Blessed With A Curse

Chapter 27

The days became one endless, suffocating loop. I had nothing to wake up for. The lessons dragged as I got lost on my own thoughts, I needed a break out of my head. But I couldn't forgot that this had all been for nothing, my time completely wasted. Everything I did, I saw her, even if she wasn't there, my mind would relate it to something she did or said. It was never ending, I couldn't escape her. What I wanted more than anything was for someone to obliviate me, let me forget she even exists. I saw no other way out.

I didn't eat much at dinner, I was more playing with my food than eating it. Blaise and Goyle tried to get me into a conversation but I had nothing left to say. I just wanted to be alone. Getting up, I made my escape to the common room. The air was getting thick and it felt like the walls were closing in on me, I couldn't breathe! My thoughts crowding my vision, replaying the visions of her in my head. 'You coward!' Why couldn't I rid her voice out of my head? Collapsing onto the sofa, I burst into a heart breaking sob, the screams I had been holding in finally released. I hated her! The door opening caught my attention, instantly stopping my cries. I quickly wiped away the tears that stained my cheeks, my hand dripping wet. It was ridiculous. I shouldn't be the one crying.
"Draco?" A voice whispered, I had no intention on looking back. "Are you okay?" Pansy said, making her way towards me. She was the last person I wanted to see.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped. Please leave me alone, I mentally begged.
"I came to see if you were okay, you ran off." Why did she care?
"I'm fine, why don't you just go back and leave me alone?" I buried my head in my hands, it was absolutely throbbing, banging against my skull.
She grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my face, her fingers intertwining with mine. When I looked up I was shocked to see the desperation in her eyes, she was genuinely concerned for me.
"You don't have to keep pushing me away." She whispered.
"What do you want Pansy?" I breathed.
"Tell me what's the matter, is it because of Blair?" Even hearing her name made sick to my stomach, I tried pulling away but she wasn't giving up. "Do you miss her?" She asked.
"Pansy please." I begged, all the fight in me ran out. Her bold eyes stared into mine, her face gaining closer, she wiped away a tear that slid down my face.
"She doesn't deserve your tears Draco." She was right, she didn't, she set me free and all I could do was let my heart bleed. I didn't deserve this pain. I wondered if Blair was wondering how I was, had I crossed her thoughts because her names all over mine. She wouldn't be, she didn't care, she'd proved that.

Pansy got up from the crouch position she'd been sat in, her legs wrapping around me as she sat on my lap. What was she doing? Her hands cupped my face, her eyes staring down at my lips.
"Pansy." I warned but that didn't stop her. She edged closer, her lips inches away from mine, her eyes watching my face carefully. Why wasn't I pushing her off?
"Pretend I'm her." She said before crashing her lips against my own. Initially I was in shock, breathless by her rash movements but I was kissing her back, my tongue following hers, our lips moving as one. My eyes fluttered closed and I wished it was Blair, I begged for it be Blair. A tear slid down my face as I realised nothing else could compare, no one ever would. Moving my face away, I stopped kissing her. Why had I kissed her? She grabbed my jaw, forcing me back to her, pressing her lips back against mine.
"Stop." I said against her lips but she didn't.
"I said stop!" I shouted throwing her off me, she went flying back onto the table, shock taking over her entire face. "Fuck." I huffed, standing, pushing back the hair from my face. What have I just done?
"What the fuck Draco!" She shouted, charging straight towards me. "You didn't have to fling me to the other side of the room! Are you insane?" She shrieked, her face now in mine.
"I told you to stop." I reminded her, trying to justify my actions.
"Stop acting like you didn't like it." She whispered, diving back for my lips. I'd had enough, I wasn't going to take her shit any longer. My actions were fuelled by rage, I grabbed her by her throat, slamming her against the wall, my fingers so tight she gasped hoping for air.
"You won't repeat this to anyone." I threatened. Her eyes were bulging, her hands gripping onto mine, desperate for me to let her go. I finally released, she fell to the floor, I didn't want to look at her. She gasped for air, her fingers darted towards her neck. "You're pathetic." I said, looking down at her like a piece of dirt.

I couldn't believe what had happened last night, I couldn't believe what I did. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that. I wanted to apologise, ask if she was okay but I knew I shouldn't. At breakfast she didn't even look at me, she didn't sit with us, went to the girls instead. Blaise commented on her absense.
"What's up her arse." He rolled his eyes. I just shrugged my shoulders, pretending I didn't know anything about it. That I wasn't the reason she was distancing herself. I really did screw everything up, what's wrong with with me?

I couldn't help myself but watch Blair, I craved seeing her face so badly and not just in memories but in person, I had to see her.
She stirred her cereal around with her spoon, completely uninterested in eating. Me and her both. Her eyes were full, dark bags hanging from underneath them, she looked like she hadn't slept in years. As awful as it sounded I was glad, glad to know I wasn't the only one struggling. But then her face dropped, the blood running clear off her skin, she was as pale as a ghost. Her head snapped to my direction, I saw the hatred that boiled through her entire body, stiffening at the site of me, she switched back to her original position. I had to look in her direction and everything became clear as she stared at the back of Pansy's head. She erupted from the table, dashing straight out the hall. Before I knew it I was chasing after her.

"Blair stop!" I called but she continued to run, straight outside, trying to escape me as quick as possible. But I was faster, I bolted toward her, grabbing her harshly, twisting her towards me.
"Get off me!" She screamed the tears uncontrollably running down her cheeks.
"Look let me explain!" I called as she attempted to walk away. "Blair please!" I wasn't about to take all the blame on this, I wasn't going to be the bad guy. She hurt me first, she betrayed me first. We're in this situation because of her!
"How could you?"She cried, not even attempting to rid the tears that streamed down her face.
"I didn't do anything!" I defended. "She came on to me!"
"You kissed her!" She spat. "Don't play dumb I saw the whole thing!" Why the fuck was Pansy even thinking about it? She should be disgusted by me for what I did.
"Did you see me pushing her off? Did you see me telling her to stop?" I wasn't giving up. She didn't answer, clearly not. Pansy only remembered what she wanted to see. "Read my mind!" I demanded, letting down my guard. "Go on! You've always been so desperate to, so do it, see what really happened." I screamed , she looked away completely defeated. "Read my mind Blair!"
"Stop." She cried. "I don't want to see, stop, please." She saw what I wanted her to see but it still didn't please her. "I loved you." She sobbed.
"No you don't get to say that, not now, don't say that Blair." I shook my head, trying to un hear the words. She can't tell me this now, not whilst I'm falling apart, she's trying to ruin me.
"But it's true, I love you Draco."
"You don't get to say that, not after everything you've done. I saw the photo of Cedric, you chose him over me." The anger built back up in me. I wasn't going to fall over her words all over again.
"He's dead!" She cried out.
"But if he wasn't you'd be back in his arms right now, you know you would!" The images replayed constant in my head. Last year when they spent so much time together. They should have been together, not me and her.
"I love you! I've always loved you, from the very start. Theres been no room to even care for anyone else." I wanted to stop her from talking, I couldn't listen to her lies, I couldn't take it any longer. I tried getting away, the roles reversed. She grabbed on to my arms. "No you don't get to leave." I pushed her off but she continued to fight me, not letting me go.
"Get off me Blair." I shoved her again.
"Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone." She spat. My heart was thudding against my chest. I loved her unconditionally. I don't think I'll ever stop loving her, no matter how bad she hurts me. "Tell me and I will go." But love was not enough.
"I don't love you."