An Endless Day

Chapter-16

I nodded. I was far from ready to face whatever lied ahead. He asked me to stay at the same place and left somewhere. I looked around. I saw the place I had arrived in when I was devoid of hope and a sense of future. I saw where I had broke down in front of hundreds of strangers and only one of them cared enough. When I closed my eyes, I looked through every madness, every emotion we have been subjected to. I loved it. I came to an adventure that I was waiting for whole of my life, though not in good circumstances. I wouldn't have dared come otherwise, but  I did and I couldn't be more grateful. When I looked around I saw the city that had been so welcoming that I forgot my own home in its embrace. And then I saw him, because of whom I had managed to survive and more importantly learned to live. He was broken too, just like I was, but unknowingly, he changed my ways.

I never knew if goodness as such exists. I had known the world from lenses. I knew the crimes I saw on TV, I knew how badly ruined people are. I knew beautiful places exist and that they are beautiful. I dreamed of living in them and could never imagine myself actually there. He brought my trust in humanity back. He made me realize that in a world like ours, if there is plain evil, there lies goodness too which is just hidden because of the evil, who likes to stay upfront. 

I never knew the meaning of adventure before him. No sane person would dare to jump off a scary cliff like that. We did it together, and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I survived too, and I'm glad I defeated death. I'm glad because it's not just an addiction to feel superior, it was a habit that I wanted to follow forever. A habit of living life, and not merely surviving it. 

The only thing I couldn't learn was the art of letting go. I thought I had successfully learnt that until this moment. I saw him from a distance, strolling back towards me. I wanted to let go him, I had no other choice. I also wanted to let go the guilt, the loss, the grief I had in me. But losing all of these things, which I genuinely wanted absent seemed like an easy task then. I had lived for years trying to escape and now it seemed so easy. What remained tough was saying goodbye to him. 

He came back with my tickets, and handed them back. 

"You didn't have to. You have to go home too." I felt bad enough for him, he basically petted me for two days. 

"I have more. Bought mine too." He raised his ticket and waved it into the air. It took every ounce of strength that I had in me to not look at the place he was headed.

"Thank you" was all I managed to blurt out. Surprised he looked at me, and then the familiar smile made its way. 

"We have time. Let's sit?"

I nodded, afraid my choking throat would give me away.

We sat down nearby, the silence engulfing us again.

"Thank you, you made me sleep." He suddenly stated. I couldn't help but laugh. He had taught wonders to me, and was thanking me for this. 

"Seriously, it had been long since I slept like that, what you call in your bookish language, like a baby.", said he, and smiled again. 

I brought my bag out in front and opened the zip. I found the diary I was looking for, the one with the skyline. And I gave it to him. He never took it, instead kept looking at me for more information.

"Take it." I stated and he did. His eyes shone bright, the same way it had when he finished reading it. 

He kept it quietly, no more discussions. We sat there, with so  many words that had hung in the air before, now lost somewhere. Before we knew it, the bus arrived and we remained seated till we could and then we had to stand up. 

The bus was to leave in five minutes. I hung my backpack again and went to him. I could do nothing more than to hug him, both of us silent. I whispered "I'll miss you" and I left, just like that. I climbed up the two steps and when I turned, he was gone. Just like he had come.

He was out there somewhere, I knew, and he taught me what I never thought I'd be able to do. He taught me to leave silently, and even though it was the hardest thing I had ever put myself into, I left. I was taking him with me forever. And I hoped I would meet him again some day. For now, it was important to go back and tell the world that I'm alive, but some day, we'll meet again. Till then, he would just be him to me, a nameless personality that came for me, taught me how to live and left. If we ever meet again, the first thing I will ask about him will be his name.

I'm letting you go 

Far away as you do so

Away from everything

that could have been

Away from what you and I 

might have seen.

I'm letting you go, cause I know

It does no good to hold the grudge

To love beyond and break the code

So I'll let you go

For maybe I'd find me

Amidst the priorities set

I would maybe choose me.