The Things I Wish I Had Told You

Part 5.

Why wait until Monday to reinvent yourself when you could test the waters on Thursday? I resisted the urge to wear my standard black hoodie, switching it up for a velvet A-line skirt my mother had picked out for me earlier that month. Paired with my knee-high suede boots and a silk shirt, I couldn't stop there, I had to go all the way with my preppy outfit marginally resembling an upper-east side Gossip Girl extra. I never wore make up every day, I never saw the point. I guess growing up at an all-girls school will do that to you. As the thick mascara shackled my lashes and I lathered the pink gloss over my chapped lips, I looked like a new woman. Most importantly, I felt like a new woman. For the first time I understood why my mother always tried so hard to get me to wear skirts and heeled boots - to feel like a woman deserving of respect.

Such look startled Marina when she opened her door holding a warm, half drunken mug of hot chocolate examining me up and down as if she had seen a ghost.

"Katherine, you look..." I had to interject; I didn't feel like myself that morning.

"Like I came out of prep school?" Confusion filled Marina's face.

"No, that's not what I had in mind. You look... ready to take on the world." I must admit that was how I felt. "And you know what? I'm here for it!" She let out a smirk and retreated to her room. Meanwhile I headed out wondering how the world would view my new self. I had never dressed up like this on an everyday basis, so I was rather intrigued when I ran into Jacob as I was walking to my class. He just stopped in his tracks, gave me an enamoured gaze and took a sip from his reusable coffee cup.

"Hey Katherine, was there a fashion show today I didn't know about?" I chuckled, sensing his confusion and relating on a profound level.

"I just felt like I needed a change, girls have those sometimes."

"Oh but, I liked your usual black attire. This however, I could get used to this I suppose. But, I'm not sure what the others would think if I turned up to pre-drinks with Blair Waldorf..." I didn't take Jacob for the type to make that reference, but appreciated the comparison, nevertheless. While we were walking together, something didn't sit quite right with me. If my closest friend Jacob could give me the flirty eyes, what would other boys think? Is this why all those other girls seem to get boyfriends so easily? Because they dress well? Do superficial differences really make such profound alterations to our relationships? A curious hypothesis I planned on exploring further.

Thursday afternoon marked the first meeting for the school newspaper. Arriving late didn't help my cause to say the least. Sitting in this old, smelly and yellow lit room, Collin Werrell stomped around by the whiteboard as if he was giving a TedTalk. A laundry list of the do's and don'ts of how to write articles worth reading. If only he took his own advice. By the time he moved onto formatting, I slid further back into my chair. My thoughts were plagued by the other night's events, they never seemed to go away. The words "you're nineteen and still a virgin" were ringing in my mind, playing on repeat like a broken vinyl. Was it really that big a deal? I never considered myself to be a prude and I still don't, but I just can't understand why boys have to be so judgemental over my sexual decisions. It's my body, I shouldn't be forced to lose the one thing I can control to some idiot who will have forgotten the experience by the end of the week anyway.

"New girl, what's your name?" Collin just scowled at me as my mind reconnected with my overly tired body. "What brings you to the Street Spirit?" At that point I couldn't remember. The hand in my brain couldn't push past all the anxiety to retrieve a good reason as to why I was here.

"I'm interested in journalism." I squeezed out meekly, immanently realising how ridiculous that must have made me sound. It wasn't too late for salvation. "I want to write a column to get past some taboos teenagers are facing in this day and age." He no longer seemed irritated by my presence.