No Name [Ereri/Riren Fanfic] [COMPLETED]

Chapter Fifteen

A/N: Play the song provided when you see ♫ Thank you, and enjoy!

     Dinner was a bit awkward this time around after Eren's sudden change in character, but I still managed to talk to him about the songs we wrote today just fine so that's a plus I suppose. I don't know what I had said to upset him like that but I had a feeling it had something to do with me mentioning his mother, and if that were the case then why the cold and silent hatred? As much as I love to be able to be there for Eren, I need to figure out this other side of him if I'm to help him in every way possible.

     That night I didn't crawl into my bed at my usual bedtime, but instead I sat at my desk writing lyrics for a song. My head was filled with words and emotions so it was the perfect blend for my hands and mind to come up with a song right on the spot. At first my mind was thinking about Eren and his change in behavior but then as I kept writing my mind switched to thinking about my mother, and then Kenny, and then Eren again. It was weird. Weird that my mind kept switching between multiple people that I held dear, so it was definitely a first for me.

     Eventually my hand just stopped and my mind drew a blank, so I took this as my cue that I had written down all that was in my mind onto the paper before me. I then grabbed my guitar and started strumming some chords to see what would sound best for this piece I wrote for myself. As I mentioned before to Eren, I know a lot about acoustic guitar because my foster family had me take lessons, so I guess it kind of just stuck with me through the years. Once my fingers found the chords my mind thought would be best, I began piecing the song together quicker than I had when I worked on Eren's songs.

     It was a simple tune in my opinion but I didn't mind its simplicity at all because frankly I enjoyed it. It reminded me of how my life was with my mother and Kenny before she died, how my mother's sweet embraces were always warm, how Kenny's guttural laughs were true and kind, how I had high hopes for my life with my small family before everything was snuffed out. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to get through it all on my own, but Kenny stuck around and kept his promise to my mother before I broke their promise myself. I didn't want to be like him, a murderer for an organization. I wanted to carry my mother's intent and kindness with me and share her nature with everyone else.

     However, I realized how all my hopes were childish a long time ago. I still carry my mother's legacy with me, sure, but I keep that legacy to myself now. It's a greedy part of me that I hate, but everyone is greedy over something, whether they want to or not. I suppose that's something we can never change really. No one can change their greediness nor their personality really. Once you fully mature into the person your parents or yourself want to be, that's who you are for the rest of the journey. Sure, you can try to change yourself for the better, but no one can do such a thing successfully. At least, not without sacrificing whatever makes them unique.

     Anyhow, now that I think about it I think Eren's sudden change in behavior may be because he may have had to grow up with his mind constantly protecting him from all the external trauma that surrounded him. Now that he's a part of this band, my band, his mind is having trouble taking down the protective walls that erupted during his life with his father's abusive nature. It's only natural for him to be weary of his surroundings and who he's with after going through all of that. I suppose I was being a bit pushy or appeared to be pushing my own greediness, the greediness of me wanting him to get better soon, onto him. It must have put him on the edge, and that's the reason for his behavior before dinner.

     I kept thinking about it as my fingers slowed down their strumming of the song I had put together and then stopping, allowing me to just stare emptily at the floor beneath me. Maybe it was presumptuous of me to apply all that pressure onto him like that, and that he had hold back how he really felt about it.