Outlast fiction: Mrs.Gluskin

Chapter 20 The Test

~Marie~

I stood in front of the mirror looking at the marks on my body. Thinking 'I should of killed him when I had the chance, now it's too late'. Just looking at my body made me feel horrible. Feeling angry and a mixture of sadness. I turned on the shower to hot water, to help with the sores. Taking a hot shower was like washing off all pain and bruises away. When I thought about how he slammed me against wall with so much force, I realize that he was too strong to beat. Usually, when I hit somebody they go down with one punch or two. But Eddie, it will take a lot to take him down. So maybe I should fight him with words not my fists.
I scrubbed my head with soap and even that hurt, I felt the bumps. Rinsing the soap out of my head, I start crying and my face hurts.

Stood under the hot, steamy shower and took a glance at my shoulder which was a light purple mixed with dark red. It made me think. Should I kill him? Should I let it go? Should I stay with this man who I hardly know and play his marriage game?
I started to look towards my religion, one thing I highly remember was that I was big on religion.

'Please god, tell me what to do, at this point I am stuck with a man who I do not know and who almost killed me, what should I do?'

I waited, for a sign, an idea , something that would help me somehow. I turned off the shower and wrapped my body with a clean towel. Then sat on the toilet, still waiting for some kind of sign. I suddenly had the urge to check myself, my lower area. I wrapped the toilet paper around my hand and gently wiped myself clean. Funny? I didn't feel any wetness, even though I'm on my period. I took out the wrapped toilet paper, shocked I notice that there was no blood on it, no redness only wrinkled white paper. 'No, oh no' Quickly, I got up from the toilet and ran fast, sprinting half naked to Ana's and James's bathroom. There had to be some kind of pregnancy test.
I found a cupboard and like a manic I scanned through all the medication bottles, medicines, and finally found a box of pregnancy tests, I took one out and dropped the whole box on the floor. I place it under from where I pee, not even reading the directions then...... I waited and waited, and waited until I started to pee. I kept praying in my mind that I wasn't pregnant, don't get me wrong, I always wanted to be pregnant, to be a mother I was meant to be. Only problem is I didn't want to have a baby with a man I did not love.
I took the test out from under me and waited a couple of more minutes. Each minute I waited, each second, I got scared and frightened when really I should be excited and happy. Suddenly two small straight lines sign appeared in the little box. What dose this mean? I picked up the box to see the directions of the signs.

One line = not pregnant
Two lines = pregnant

I dropped the stick on to the floor, my whole body froze in shock, my heart started beating out of my chest. I thought one day I would say this to Josef but I guess I will never get to, mainly because it's not his. I'm...... Pregnant. My feeling was strange to me it was a mixture of excitement, anger, and frustration. 'I can't be pregnant' I held my head in my hands, pulling my hair where it hurts, and constantly hearing my own voice screaming at the top of my lungs.

I put my hands together and prayed to God, telling him, begging him, 'What am I to do?' Silence....... Silence was all I heard. I sat there, wondering how God has granted me a blessing, a child. But I think of it as a curse forced upon me. For one thing our child was born in to a unholy union. Meaning Eddie and I weren't married through a church, we weren't given a blessing by a priest. In fact, our whole marriage thing wasn't even real. Not real love. Not real marriage, it was nothing. That's why I should've killed him when I had the chance. Then none of this would of happen. I wouldn't become pregnant, Amy and Shelly would still be alive. And I would be...... I would be...... In a cell right now, alone and confined in to a small room, looking at nothing but four walls in the same color. Not realizing the world had changed.

I pulled my hair back, telling myself that it will be alright when I know it will not. The towel wrapped around my body, I rewrapped it tighter so that it wouldn't fall. I poked my head outside the door hoping Eddie wouldn't catch me half naked. The Coast looked clear. I tiptoed my way to the bedroom also hoping that he might be asleep. When I got to the bedroom the the bed sheets were neatly folded and Eddie was no where to be seen. I looked in the bathroom he's not there. 'Where was he?' I a presence enter the room. He was right behind wasn't he? I turned around and instantly Eddie took me in his heavy arms with me against his hard chest. I felt a tear drop on my cheek. 'Was he crying?' Another tear dropped. He held me tighter and closer. Then he kissed me on the forehead and I felt his strong chin on my head. I looked up at him, his eyes were pink, but I can still see his blue eyes. He bended on one knee as if he was about to purpose, he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Then pulled me close by my hips where he shoved his face against my stomach crying like a child would a mother. Eddie put me in an uncontrollable position.
"Marie... I'm sorry" his voice was emotional, broken. "I'm sorry, I should of never laid a hand on you. A husband should not hit his wife, a woman doesn't deserve that kind of respect. Will you ever forgive me?" I did not know what to say nor what to do.