Bad End of the World

Inch By Inch

Adora

Adora's heart hadn't stopped aching. A while ago she'd watched Catra leave, and decided to give her some space, despite how much she'd wanted to follow.

Instead, she'd locked the door and stayed behind, allowing herself time to gather her thoughts, time to make some kind of plan on what to do next. But every time she tried to think of a way forward, even if it was just one tiny step, she instead became lost in her recent memories.

Like she was doing right now.

She was sitting on their stolen pile of blankets, with her back against their special wall, her eyes closed while she stroked the tips of her trembling fingers across her lower lip. It was as though she could still taste Catra's lips, and feel her rough kisses.

Adora had gladly accepted that unbridled rage, all of it. She'd relished the chance at intimacy, despite Catra's words bringing her to tears, and she couldn't find it in herself to feel angry, or bitter, or even humiliated. Because she finally understood. She finally knew why Catra was lashing out like this, and to this extent.

All this time she'd been convinced that She Ra was to blame for everything. But that was only a part of a bigger problem, a problem she'd caused when she left in the middle of the night and turned her back on everything that she'd built with Catra. Their whole life they'd had each other, and only each other, and then Adora had thrown it away. And for what? Because the Horde was evil? She'd broken every promise she'd ever made, and now she knew that it wasn't enough that she'd tried over and over to convince Catra to join her. No, Adora's biggest mistake had been not fighting harder, not coming back sooner, not doing whatever it took to build that life they had always said they'd have together.

Of course back then it had been nothing but childhood fantasies, secrets whispered in the middle of the night, about how they'd one day run away together, or even take over this place and rule it, hand in hand. But those old, hushed secrets took on a whole new meaning now that Adora finally understood her own heart, and understood that Catra had felt this way all along.

But then, Adora had ruined it, and broken their trust. She couldn't begin to imagine how much pain she'd caused, because she'd only allowed herself the luxury of feeling this way for a few maddening weeks. Not months, and especially not years. And if her heart felt as though it were breaking apart from Catra's constant rejection, then what did Catra feel? What had she felt the night that Adora left her, walking away as though Catra meant nothing to her?

She had felt Catra's pain in those scathing touches against her flesh. Heard it in Catra's deep, pained voice, a voice that didn't sound like the Catra she knew at all. And then worst of all she'd seen it, in the moment that Catra had pulled her hand away and Adora had snapped her eyes open, only to find tears streaming down Catra's furious, scrunched up face.

I'm such an idiot, Adora thought, as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She ground her teeth together and banged the back of her head against the wall, choking out a frustrated sob. How could she not have known she'd broken her best friend's heart? How could she not have seen it?

As if that wasn't bad enough, Adora now had to accept that there was another time she'd hurt her. It was the night she'd admitted to Catra just how much she liked her, only to act like it didn't matter the very next day. Because rules are way more important, Adora thought, rolling her eyes at her oblivious sixteen year old self.

Catra had been furious, of course, and at the time Adora had never really understood why. But she understood now. All of that boiling rage, that incessant fury. It was the only way Catra knew to express her pain, pain that Adora had caused... and now it felt like it was happening all over again.