paraphilia / a.i

rosie

Ashton took my hand and help onto it slightly, his thumb rubbing little circles on my knuckles as we walked out of the main hall.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I giggled, making a small smile lift his lips. He turned his face, barely showing his cheek and shook his head. We walked quietly, the only sound echoing was the sound of our feet hitting the ground. We passed the empty front desk with ease and he stopped abruptly, making me slam into his back, hitting my jaw on his shoulder.

"Jesus, give me a warning next time." I laughed, bringing my hand up to my jaw and pretending to be in pain. His face fell, grabbing my jaw quickly, the shock quickly hitting me. His eyes looked up to mine and he licked his lips and for a split second I felt compelled to smash my lips against his. Before I had the chance, he dropped his hand from my jaw and it fell to his side as he spun around facing the doors. He reached back for my hand and latched onto it, pulling me to the door. My head flew in all types of different directions knowing that this was a bad idea. But a part of me didn't care.

I let him pull me out the door, the cool air hitting my face and falling into my lungs, giving me sort of a moment of regret. I choked as the air made its way down into my chest as I dropped Ashton's hand and wrapped both my arms around myself.

"This is a bad idea, Ashton." I said, watching my breath leave a trail of white smoke in the air before quickly fading away.

"Not necessarily." He laughed, walking over to a gate. He unlocked the hatch and waited a second before turning back to me and ushering me to follow. My thoughts fought each other for what felt like forever until my foot left the ground and I knew I had to keep going. I sighed as I walked closer to him, passing through the gate. His hand landed on my spine, startling me, as he shut the gate behind him. My eyes widened at his gesture and I felt my heart rate start to speed up. Jesus Christ, Rosie, just calm down. He guided me over to a bench as we passed through the garden I remember seeing when I first got here. It looked so gloomy before, but now, all I could do was smile at the color palette. Green, everywhere. It wasn't a puke green, it was one of those soft greens, one of those comforting greens that I guess some people would want to line the walls of their living room.

I glanced around taking in the little space I had before taken as gloomy and disgusting, before I looked back to Ashton to see him staring at me. I couldn't fight the heat coming to my face as I pushed a piece of hair behind my ear and crossed my legs over each other.

"You do that a lot."

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows, clearly off guard.

"You push your hair behind your ear a lot. You do a lot of things a lot." He stuttered. I smiled at his nervousness and put a hand ontop of his lying on the top of the bench. I could feel him freeze and for some reason I froze too and took my hand off his and tucked it under my leg. I bit the inside of my cheek as we both sat in silence, the only the noise being the soft thump of my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

"Ashton, why'd you bring me out here?" I whispered, my voice raspy.

"I'm not really sure actually." He stood up and started pacing in front of me. I stood up quickly and he turned, bumping into my shoulder making him stop in his tracks as my hand rose to his chest. My heart started to beat harder and louder after I made that move and I could tell Ashton's did too. I could feel his heart beat through the thin layer of his cotton t shirt and on my nimble fingertips. It felt too cliché, like something I'd read in a novel or something in the notebook. My eyes were glued to my hand on Ashton's chest, not daring to look up at him. I felt his hands on my hips and I felt like any second I was going to collapse.

I had never felt like this before.

Sure, I've had boyfriends, but they were my boyfriends. Ashton wasn't even my boyfriend. I don't even think he put me in his "friend" category. After a few more moments of silence I felt a hand come up under my jaw and his finger lifted my face up to meet his. His eyes flicked to my lips and back up to my eyes quickly. I didn't understand why I felt the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Just kiss me, if you're going to kiss me." I stammered out before his hands reached up and cupped my face and pulled his lips to mine. I felt myself slowly unravel in his grasp, my knees felt weak as our lips stayed pressed together. After awhile, a voice startled us both as our lips left each other's company and stood startled for a split second. We started to laugh as we ran to the doors, but a part of me knew that once we got there it wouldn't be a laughing matter. I knew that this was going to be a disaster, but yet I couldn't help myself from wanting to be destroyed.