bruises || stylinson

0.9

Louis

I got a bit over one week to be a "regular" kid. One week and my father already wants me to go back to The Pit. It was a nice week while it lasted, but I just hoped that I would get a bit more time.

I hate going there because I'm a joke. Literally they call me The Joker because they only put me in the situations as entertainment for them. It isn't the villain from the cartoon like I wish it was. They just bring me underground to fight.

My father runs a fighting ring literally underneath a restaurant of some sort. He uses it as a form of punishment for me being gay. He sends me into the ring to fight whoever is there with the intention of me losing.

See, normally you would bet on who's going to win, but that's not how it works with me. I'm basically a zoo animal and the men pay my father to put me up against men that are twice my size. They're so homophobic that they believe that it may actually beat the gay out of me.

They don't realize that it isn't a disease. Some of them, such as Marcos, are actual doctors and I think that they believe that it is. I may not have gone to doctor school, but I know that they definitely don't teach that there.

Needless to say, The Pit sucks for me. I have some fighting skills that never seem to be enough. I'm better at dodging the punches rather than actually throwing them.

I've never won a fight there no matter how hard I try. The only fights that I have ever won were at school, hence why I felt so good going into the second one. I had stamina and confidence that I never have going into The Pit.

I think my father wants me in tonight for all of the idiots that come on Friday nights to fight. Normally they're pretty bad and they only make me look like more of a klutz. I've come close to beating them a few times but always fall short in the end.

The worst thing about it is I'm put in three or four back to back fights and I end up passed out by the end of the night. Apparently, it's funny to watch me progressively get weaker and then try to fight. Personally, I don't see the appeal, but I'll just let them live their lives.

I like to take a piss out of all of the guys that show up. Most of the time they're prissy little rich boys that were brought in by their fathers. Sometimes I tell them that they're trust fund is the only thing big about them just to see the reaction I can get. It's mainly a punch as a reaction, but that's okay.

I can take a punch, even throw a good one if I try hard enough. They honestly get the least amount of a reaction out of me because they're just trying to protect their fragile masculinity in front of their buddies.

Honestly, I don't care how tonight goes because everything's all better with Harry. I'm on a cloud because I didn't fuck things up with him by running away again. I was even able to fix it without being an ass.

Earlier this week I talked to him and hinted at the fact that I'm scared of anything more with him. I made sure that he knew that it was all issues with me and that he didn't do anything wrong. Now, I didn't come out and say that I'm bi, although I wish that I had.

There's so much of a stigma for me around coming out and I play right into it. As much as I want it to be accepted as normal I live in an environment where it isn't. I know that if I wasn't exposed to that I would be perfectly fine with everyone knowing about me.

I just really want to be able to be that open with Harry. I think that he got the idea that I'm slightly damaged goods and that he shouldn't look for anything more.

I really hate thinking of myself like that. Yeah shit goes on and I just deal with it, there's nothing more to it. That's the part that's hard to explain to people without getting into too much detail. I hope that Harry got the right message and doesn't start treating my like I'll break at any second.