Star Wars Episode IX: Duel of the Fates

Chapter 18: You Are Going Down a Path That I Can't Follow

In and out. Breathe. Breathe.

The whir of the engine slowly died down until nothing but silence filled the cockpit. His breaths were coming in deep pants as he stared at his bare hands on the steering lever. If he stepped out of this vehicle there was no turning back. There was no more indecision. He would have to face his destiny-- he would have to face his mother. He lifted his eyes to look through the glass shield that surrounded him. As far as he could see was green. Trees touched the sky with their massive trunks taking root in the damp soil below. In between those trunks lied the Resistance. People for so long he considered an enemy and a nuisance but now he sought to help them.

"Wait!" He heard a hoarse voice strain to yell. "Don't shoot! Lower your weapons, please." The voice continued. Ben felt his heart thumping against his chest as he recognized the voice. She was here and she knew he was too. He hadn't seen her in years-- what would she think of him? Would she hate him? Fear him as she did as a child? Ben clenched his eyes shut as he ran a hand through his hair. He was so close to home, so close to starting the life he needed, but he still hesitated in the safety of his ship. He was comforted by the familiar First Order craftsmanship; it had been his home for many years. Stepping out into that world outside was foreign and unfamiliar. The Resistance was ready to kill him on sight and he didn't know if they would ever forgive him for the things he did-- he didn't know if they should.

He stood from his seat and lowered the exit hatch, a ladder hissing as it dropped to the earth below. There was a silence in the woods, not even the wind dared to interrupt this moment. Ben gave one last glance at his old life before he placed his boot on the ladder. With a metallic clang he descended onto the leaves below. He kept his back to his mother as he squeezed his eyes shut once again. He fought the trembling of his lips as guilt washed over him. But he knew he had to face her. When he turned around, he saw nothing but love in his mother's eyes. Tears leaked down her cheek as she smiled at her son. "Ben." She whispered. She did not move from her spot in fear of making him uncomfortable but Ben took slow steps over. "Mom." His voice was barely audible, his throat tight with emotion as he stood only inches from his mother.

Leia watched the guilt and shame in his eyes as he looked at her. She did not care about the things he did in this moment; all she cared about was that the day had finally come. Her son had finally returned home. She wrapped her arms around her son and held him tightly. "I missed you so much Ben." She whispered. Ben could not hold back the emotion anymore as he felt the warmth of his mother's arms surround him. "I am so sorry." He cried, causing her to shake her head. "You're here now. That's what matters. You're home."

He lost track of the amount of time they stood there. No other words were exchanged between them; there were no words to express what they were feeling. When Ben finally pulled away, Leia watched his bloodshot eyes let tears fall freely. The man before her looked so much like his father, but with her eyes. In those eyes she saw the pain and suffering he went through. He saw the weight of the guilt and torment he held on himself. She saw the light she always knew was buried beneath the anger and pain. The last time she saw him, he was a boy full of fear and uncertainty. But now he stood before her as a man with a sureness and power she could not fathom he would possess. Gently, she placed a hand on his cheek, her thumb brushing over his scar as her eyes memorized his features in case this was all a dream. He smiled gently at her as she dropped her hand. "Come, we have much to discuss." She said as she guided him to the Resistance camp.

-----

Finn could only stand to watch the scene for a moment. After all he has done to her and the Resistance and the galaxy he can just walk in and be welcomed with open arms? Finn released Poe's wrist and began to trudge back to the camp, Poe following close behind. After they were out of earshot, Poe gently grabbed his hand. "You okay?" He asked gently. Finn scoffed and shook his head. "Why would I be okay?" He snapped. Poe pulled him to a stop and walked to stand in front of him. "Don't shut me out again, Finn. Talk to me." He pleaded.