Star Wars Episode IX: Duel of the Fates

Chapter 16: You Have Become the Very Thing You Swore to Destroy

The island now held a special place in Kylo Ren's heart. For days he fell into a routine: he woke up, caught something to eat, explored more of the island, meditated, and then slept. His existence for the first time in his life was absolutely ordinary. He was not fighting this war, he was not fighting his inner turmoil; he was simply surviving. He still stayed away from the small village that was on the island. He was unsure how the locals would react to his arrival or if they even knew who he was. He was content keeping his presence here a mystery. They would be in danger if Rey ever found out he was here.

He thought of her every day. Guilt surrounded him when he thought back to who he turned her into. The light and spark she had, what drew him to her, was extinguished. It was replaced by a cool blue flame of hatred and control. He had blocked her from his mind successfully since he left. He could feel her trying to enter his mind, trying to speak like they once did through the Force, but he remained concealed. He didn't trust his own strength. He feared that if she asked him to return, he would. He didn't want to be the man he once was, he didn't want any of this. All he wanted was to be free of the pain he carried with him.

When Ren stepped out from his tent he was met with the cool ocean breeze. It was one of many overcast days since he was on the island, the haze of the sun just barely shining through the clouds. He stood and stretched his muscles, his body now covered only by his black pants and a long sleeved black shirt. He no longer desired to wear his cloak and cowl; not only was it not appropriate for the climate of the planet, but it was a constant reminder of what he was running from. He swept his hand through his dark waves of hair and rolled his shoulders as he looked to the peak of the mountain. It was the last place he had left to explore.

He knew there was a powerful source of Light energy up there. After he sensed the Darkness in the cave below the island, he knew there had to be balance somewhere. He didn't dare tempt himself with going down there. He did not want to know what the wall would show him after the stories Rey told him of her experiences. He was content with leaving that section of the island unexplored.

He had searched the island for clues of his visions in his dreams of a pool of water in a brightly lit cave looking at the horizon and so far he was unsuccessful. It could be on another planet, but this island was trying to tell him something and so far, he had learned nothing. The meeting with his father replayed in his head as he walked up the stone steps to the summit, armed with his saber at his side. Kylo Ren knew that it wasn't his father or his ghost, but just a memory of his own. Even still, he knew he was right; his father didn't hate him, he forgave him for all that he did. Maybe it was time for Kylo Ren to do the same.

Rain and wind whipped against his face as he trudged carefully up the steps. He was high above the ocean now, his ship looking miniscule from his perspective as he neared the summit of the rocky mountain. Chatter of porgs echoed off the face of the mountain as they flew above him into their nests, trying to escape the elements. Ren gritted his teeth together as the weather grew worse. The water was frigid against his skin, his cheeks turning a rosey pink from the temperature. But in a moment it was gone. He opened his eyes to find a break in the clouds as he reached the top of the mountain.

It was a small area that was flattened intentionally. In the center sat a cave entrance, a shallow pool of water in the center of the mountain top. He walked cautiously toward it as a feeling of familiarity washed over him. Looking passed the pool of water he noticed an outcrop of rock that overlooked the ocean and horizon. On a boulder on the outcrop, Ren could see a pile of fabric; he walked towards it curiously. He reached down to feel the scratchy tan material. It's so familiar, he thought to himself. He let his eyes fall shut as he inhaled and searched for a connection to the fabric. In front of his closed eyes, he saw himself and his uncle on Crait.