kellin," I call out softly. "Kellin, can you hear me?"

Kellin's eyes fly open and he struggles against to get away from me for a few moments before relaxing when he realizes that it's me.

"Hey," I brush his hair away from his face. "How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts," he coughs, trying to sit up. I push him back down onto the bed.

"Don't," I say. "You've been unconscious for over a day."

"That long?" He stares at me.

I nod. "I'm so sorry," I say. "I shouldn't have asked you to help. Gods, I was so worried."

He shakes his head. "It's okay," he rasps.

"Okay?" Anger pulses through my veins. "Kellin, you nearly died."

He gives a small shrug, pulling his hand from my grasp as he seems to remember something. "Like you care," he mutters.

I just stare at him. "Of course I care," I say incredulously. "What would make you believe that I didn't?"

Kellin looks at me, and his expression is heartbreaking. He doesn't have to say anything—I know what he's thinking about. The escape plan. And what I didn't tell him.

"Kellin, I'm sorry about—"

"Just stay away from me," he whispers, so I do.