Setta Segretta #1: Unraveling The Dawn

Kabanata 19

Kiss

“Eat…” he demanded me to do as I only sat on my bed, facing the window for two straight hours.

I was thinking of what have I had done. I was thinking of what had happened that I did what I did. I was thinking of whether I can be forgiven or not.

I was so wrong. Dos has a betrothed. She’s quin. The woman might not be the goodest one but…she owns him. And what I did would only taint their relationship.

Sasapat ba ang dahilan kong nais ko lamang makatakas mula sa mga masasakit na alaalang kapag tuluyang nagbalik ay wawasakin ako ng husto? Sasapat ba iyon? Pakikinggan ba iyon?

“Mercedes, hindi ka pa kumakain,” mababakas ang iritasyon sa boses niya.

Nanginig ang aking mga labi. I couldn’t face him. For I feel like I’m facing my sin and it would drag me to where hell is. Ganoon ako katakot dahil sa aking nagawa.

I heard his sighs. Naramdaman ko rin ang paglundoy ng kama at ang kaniyang kamay na humawak sa aking siko.

“Kumain ka na. Ang baby mo ang mahihirapan kung magiging ganito ka,” aniya sa mas malumanay na paraan.

Noon ko lamang siya pinaglakasan ng loob na harapin. Alam kong sobrang basa na ang aking mukha dahil sa pagluha.

Umangat doon ang kaniyang mga kamay, pinunasan ang aking pisngi na lalong nagpaemosyonal sa akin.

“I’m… s-sorry…” sumisigok kong sambit. “N-nariyan kasi… Dos… Iyong… iyong p-panaginip ko.”

Kita ko sa kaniyang mukha na ayaw niyang makita ang pag-iyak ko sa kaniyang harapan. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko roon.

“S-sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo…”

“Shh…” bulong niya. “Stop crying. Sobra na ang pag-iyak mo. Makasasama sa baby.”

Ngunit hindi ko mapigilan ang bugso ng damdamin. Sinikap kong ayusin ang sarili.

“Tapatin mo ako,” sambit ko. “Si E-eros ba ang ama ng anak ko?”

Kahit anong subok ko, bumibigay pa rin ang aking boses sa pagkabasag. He licked his lower lip, he gave me a deep breath.

“I-iyong totoo,” sambit ko nang maramdaman na tila nag-aalinlangan siya.

Pinagmasdan ko si Dos. Halata rito na wala pa itong tulog at ako ang may kasalanan noon. Quin got mad at him. She went to us in the infirmary, admitting she saw us in the cameras and she lashed out on Dos and not me. She was crying and blaming him when…I’m the one at fault. Ngayon lamang ako nadalaw ni Dos. Siguro ay dahil wala si Quin dito kaya nagkaroon ng oras. Nauunawaan ko kung hindi ko siya makikita, hindi ko siya makakausap pa kahit na ang nais ko ay pormal na humingi ng kapatawaran at magtanong.

And now that he’s here in front of me, I will do what I always wanted to do. To ask for forgiveness and to ask him that question. Kung si Eros ba ang tunay na ama ng dinadala ko.

Something is wrong with my memory. I know…something is missing. Something is trying to get me back by remembering it but myself was too scared for it.

Dos caressed my swollen cheeks and looked at my heavy eyes. A simple smile made it to his lips and as soon as the pain from that smile registered to me, he shook his head in a slow manner, like he was afraid that that action would cause me harm.

“He’s not,” he spoke with faint sadness.

Mas mainit at mas mahapdi ang mga luhang gumuguhit ngayon pababa sa aking pisngi.