Beyond This World / Moon Gang-tae & Ko Mun-yeong (On-going)

Chapter 17: The Darkest Place (MGT)

• Moon Gang-tae's POV

This is the only time I'm appreciating my long walk from the main road to the mansion.

I want some time to clear my mind from so many things.

This morning...or midnight...I'm not sure anymore what time of day was it--a very unusual thing happened. For the first time, I stopped holding back.

I unboxed my emotions, my inhibitions, freed the passion I've been harboring in my soul's crevices.

It made me...happy. Extremely happy.

And then...I held back myself again.

You know that exhilarating feeling when you're speeding on a highway while the windows are rolled down, and you wouldn't ever want to find a reason to stop or slow down?

But at the back of your mind, you know somehow that you would eventually need to hit on the brakes for whatever reason--someone crossing, another vehicle making a counterflow, a traffic jam that's waiting for you.

That's how it felt earlier.

I wouldn't want that magical moment to end. Ever.

That moment was perfect...too perfect for me that I couldn't believe it myself.

I'm not used to being fed with so much beauty and perfection. I never got used to it because I have never experienced it before.

She was my first kiss.

I'm alone right now, kicking on the rocks as I hike my way up but I'm blushing at such thought. My lips have been claimed by the sexy lips of Mun-yeong.

Somehow, I want to punish myself because of what I told her.

Why did I have to interfere with such incredible, heartstopping moment?

And worse, why did I allow myself to hurt her with my words?

"Because I want to think things over. I don't want to take advantage of you just because our bodies steered us towards that direction. Maybe this is just all physical attraction? I don't know. I want to sort things out before I go further."

Gang-tae, come on. Who says such nonsense? Pabo! That's really stupid of you to say it. Tsk.

Now I'm just a few steps away from the house.

My heart is hammering in my chest. It feels like it wants to jump out of my body and run to the forest.

I hold my backpack strap tighter in my left hand as I slowly close the gap between me and the porch.

I am not expecting anything...or anyone to welcome me.

Fine...I...I...wish...I mean, uhm...I hope...someone's waiting for me to return after a long day's work.

I'm hoping Sang-tae's there to welcome me.

Ugh.

Who are you kidding? Gang-tae, stop lying to Gang-tae!

I lift my shaky hand and steady it on the door knob. I've held this intricate piece of metal many times already but this is the first time I'm covering it with sweaty hands.

I lick my dry lips and take a deep breath as I open the door.

5...4...3...2...1.

I know her deep voice will echo on the whole living room any moment from now.

She will reprimand me for arriving home late.

I'm giving her time to get mad.

I plop myself on the sofa and cross my feet on the wooden center table.

I close my eyes and...pretend to be so tired.

Well I am tired but a little exaggeration wouldn't hurt, right?

Silence.

I clear my throat and utter some nonsense. "What a long day at work. Feels good to be home finally."

Eerie, deafening silence.

I hear the ticking of the clock.

I hear Sang-tae watching TV in the room and repeating the lines of the characters,
word for word.

I hear the crickets outside.

It's not totally silent here but without that achingly familiar deep and sexy voice scolding me, getting irritated at me, the house feels so...empty.

I change my sitting position.

I stand up and sit down again.

I go to the stairs and sit next to the spot where she usually sits.

I know she's there, glaring at me. I chuckle at such thought. Okay, I'll give her more time before she speaks to me.

One minute tops.

Sixty seconds after, there was none.

I stand up and put my hands on my waist.

I'm getting pissed off.

I look around calmly. Act calmly, Gang-tae. You're 'tired' remember?

The mirror.

I walk to it hesitantly.

I swallow with every step that I make.

I look stupid walking towards it with my head bowed down.

What are you scared of, huh?

I'm afraid that...I won't find her there when I raise my head up.

I lift my eyes to the mirror and I only see myself staring back at me...and no one else.

Isn't it so ironic that the very thing that scared me before is now something I so very much yearn for?

What's happening to me?

I stare at it for a few more seconds.

I'm pretty sure I'll feel a pair of arms encircle my waist in a bit.

I cross my arms on my chest. I'm deliberately giving her access.

I try to hide my smile by pursing my lips.

You're crazy, Gang-tae.

And there was nothing.

Fine.

"Ko Mun-yeong?" I call her like a father about to reprimand a daughter.

Silence.

"I don't like this game."

Nothing.

"Where are you? Answer me."

Thirty minutes of calling her until I get really exhausted.

The whole night, I functioned like a zombie. I cooked, washed, took care of Sang-tae, went to bed--all without feeling anything.

Is this how it feels like when you miss someone who's not your omma?

I've tapped into a different facet of sadness.

This is deeper...

...and emptier.

I move an inch to my left. And then a little more. And a little more, until I'm nearly falling on the other side of the bed.

I run my hand on the empty space and whisper to her what my heart is saying. I can't hold it anymore.

"I miss you, Ko Mun-yeong...so much."

I close my eyes and wish that this is all just a dream.

Then I heard a voice...

A/N: My dear readers, you are all awesome. Thank you for your precious time which I don't deserve. :)