Blessed With A Curse

Chapter 7

Bags packed, room left empty. Everyone else had already gone at this point. My father waited for me at the station. I was surprised he'd come to pick me up. We spoke very little on our way home. He seemed colder than usual, I thought back to if something I had done could have possibly upset him. The only thing being the bird but that felt like years ago now. The silence on our journey back only had my mind pacing back and forth, never before had I been so desperate to go back to Hogwarts. This time would give me space to think, process everything that had happened in the past few weeks. I had never been so puzzled before, unsure on what I wanted and how I felt. When pulling up towards the great manor that we called home, I begged for a bit of colour, the black and grey walls standing tall, the white ice hiding all the green, all the life. A step into the house and it echoed the silence, many empty rooms, filled with lifeless walls and regretful memories. The three of ought to downsize, the space separated us further apart, we were far enough. My mother stood there, her grey skin almost matching the walls she leaned on. She looked tired, more than tired, completely drained. I looked at my father full of concern, but his eyes never met mine.

"My sweet boy." She croaked. My arms wrapped around her, cradling her stone body. Her hands in my hair, pressing my head to her chapped lips, leaving a dragged kiss. "I've missed you so." She whispered.
"I've missed you mum." My voice broke and I felt as though the tears I had been fighting back might just brim over the edge.
"Let's go in." She ushered me inside, the door locking out any sign of light. This was once a happy home, with laughter and hope.
My father disappeared straight away, not wasting another second in our presence. We sat at the dining table that stretched across to the other side of the room, the flowers in the vase weeping. "You have to tell me how school was." She smiled, a fake smile. She was hiding something.
"Is everything okay mum?" The concern was buried deep in my voice. She shook her head no but the pain expression on her face told a thousand stories. I wished my mum all the happiness in the world, she'd become a shell, hollow, empty.

It was hard to believe that they were once in love, my mum still very much. I never understood why she sacrificed everything for him, she put him before herself, always. She put him before me, it wasn't something I'd ever get use to. I'd never know any different before I saw how other mothers loved their children. It wasn't the same with me. She loved me, of course she loved me, but it would never compare to the love she felt for him. If it was me or him, she'd chose him, always. I couldn't say my father would choose either, probably glad to rid us both. I wished to never love someone the way my mother loved my father and I hoped no one would feel that way towards me. Love is always followed by heartbreak, it's a weakness. I would never allow myself to fall in love.

I laid in my bed, the silence was deafening, they'd left me already. I hadn't expected much else. I thought back to Blair, to how good of a Christmas she must be having. I grabbed my laptop and searched Germany, then Germany winter. The images fresh in mind, I closed my eyes and imagined myself there. Bright lights, laughter filling the open air, music crowding over it, all the happy faces. Yellow, greens, blues, reds. Here it was black, white and grey completely heartless. I thought back to how she would struggle with the cold, Germany wasn't very warm, but I'm sure she was sat around a winters fire, a huge smile on her face. The ecstatic, warm sensation started the flood through my veins, I quickly, urged it to stay away. I counted her as a friend, closer to me than anyone else, but that was because our friendship was different to the others. All I ever wanted was to spend my time with the sweet girl, guard her from all the darkness she didn't yet know about. But the one person I had to protect her from was me. How could someone so genuine, kind and innocent, be appealed by me, chose my friendship over everyone else's. I wanted to know how she had felt about me, I hoped she felt nothing but friendship but the selfish side of me begged that it was more. The more time away from her the more I began to realise how much I cared for the girl. It wasn't fair. Me? A dark, evil, lonely soul. I didn't deserve happiness, I had wronged so many people, I deserved to be alone. But she- she deserved all the happiness the world had to offer. Someone who would take care of her, catch her when she falls, make her laugh when she's down. I should have kept my distance ignored her for longer, long enough that she'd make new friends, friends of her own kind. It's still possible, when we go back, I'll leave her alone, switch classes if I have to, I'll make sure she forgets I even exist. I'd go back to being alone, it would be hard not to crawl back, but I had to promise myself, for her sake I'd have to make things right.