The Things I Wish I Had Told You

Part 8.

The next week, Beavs was lively and welcoming as usual. Marina, Louise and I reclaimed our usual table and, once the drinks arrived, we began our extensive debriefing. Louise was feeling better about the other night, but was still on the alert for Owen as she didn't fancy running into him any time soon. While we enjoyed the tropical dance music - that was the Monday night theme - and our Pina coladas, we were joined by a surprisingly joyous Jacob and his sulking sidekick, Cameron. I gave Jacob a welcoming hug, but just avoided all eye-contact with the other one.

"Say, Louise, have you heard from Alec recently?" I just looked at Jacob with that 'you shouldn't have mentioned Alec' face.

"No, I haven't." Despite what Louise was going through, she presented herself with such poise and elegance, you would never have suspected anything nearly resembling what was going on. "Why? Has he said something to you?" She added inquisitively.

"Only his new nickname for you," Cameron chimed in, not that anyone asked for his opinion. He sat back wrapping his long pale fingers around his pint, waiting for the drama to unfold. He was a child whose parents had just taken him to see his first movie at the cinema and had bought him a big bucket of popcorn.

"I'm sorry, what nickname?" I don't know how well Louise and Cameron know each other, but I could sense that the two could not have been any more different if they tried.

"Oh, you know," Cameron just smirked, and Jacob stepped in.

"Cameron, don't. Louise it's not important." He tried to reassure her, but Cameron had already opened Pandora's box. Marina and I just tried to mediate the situation, not that it was any use.

"Oh, didn't you hear? He was boasting around the rugby locker room that his ex was a massive whore, but at least she had a nice ass. His words, not mine." Cameron went silent, just as Jacob stepped in to try and play it down.

"Well, it wasn't quite that vulgarly put. Cameron is just trying to make it sound worse than it was." It didn't matter. Louise was fuming like a volcano about to erupt. As she held the cocktail glass, her knuckles began to turn white with the intensity in which she gripped the glass. I imagine she was picturing that poor glass was Alec's face. Marina stepped in, telling Cameron and Jacob that they should probably head out now. Jacob agreed and they went to the bar to get another round.

"I cannot believe him! After all we've been through, he actually has the balls to call me a whore. Who the fuck does he think he is?" Louise continued to rage on and we just agreed with her on every point. It didn't matter to anyone but Louise that Alec had probably slept with half a dozen desperate girls since their break and yet, when Louise wants to express herself, she is instantly labelled. There is no label for a boy that puts his penis wherever it fits, but for girls, we're condemned to a binary choice between being a virgin or a slut.

"I've had enough of this. I will be with whoever I want and whenever I want. If he wanted me so badly, he should have thought about it before trying his games." Beyond hurting Louise by cheating 0n her, he was now actively vindictive and none of us would stand for it. As I sat there witnessing this, I began to think about my first piece for the school tabloid. I would write an exposé on attitudes towards girls and the illusion of the 'slut.'

"I refuse to restrict myself because a man thinks I'm a slut if I don't. This isn't the olden days where women are a man's property. I will not stand for it." Louise was right, she shouldn't have to hide her relationships or restrict herself for anyone, least of all Alec. "And if he has the audacity to condemn me either way, well," she spoke that last word with her voice raising with excruciating confidence. She continued, "That's all the more reason to do whatever I want. Worst case, we'll burn in hell together."