Going Back

Chapter Twenty One - I Wanted You.

I shook my head and took a step back. I might be a smart ass about some things, but sex, love and relationships were not one of those things.

"I'm not experienced with this kind of thing Evan. I don't know how it works. I thought there were no strings attached." I reminded him, barely holding it together as my heart raced a million beats per minute.

Evan's eyes softened before he looked away and walked to the fridge, he took out a bottle of wine and placed it on the bench top.

"You needed someone to take your mind off Jean, and I needed to stop being scared. We helped one another." I exclaimed, working my thoughts out loud. I was still lying to myself and to Evan though. I'd never wanted no strings, I didn't want to be with him to stop being scared. I wanted to be with him because I just did. "Didn't we?"

Evan didn't say anything, he took down two wine glasses from the cupboard and filled them both in silence.

"You assumed that I wanted to take my mind off Jean." He whispered, lifting the glasses up. He walked over to me and held one out. "You assumed I wanted to keep things casual. I thought I could do it, could give you what you said you wanted."

I took the glass, but felt too nauseous to drink any of it.

"I don't understand." I mumbled. I knew how I had been feeling, hearing what Evan was saying was confusing me. I hadn't expected it, and I wasn't sure why.

"It's never been no strings for me Alice." He sounded sad, almost guilty as he drained his entire glass of wine like it was some kind of shot. "I wanted you from the day you stepped into my life. I wanted you... not just sex."

From the moment I stepped into his life? When he called me a pleb? I shook my head and I took another step backwards and placed the wine glass down on the table. I was confused by the sudden onset of feeling betrayed that moved through me, after all I'd done the same thing. I'd let him think I'd wanted nothing more and yet nothing was further from the truth.

"Evan..." I managed to mumble. "You should have said..."

He nodded. "Yes."

"I thought..." I paused and swallowed back the ball of fear in my throat. "I wanted you too Evan. Just you... I said what I thought I needed to, to make it okay. To make you want to be with me, even if it was only ever purely physical."

I felt sick, like I'd manipulated him. I'd done the typical say one thing and mean another that all the stupid girls in romantic comedies always seemed to do. I was too scared to look at him, but I owed it to him.

His eyes were surprisingly soft, he smiled slightly before closing the gap between us.

"I figured Ace." He whispered. "Or at least until this moment I'd hoped."

"You're not angry?"

"Why would I be. I agreed to the situation for the reason you suggested it, because I wanted you, I still want you. I didn't walk into this blindly Ace." His hands slipped into mine.

"What does this mean for us?" I said. "What are we?"

Evan lifted one of his hands to my face and ran his fingers through my hair. "We could actually have the relationship we told Scarlett and Xavier we were having." He smiled.

I ignored the adolescent like skip in my stomach and bit my bottom lip. I smiled and then tilted my head.

"Like boyfriend, girlfriend?" I stopped myself and shook my head. I sounded so immature and inexperienced. Because I was immature and inexperienced. Evan and I were at completely different stages in life. He was a business mogul and I was a lost little puppy with no clue.

"No?" Evan replied, his voice soft and sad.

"No.. no, yes Evan. I just... I just sound like a teenager."

Evan laughed and pressed his lips against my forehead.

"I won't hold that against you." He whispered. "Cos I feel kind of like one when we're together."

I looked up at Evan and smiled sadly, we weren't fooling ourselves about our reasons for falling into bed anymore, but maybe we were still fooling ourselves about this new development, this relationship. "Now I really don't want to leave in a few days."

¨We could run away." he whispered. "I'm not opposed to keeping you all to myself."

"Don't tempt me." I warned with a playful smile.

Evan grinned and picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and he walked into the living area and sat down on the couch.

"Are you insinuating that you can be tempted."

I smiled and kissed him on the mouth, it was easy to forget about any of the impending changes when we were like this, so close to falling together. He returned the kiss and snaked his hands up the back of the old sweater of his I'd put on. I was naked underneath and as soon as he realised it he grunted with approval.

"You have no idea the effect you have on me Ace."

"I think I'm beginning to." I whispered, I leaned in and kissed his neck, he leaned back and moved beneath me. His hands, still underneath the sweater I wore, moved to the fabric, he lifted it off, sitting me up so he could get it over my head. I sat on his lap, naked from the waist up.

"You're so perfect." He murmured, pulling me closer, his mouth met the apex of my breast, and his tongue flicked over the sensitive skin. I was too caught up in the moment to argue with his inclination to profess me perfect, and instead leaned in. He wanted access and I wanted to give it all to him. He stood up with me, still on his lap and walked down the hallway to his bedroom, peppering skin with kisses the entire way. Without much effort we fell onto the bed and he removed the loose track pants I'd put on. He fell to his knees and kissed my inner thigh, softly, slowly, deliberately.

I moaned, unable to contain the way he was making me feel deep in my center. I needed more, almost like he could read my thoughts he pressed his mouth there, I arched, unable to contain myself. Evan's hand moved up and over my hip, he grabbed at the top of my tailbone and held me close to him. I could barely think straight, my entire body felt like it was melting beneath him. I didn't have the strength to hold myself up anymore, but he was holding me there.

Quickly it became too much. I trembled beneath him, it started in my legs, causing my toes to curl and travelled through my entire body.

"Baby." Evan whispered, the vibrations melted through me and I called out his name as I floated down from whatever cloud he'd left me on. He moved up the bed, hovering above me.

"I need you." He whispered. "I need you like I need oxygen."

"I need you too." I whispered back. Need wasn't the right word, but I was too scared to say the word I really meant. Evan smiled and stood up, he removed his pants and I smiled as I noticed just how much he needed me. I looked up at him and bit my lip. His eyes flickered and he smiled before lying back down above me. His lips pressed against the curve of my neck as he eased himself inside. I closed my eyes and arched into him. When we were like this it felt right, not that I had experience, but I assumed that it didn't always feel like this. Surely.

"Stop thinking." He murmured. His lips pressed against mine. "Right here, right now... were together."

I smiled and kissed him back, losing myself in him once more. I ignored that we were on borrowed time now and gave in completely to him. We moved together, holding on to one another like our lives and the world depended on it. As we reached ecstasy together it was intense I wasn't sure I was ever going to recover.

Evan slumped beside me, we were still entwined, still connected. I was tired, We still hadn't eaten, but for right now I was exhausted. Evan pulled me close to him, so that my head was on his chest. One arm was around me, his fingers slowly drew over my bare back, sending me slowly to a light slumber.

Just before I nodded off, his other hand touched my face, brushing a stray hair from my slightly damp skin.

"I love you." He murmured before pressing his lips to my forehead.

  

A/N - Sorry  few days later than planned, but its up!