The Last Five Years ✔~ trixya

See I'm Smiling

1 month ago

"I guess I can't believe you really came, and that we're both actually sitting on this pier." Trixie said, a smile spreading on her lips as the pair gazed out at the calm waters of the lake. 

"See, I'm smiling... I'm just so happy that you're here." She added in a sigh of relief.

They'd been struggeling, for a good while now. Trixie knew there was no point in denying that. Katya never took the time to see her anymore, never got excited to see her anymore, but here she was. Finally. 

"I stole this sweater from the costume shop, it kinda makes me look like Daisy Mae from Li'l Abner, don't you think?" The brown eyed girl joked as she gestured to her pink shirt which had ridiculously large, red polka dots on it. Katya laughed her signature wheezy laugh at that, the sound warming Trixie's heart more than words ever could. 

"See, we're laughing... I think we're gonna be okay." The doll said with tears of relief pressing to spill from her eyes. However a comforting hand on her shoulder and a soft smile was all the response she got from the other woman, but the brown eyed girl payed that no mind. 

"I mean, of course, we'll have to try a little harder, compromise more, so we can make this love as special as it was five years ago. But, I mean, you made it to Ohio, so who knows where else we can go from here, right?" Trixie said, but fear finding her once she saw the slight hesitation in the other woman's eyes.

She quickly changed her strategy. Changed the subject to something easier, something they could joke about without trouble.

"I think you're really gonna like the show. I'm like pretty sure it doesn't completely suck this time." The brown eyed girl joked, a laugh escaping Katya once more as she dropped her head so it almost layed in the crook of the other girl's neck, making the poor doll relax.

"See, you're laughing and I'm smiling... We're doing fine." Trixie whispered, almost trying to convince herself more than the red lipped woman. 

Katya lifted her head and stood up, pulling the other girl with her, the pair strolling back towards the theatre houses hand in hand. 

"I think we both can see what could be better, I'll own when I was wrong. But with all we've had to go through, I think we'll end up twice as strong. And so we'll start again this weekend, and just try our best to keep going." Trixie said softly, trying to admit to her own mistakes to ease the gap that had been growing between them. Katya had come to see her, the least she could do was meet her halfway. But as she said her last sentence, the blue eyed girl's hand was pulled out of her own.

"Baby, I can't stay this weekend, I'm so sorry. I have this like stupid Penguin Random House -thing, and I couldn't get out of it." Katya explained, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

Trixie felt her heart sink, but she willed herself not to get annoyed or angry.

"I didn't know you had to go so soon." She said sadly.

"I know, I'm so sorry, sweetheart." The other woman replied regretfully.

"I thought we had a little time..." Trixie said as she tried not to cry.

"I know, baby, I know." 

"Look, whatever, if you have to, and you have to, so whatever... It's allright." The brown eyed girl promised, realising that patience was what she needed to have now. It was a shorter visit then expected, but they still had some time. She stepped closer to Katya with an understanding smile, the other girl kissing her knuckles softly.

"At least we'll have tonight." Trixie added as she was about to wrap her arms around her wife. However her arms fell to her side once she saw Katya's expression, the look of guilt and panic filling the girl's ocean blue eyes.

"Yeah, see the thing is... I tried to get a plane ticket for tomorrow, but the only flights available were for tonight... You know, I can come back on Monday if you want but.." Katya babbled nervously as anger and dissappointment clouded Trixie's eyes.

"You know what makes me crazy? I'm sorry, but I can say this? You know what makes me nuts? The fact that we could be together, we could be together here and actually spend time together for once. But you are gonna choose someone else to be with.." Trixie said in disbelief at the fact that her wife was leaving so soon after arriving.

"No listen, baby, that's not what I'm doing..." Katya started, but Trixie cut her off.

"No, you are!" 

"I'm not choosing someone else to be with." Katya finished in an annoyed tone.

"Yes Katya, that's exactly what you're doing! You could be here with me or be there with them. But as usual, guess which you pick?" The brown eyed girl said bitterly. 

"Trix, I have to go!" The blue eyed girl yelled.

"No Katya, you do not have to go to another party with the same twenty jerks you already know! You could stay with your wife on her fucking birthday!" Trixie yelled, the anger boiling uncontrollably.

"Okay, calm down. Allright?" Katya said as she looked around, clearly embarrassed that someone might see the famous author argue with her "failure of a broadway actress" - wife. 

"No, you know what? You could! And you could, God forbid, even see my show for once! Oh, but I know. I know it must drive you crazy that you won't get to spend more time with your little girlfriends!" Trixie said as the other woman stepped closer to try to hold her still, but the doll simply pushed the blue eyed girl's arms away.

"You're being crazy!"

"No, I'm not! 'Cause you know what, Katya? You can't spend a fucking day that's not about you! It's always you, and you, and nothing but you, fucking miles and piles of you. Oh, isn't she wonderful? The genius 28 year old? The Savior of Writing! The fucking Messia of Litterature! You're pushing through windows on route to the sky, and I..." Trixie yelled until she ran out of breath. The word I hanging heavily in the air.

Who was she?
To the world she was nothing more than Katya's entourage...
She had worked so hard to build herself a career and yet no one would ever pay attention to her if it wasn't about Katya. 

Katya had been the only stable part of her life.
Her only rock.
But now their love was slipping through her fingers. 
The girl who had given Trixie her unshared attention was now jumping into the beds of others.
The proof of it to clear to miss.
The pain of it unimaginable. 

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought about how miserable her life had become, the life that was meant to become so perfect. She looked up at Katya, wishing to see any sign of care or worry, but there was nothing.

"I swear to God, I'll never understand how you can stand there straight faced and see I'm crying, and not do anything at all." Trixie whispered before walking away.