An Endless Day

Chapter - 10

It was three in the morning. We had reached somewhere frightening. Well, nothing really seems appealing when you stand in the middle of an unknown land in a place even less familiar. I could barely make out the borderlines of the road I was seeing in front of me. We had run on the grass for so long, and the dampness made it even harder to move. And now, it seemed like we had come far enough to deserve a rest. I have always liked nights way better than days. The stillness, the silence, it agreed with me. To live a feeling of being the only one awake, the world fast asleep in dreams, while you create some of your own. It has a whole new existence to it, a feeling that couldn't be described. The night today, had the same strange stillness. Everything and everyone slept, even the trees and the houses. The only ones awake were me, him and the stars.

Exhausted from the running, he too, was bent on his knees, breathing loudly. Considering that he is way more fit than I am, I couldn't help but feel proud that I was back to normal first, although he took just a couple more moments. As soon as he caught his breath, he looked around, his mind already running fast on the next move. I have no idea how to read faces, but I could see calculation clearly on his. He went and looked around.

" We are going to collect some sticks, let's burn a little fire before we become ice-creams ourselves."

I didn't say anything, not wanting to let the silence slip away. I simply walked in a direction most favorable and looked around for wood. We worked together for around fifteen minutes and managed to collect enough. Exhausted because of the lack of sleep and running and working, I fell down on grass, and when I said I couldn't move at all, I wan't lying. He did the rest of the work and the confidence gained earlier was lost far away. 

 I had come to Manali, a day earlier, well technically, two days ago now. I ran away. I'm not proud of it, but that's what I did. I ran away so I could be alone for a while, to think, to work out my issues. I didn't have major ones. I considered myself lucky because I come from a family who fed me, treated me right, loved me. Still, every breath I took caged me. I was caged and I wanted freedom, and the door was in front of me, open. I just had to dare to stand up and free myself. For months, I had been trying, and I failed all of the times. I never told anyone that I don't see the point anymore. What good can come out of a journey that has to end with you lying alone? I never knew. I made to-do lists, to find reasons to live, to know that life is not a bad idea I didn't get to choose. I failed, like always. I wouldn't kill myself, I knew that. Killing myself and passing onto the pain I felt to people I love, I never dreamt of it. But in dire need of reasons to , I continued living. And one day it exploded. Every thing that was caged in me, it exploded to the extent that I couldn't take it. The guilt for feeling depressed when you're supposed to be more resourceful than 70% of your country, burned me too. I hated that I was unhappy, I hated that I had lost someone and I hated that the presence of people in my life was so important to me. I wished I could be like those people who just don't care. For those people letting go is so much easier. I couldn't do it.  And that day, I packed a small bag, with nothing in my mind. I kept a bunch of my diaries, a few clothes, some money I had collected, and I left. Although I didn't mean to, I left my phone in my room, and in the refreshing morning of October, I found myself sitting in a window seat of the train. I was glad of the little note I had left behind, with the words, "Back in a week" and I had a very visual idea of how my parents would have taken it. 

"Asleep already?" He called out.

I opened my eyes, realizing for the first time that I had closed them. He had already finished setting up everything and I felt guilty for not helping. 

"Wait. Did you sleep at all?" The guilt kept increasing every moment as I asked him the question. He had fallen asleep earlier but I had no idea how much he slept.

"Nope, couldn't sleep."

"So you should now. I'll keep watch." His straight face broke into a smile then. 

"I can't sleep easily. I'm insomniac." 

I sat upright. And we sat there together.

Is it wrong to feel quite right in the quiet

To just not sleep and be at peace

To sit on the bed and gaze far away

Through the window, into the sky

The unreachable lights

The non-forgettable dismay

The relations forgotten and the sleepy wry

Is it too wrong to like the night

To not sleep and let the mind wander

Where you can't.

For it's the time of endless time

Far away from people, still in their dreamy prime

Is it too wrong to love the dark

To not sleep and be free

To do as the heart please

For it's when the deepest darkest desires show up.

When every sin hurts

When despite all efforts, memory of 

The person is stuck.