my anxiety

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de pemmaria

de pemmaria

my anxiety overwhelmes me.
what if I fall?
I won't die.
the ground is too close to my feet
but my head is on the 4th floor
of the building,
resting on the open window
watching nowhere.
what if I let my body drowning
in this thing that surrounds me
but I can't see?
i don't trust my instincts. they fool me.
I'm too young to trust life,
but I'm too old to live it.
so I fall. and I touch the hard pavement
with such ease, like I'm a leaf
who left the comfy tree
in search of
me.
that "me" that my parents used to love
when I was a child
because back then I had no idea what everything was,
so happiness seemed like a dessert:
easy to obtain and delicious.
I hate the color red.
red blood flows from my broken heart
like it isn't supposed to be there
to keep her alive.
but I'm dead.
I died as soon as I touched you,
as I laid my body on your body,
my lips on your lips,
my eyes on the sky.
the question "what if I fall?" has now an answer:
I can't fall.

Emma