Blessed With A Curse

Chapter 28

I was completely crushed. It was over for good. I didn't go to glass for the remaining few weeks, told them I was sick, got Snape to lie for me. I was sick, if being heartbroken was a sickness it was the worst sickness anyone could feel. I did all my work from our room, I never left my room. Other than when I apologised to Pansy. I should have never hurt her like that. She forgave me of course, she felt sorry for me. It was obvious to everyone that I was an empty shell.

Flash back
"I'm sorry about that." I stroked the bruises on her neck, riddled with guilt, I tried gulping it down. She offered me a small smile, moving my hand away, her touch was cold.
"It's okay Draco, I've forgotten about it. It doesn't hurt." She tried to reassure me and I didn't deserve it.
"At least let me fix it." Anything that would make the guilt go away. She nodded her head. I got out my wand, making the marks disappear from her pale skin.
"Thank you."

Both her and Blaise took turns in handing in my work and grabbing me food to eat. I hardly touched any of it. It was visually showing too, my face hollow, I looked a mess. I laid in my bed day in, day out trying to sleep away most of it. But my dreams were just destroyed by nightmares, there was no escape.

Blaise came into the room, a plate of food for me in his hands. He placed it on my bedside table before sitting on the edge of my bed, a sigh escaping his lips. I kept my eyes on the covers.
"This has to stop mate." He sighed again. "Does your mum know-"
"Don't tell my mum." I snapped. "I don't want her to worry." I didn't want her to see me like this, know I could get this low. I was just waiting for the day I'd feel better, hoping it would come before I went home.
"We're all worried mate." His voice was deep with concern. I felt guilt, they shouldn't have to suffer with me.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled.
"Can you at least try eating something." He gestured to the stacked plate. He'd picked up a bit of everything in hope it would encourage me. "Or at least go outside, get some fresh air. It's no good being stuck in this room."
"What day is it?" I asked, I had lost track, every day just merging into one.
"Saturday." He simply answered. I should have been with Blair, we spent most our Saturday together. It pained me to think about, like a stab straight at the heart. "Look, a few of us are going to Hogsmeade, come with us." I shook my head instantly, she'd probably be there. "I'm not taking no as an answer mate. You've been locked up in here long enough. Eat your food and get dressed." He said before disappearing. I didn't deserve friends like this. I should be thankful. It wasn't the response I thought they'd give. Blaise and Pansy were there for me and I had to try for them.

Forcing my body off the bed, I stumbled over to the mirror. A mess. Splashing the cold water onto my face, our small bathroom began to cave in on me. I should get out. I brushed my teeth, dressed into clean clothes. I hadn't worn anything other than joggers for weeks. It was noticeable how my trousers no longer fitted. I put on my belt trying to fill the gap. Chucking on a large jumper, to hide the noticeable weight of lost. I pushed my hair back, look in the mirror once more. When would it get better?

I looked over at the plate. Already feeling sick just at the sight of it. But I had to try. I wasn't going to get better if I didn't try. I bit down into one of the chicken legs my stomach already turning. A tear slipped, falling down my face. But I forced myself to carry on. Even if it takes all night or a hundred years I'd get through this. I managed to finish everything off, I didn't feel any better for it but it was a first step. I just needed to keep it down. I prayed that I would keep it down.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs everyone looked up at me in shock. Blaise, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle. I smiled lightly, thankful for their support. Goyle grabbed my shoulder giving me a tight squeeze, a painful smile pressed onto his face.
"He's finally out." Goyle said, Blaise gave him a deathly glare. I just shrugged at his comment. I didn't realise everyone was waiting for me to appear. Without much more to be said, we made our way to Hogsmeade, Pansy and Blaise keeping an awfully close eye on me. We terrorised a few of the first years, take one to the shrieking shack and locking them in there. I smiled lightly. It was like old times but it wasn't. Hurting others wasn't going to recover me. We spent the rest of the day at Broomsticks Inn, it was crowded as usual, I was relieved to see she wasn't there. I could finally breathe. Blaise sneaked us a Butterbeer and a Firewhisky with his fake ID. It was a good thing he looked much older than the rest. The alcohol helped numb the pain a bit and I was grateful. I was beginning to relax, trying to involve myself as much as I could in conversation even though I had little to say. It forecasted rain, so we quickly dipped back not wanting to get caught in it. It was unusual to rain at this time of year. But it reflected how I felt.

We played a few card games, Blaise bringing down his Vodka for the loser to take a shot. I hadn't realised how little time I'd spent with them, after being so consumed by her. I could honestly say I had missed it. It made this all a lot more bearable. When it was time for us to go back to bed, Pansy clearly tired as she leaned her head on my shoulder, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't want to go back there. Not to sit back in my pit again.
"I'm going to go for a walk." I said as the rest made their way to their rooms. They all gave me a worried glance.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Pansy offered but I shook my head.
"I want to be alone." Her face dropped. "Besides you're knackered, go to bed." I said and she let up a slight smile. I was thankful but I didn't need to be smothered. I wasn't going to do anything stupid, well I hoped not.

Leaving them I went to walk through the empty corridors, the hit of the vodka slowing my movement. Being a prefect allowed me to get away with too much. But I liked the space I needed the space. But a walk wouldn't be allowed to be un complicated. Out one of the windows I saw someone stood out in the rain, the smallest bit of light revealing them in the dark night. What was she doing? I weighed up the argument in my head on whether to go get her or leave her. Might heart and head saying completely different things. But the heart always wins. With Blair nothing was rational. As soon as I stepped out in the rain I was instantly soaked.
"What are you doing?" I shouted. "Are you insane? Come inside." I continued marching towards her but she didn't move. I stood a few steps away from her not wanting to get too close. "Blair? What are you doing?"
"Dance with me Draco." Her voice broke as she spoke. When she looked at me my body froze. I hadn't seen her in weeks, I didn't imagine it would hurt this much. "Dance with me Draco." She repeated.
"It's freezing, you're going to get ill." I argued. I still cared about her far too much.
"Please." She pleaded. "Can you just do me this one thing, please." I stumbled to easy. Grabbing her hand, my other hand taking her waist, we rocked to the sound of the rain. Her head resting onto my chest. It felt ridiculous. But I had missed her touch so much, I just needed this for a few more seconds. I didn't want to go back to before, I'd only just started to feel better.
"Do you remember when we first danced together? At the Yule ball." She said. Of course I remembered, how could I forget? I wanted to keep those memories forever. "I was kinda hoping this would feel like that." Silence. I had nothing to say. "But it doesn't." She looked up at me, those big emerald eyes. I dropped my hands, trying to stop myself from falling into her trance. "Kiss me, shut me up." She begged. I shook my head. I couldn't get dragged back into this.
"We need to go inside." I changed the subject. She looked down at the ground, clearly upset about my rejection. She stayed there un moving, I wouldn't wait with her. I couldn't, I had to leave.