Give A Little More

Chapter 19

I woke up the next day with a killer headache and one sock on, "What the hell?" I mumbled, wondering where I was. I was certainly not on my bed. I opened my eyes fully and I had my white blankets all around me and a pillow under my head, but I wasn't in bed. I sat up slowly, realizing I was on the floor at the foot of our bed, "Shit..." I cursed, rubbing my head.

Naked.

"Fuck," I said, looking around. "What the hell happened..." I groaned. I covered myself up and laid back down. "Morning..." A voice came from the door way, "Shit." I said, turning to see Ross in shorts with no shirt on. His eyes we groggy, but he looked serious, "I think we need to talk about last night.." "Maybe," I said, sitting up again. I went to stand, only realizing yet again I had no clothes on. "Um, Let me get dressed and I'll come into the living room." I said. He nodded and walked away, leaving me to stumble up and put clothes on. "I had this weird dream that Riker came home..." I said, walking int othe kitchen to fix tea. "Oh?" He said, looking up at me. "Yeah," I shook my head, "It felt so real..." I said, remembering what happened next, "But it couldn't be real, because he's not here, and somehow I ended up on the floor. "Because you couldn't get on the bed." He said, taking a sip of his coffee, that's one of the two things I remember." He whispered. "Oh," I said... "What else do you remember?"

"That," he said, pointing to the TV and the empty shot glasses, then he quickly said "And waking up next to you." Squeezing his eyes shut. "WHAT!" My eyes widened, turning around to see his face. "You slept on the floor next to me?!" I shouted. "Apperently!" He yelled back to me. "Did we have sex!?" I screamed, putting my hands on my head, "I don't know," He sighed. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," I said, "I need to sit." I sat down, "Oh my god, I ch- I cheated, I, Oh my god," I cried, "Your brother, I, Oh my god, I cheated on your brother," "I DON'T EVEN KNOW FOR SURE HARPER CALM DOWN! " He screamed at me, hurting my head, "I am so so sorry, Harper, I didn't mean to yell, but I had no clue how this happened but I saw the game and the everything and you next to me, and how could I have possibly let this happened with my brother's girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah!" I screamed, "But it's not all your fault, I had a part in this, and we have to own up to it if it happened, and, oh man," I said, looking at him, "I have to tell Riker, and he, uh, he comes home... TODAY!" I screamed, jumping up to check my phone, "Ross, his flight leaves in twenty minutes and he'll be home in 6 hours, we're supposed to have dinner with my dad and my step-mom tonight..." "Well, then we have to be normal... We don't even know for sure, do you um, do you feel like you've had sex?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes, "How do you feel after you have sex, I've had a lot of sex, I don't remember anymore!" I shook my head and buried it in my hands. "We can tell him together, like tonight after you get back." He suggested. "But we don't even know for sure," I sighed. "I can't believe I was this stupid." I said. Ross put his arm around me, "We don't know for sure... It's gonna be okay... I promise." "No, but it happened once and now it happened again, I'm sorry I just can't. I can't believe myself."

"I'll make some breakfast," He said, walking into the kitchen, "Also, our guards dropped off Christmas Decorations, maybe we could set up our first Christmas and have it ready for Riker." "I think that's a smart idea..." I said to him, unpacking more boxes, "Maybe it'll take our minds off of it."

Ross and I sat in awkward silence while we decorated for the holidays, before finally we put on music to thin the air. There was so much tension, and so many things to be said, but neither of us said them, so we decorated, cleaned, and showered in silence. "Harper..." He whispered to me while he put up our fake tree. "Yeah..." I sighed, finally realizing I actually had to tell Riker what happened. "I'm sorry... It was my idea to drink like that, and then," "No," I said, "Please don't apologize, it's okay... It was both of our faults, but we can't blame what's in the past... We just have to look towards the future." I said shakily, hearing a car pull up in the drive way.

*

*

*

I engulfed Riker in hundreds of hugs while we got ready for my dad's. His trip was uneventful, my week was also uneventful. I told him about inviting Wendy and the kids over, effectively skipping over the drunken mistake until Ross was with me. "We can grab some coffee before we go see your dad if you'd like?" Riker asked me, taking my hand as we rode in the back seat of our car. "I'm like too nervous for caffeine," I laughed, looking out the window, "I kinda just wanna get the first visit over with so everything can be normal again." "I understand." He nodded. I straightened my blue dress and heels, looking over Riker's adorable button down. "You look beautiful, don't sweat it." He said to me, kissing my cheek. I smiled at him and glazed my eyes over the engagement ring. "It haunts me," I laughed, "Can we just not this time?" I asked him, taking the ring off. "Why?" He asked.

"What if my parent's and yours get together and then they talk about it?" He asked me. "I don't know, but I don't wanna lie to my Dad." I shook my head, "When we get engaged, he can know for real." "We're getting engaged?" He smiled. "I don't know, we hadn't talked about it much, but you seem to want marriage and children one day don't you?" I asked him, trailing my fingers on his hand. "I do," He blushed, "But I didn't know if you did for sure..." "I'd be willing to talk about marriage."

"What about kids?" He asked me. "I don't know, I don't wanna turn out like my mom," I looked down, "I could never forgive myself." "But you are not your mother in any way Harper," He smiled, kissing the side of my head. "I just don't know," I said, "I'm sorry, this is just a lot to deal with," "Why?" He said, "You brought it up?" "Well yeah, but I mean I feel like I just said I loved you and now this is all so much." I slipped. "What?" He shook his head.

"I'm confused," He said. "Um," I replied, "I just," I stuttered. "Riker, I can't lie to you." I shook my head, "I love you too much now to lie anymore." I had to tell him.

I had to tell him how stupid I was.

I had to tell him I thought I slept with Ross while he was away.

I had to tell him everything.

"Do you not love me?" He asked me, wrenching me from my thoughts. "No, no, no, honey," I shook my head furiously, "I love you very much," I said, reaching out for him. "I just," I paused, 'Harper stop talking, stop talking, stop talking' But I didn't stop talking like I told myself to. "I was having some trouble with my emotions, especially when we were getting here and a bit before," I shook. "And?" He asked me. "I didn't- I wasn't- I, um," 'STOP TALKING, STOP TALKING, STOP TALKING.' "I wasn't 100% sure I loved you... I knew you were my best friend and I knew we were close, but it's hard for me to say I loved you and so I just did and I don't think I meant it and everything got all messed up, but I'm sorry," I gripped his hands, "I love you now Riker, right now in this moment I love you, and that's what matters, not what I did in the past and not what stupid decisions I made." I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes.

"What happened while I was gone?" He asked suddenly. Almost as if he expected it. "I, um, I, I," I shuddered and started to cry. "Harper, what did you do?" He asked me, seriously concerned. "I," I whispered, crying. I blinked and tears fell to the ground, "I might have slept with Ross," I whispered. I got no response. "But we don't know for sure..." I whispered, I got nothing in the form of an answer. All I got was a hand placed into mine, and a wipe of a tear off of my stained face. I knew I should have stopped talking.

"Mr. Lynch, we're here," The guard said, "I'll be around the corner if you need me." "Thank you Joseph," He whispered, getting out of the car. Riker came over to my side and opened the door, helping me out of the car. He hugged me and looked at my face, wiping under my eyes, "You still look beautiful." He said. His hand found mine and we walked up the long walk way to the large mansion, and he whispered, "For now, that didn't just happen, and we will not discuss it until we get home." And then he rang the door bell.