an ode to the hopeless, these are for you

relapse

i think you would've been very proud of me,
i had made it so far.

i could see the horizon and the air was thin and cold,
i was almost there.

but there was an avalanche.
and now i'm at the bottom again,
with broken wrists and collarbones too damaged to touch.

the tears began to freeze to my face as i lay there,
with the thought of nothing filling my brain, and blood filled with every emotion rushing to my heart.

but i was almost there,

and that's what is most painful.

not the bruises, not the charcoal lungs, not the nausea,
the physical could never amount to the psychological.

i was almost there.