Between The Bars | A Lizkook AU

21.

He wonders if there will ever be a morning when he'll wake up not missing her. Like a rush of longing and the doubts are no longer there. He had spent close to 5 months aching and yearning for her presence - will he spend another 5 years feeling the same? Will he still look for her in other woman's faces and bodies, just like he did when he was with Ji Eun?

Here are the things I want for myself:

I want me to be happy. I want whoever that comes along to know the warmth you've brought into my life before, and I want her to feel the exact way of how I did when I was with you. I want her to know how happy I was and that I lost you because of my ungratefulness. And in the end, maybe she'll tell to fuck off and go find you instead because who wants to be compared endlessly for the rest of their lives??

Jungkook chuckled at his own battling thoughts. He had been staring out to the window, the walls and ceiling for the entire night and his mind has been going around in circles. Will he go crazy after a while if he keep being like this? Hmm...that's actually an idea! Would he still feel this shitty if he goes crazy? Who would be disappointed in him most if he does - his mom or his dad?

He starts weighing out the possibilities in his head. The sun is up...in a few hours she'll be on her plane back. Had she played the USB? Probably not. She probably chucked it in somewhere in her luggage. She'll forget about him and the USB altogether once she reached Thailand. She will probably find it once she's done unpacking - but decided to put it somewhere unmemorable in her room. 

Jungkook held in his breath and counts to ten. Forgive myself...forgive yourself...I'll be where I'm supposed to be...forgive myself...

He sits up, then lie back down again - shutting his eyes as another tear fell

...

'We sent a package to your house. Let me know once you receive it. A way of thank you from miss Lee Hi'

He stares at the message sent by Man-Sik. A 'thank-you'? For what? They haven't even talked about the song or recording yet, why would they send a gift now? He only sent the demo yesterday...maybe it's a 'thanks, but no thanks'? Was it bad - oh God, he shared it with Lisa! It's bad and he shared it with Lisa!!

He groaned to himself and lay back down on the bed. That's it. I won't get up - I have zero energy and I've lost everything so they can just leave the package wherever they want - 

He heard the ring of the doorbell and ignored it by hiding his face tightly under a pillow. Zero energy - go away!!

...

It's now 11am. She'd be sitting comfortably in her plane by now, with her aunt and Bam-ie. I hope she's had her breakfast. If not, I hope they're serving a good meal for you in there. It'll be a long 5 hours flight...a long fly back. I hope she's safe and happy.

...

He ignores the fourth buzzing of his phone. He had put it on Silent mode and placed it far from his reach, but for some reason, it's still vibrating loudly. Or maybe it sounded loud because the house is too quiet...

"How are you so good at coming up with sad lines all the time?" He asked as he jots down what she just said. "Is it cus of me? Do I make you sad baby?"

She giggled and hugged her knees on the couch, shaking her head slightly. 

"No...it's not about the past or present. I don't know...it just came to mind when you asked what I thought. I just thought of it like...someday, one way or another, you'll be taken away from me or I'll be taken away from you. It's inevitable and it scares me,"