Visions of the Sea

Chapter 1

*** Tragedy ***

I was twelve when I almost died.

I can still hear everything; my mom frantically calling and shouting at the end of the line, my dad doing the same thing, the sound of the bullets penetrating the car... everything.

Even when I close my eyes, I can still hear all the chaos.

The car I was in collided with the one coming towards us. I felt the airbag hit my face as we crashed into it. I could feel the impact all over my body. And as I was still processing what just happened, somebody opened the door and dragged me out of the car before it blew up. At that point, I blacked out and woke up lying in a hospital bed.

It's been almost four years, I would say; the tragedy that almost cost me and my mother's life. Four years of trying to live and escape the aftermath of that particular moment and at last, we got better.

But is it actually better when it continues to haunt me in my sleep?

"Let's do the sequence one more time," our ballet instructor at the Madrid's School of Ballet commands us.

After everything that happened back in the Philippines, I was urgently sent to Madrid, Spain, where I continue to remain in the company and care of my grandparents. I never went back home and this became my place of sanctuary for years. I only see my parents during the holidays or when they have more than three days to spare from work. I wasn't allowed to come to them and not a minute goes by that I don't wish to come back. I yearn and long for it.

"Pirouette, tendu, again with the pirouette and plié. Quickly go to en pointe and turn! ¡Dios mio! Salome, we do not stop in the middle of doing chaine turns. The reason you fall is because you don't spot. We always spot to have a clean turn. Passé, Thylane, and plié. Don't forget the face. Expression builds up half of the artistry. Finish nicely, ladies! And we gracefully end with an arabesque. Wonderfully done, Ms. Puertollano," aniya matapos kong sumayaw kasama ang iilang kaklase.

I am aware of the glares I'm getting from my fellow dancers. There's a prestigious gala lingering on the sidelines months away from now and they need the greatest dancer the academy has to offer to play the role of 'Giselle'. A compliment from any strict ballet instructor is a symphony to anyone's ears. Most of us believe it means something. Usually, our daily dose at the studio includes things that will most likely drop our self-esteem to the underground.

"You all get a three-minute break. We'll resume shortly," she announces and goes out the door after being called by someone.

Naglakad ako papunta sa kung nasaan ang aking dance bag at kumuha ng hairpin dahil ramdam ko ang mumunting buhok na sumasagi sa aking mukha. My dance bag typically has three pairs of pointe shoes, one pair of flat shoes, floss, pocket knife, lighter, toe pads, and toe spacers just to name a few.

One thing I learned being in ballet is that we go through so much pointe shoes solely in a month. A pair only lasts about three days because it eventually wears down due to extensive hours of training. We're inside the academy eight hours a day. I use floss instead of thread since it's steadier when I sew my pointes. Pocket knife is for scoring the wooden bottom of my shoes so they're not too slippery and stiff. The lighter is for burning the edges of my ribbons to avoid fraying. Lastly, my toe pads and toe spacers are needed to take care of my toes because I constantly get blisters, calluses, and overall, my feet hurt everytime.

"¿Por qué ella siempre está al frente y al centro? Ella ni siquiera es tan buena. (Why is she always front and center? She's not even that good.)," rinig kong utas ng isa sa mga kaklase kong competitive.