From Maddy to Zachary

Feeling...

slightly better about life right now. Thanks to ImmortalDragon Im happier than I was. Im still depressed though. It's like I can't do anything right. My sister makes fun of me for being myself, my mom mocks me, kids don't fucking understand. ugh. At least this semester is almost over. That's really the only good thing, cause my grades are through the floor. And then there's going to tech apps instead of gym. That's going to be amazing. No more standing in the showers to change or standing awkwardly in the center of the line when he says girl on one side boys on the other. No more walking out into a room full of girls that half I find attractive and half make fun of me daily. Seriously life just pisses me off.

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Wednesday

Okay so I'm better now. Not crushing as hard as I was... I'm crushing harder. Seriously why can't she understand it? I'm a guy, I'll always be a guy. I don't see why this is so hard to understand. Its not that I don't like spending time with my boyfriend (currently 2 months), but he doesn't accept me for me. He thinks it's weird that I feel this way, that I can't just be a girl.. but then again there are details that happen when we're alone that lead me to think that if we only do that then he's really actually okay with it..... okay yeah wow shouldn't have said that but whatever. This is why I wish I didn't go to a judgmental country school. The girls maybe would be more accepting in a different school. But how would I know?

***************************Thursday.

So um big day for me. I have exams today and tomorrow. Kind of stressful. Okay, really stressful. Sorta scared that I won't even pass freshman year. Everything I do seems to not be good enough; I do my homework, they don't grade it. I study for a test, that information isn't on it. The most I've done with any of my stories is edit this one. Maybe I've just lost my creative streak. Any ideas to help me get it back?

X Zachary X