//countryhuman stories\\

DenEst (goddess au) 10

Estonia faced the wall when she was in the bed.

Her back was turned to Den, her dress on, blanket covering her shoulder as she lied there in thought.

Did she really love him?

She sighed quietly through her nose, eyes half-lidded. He didn't love her, that was certain. Maybe he was just caring for her because he was scared she would curse him.

Den could only handle staring at the ceiling for ten minutes before he turned his head to look at Esti. She wasn't facing him. Did he really upset her that much by sleeping with someone? Why did she think she had to be intimate with him? After all, he was some degenerate fuckboy according to his brothers.

Esti had lied there for a couple more moments, shifting a bit.

"Was it nice?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Hm? What?" Den returned his gaze to the ceiling.

"Did it feel nice." Her voice was quiet. "When you fucked her."

He bit the inside of his cheek. Maybe he should just be honest. "Yeah. Sort of. I couldn't stop thinking of you though, I was worried."

She stayed silent for a few minutes. "Why?"

"I... I kept thinking that maybe something bad happened to you." He laced his hands over his chest, sighing. "I dunno. I didn't... the girl wasn't great either. No offense to her, she's a lovely gal, but it just wasn't good this time I guess..." She didn't sound like Esti, maybe that was part of the problem.

Esti felt a thin layer of water gloss her eyes. Not enough to cry, but just enough to make her conscious about her... jealousy.

"So you do it often?" She concluded, voice still soft.

He was quiet for a while. "Not recently. I was trying to... get back into it." He mumbled the last part, feeling weird that he said it aloud.

She shifted a little, a strand of hair falling onto her face as she stared at the wall.

"You'd fuck any girl, then?"

"I... what do you mean by that?" He turned his head to look at her again, even though she wasn't facing him. "I mean... I guess I'd have to find them physically attractive first..."

Well, it was good to know she already didn't fit the standard.

She continued to stare blankly at the wall, her chest rising and falling slowly.

"Well, I hope you find a girl then." she mumbled. "I hope it goes well next time. I'll stay at Norway's while you do."

"I'm not going to be looking for a girl." He rolled over so his back was facing hers. "Don't see how it would affect you anyways."

"I think you need to understand you're the first person I've ever been intimate with." Her voice was still soft. "I've never been carried. I've never had my hand held. I've never been held. I've never trusted anyone nearly as much as I trusted you." she shifted further away from him on the bed. "You were the first person that ever really cared for me. So it does affect me and I do care because I'm jealous. I feel hurt when I shouldn't. That's why. But I want you to be happy. So you should look for a girl to please you. I'm sure it'll be better this time around."

Den's voice softened. "I know. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken so many of your 'firsts' away. But I do care about you, still."

"There's no point apologising." Esti mumbled. "I just want you to be happy. The 'firsts' don't matter. I was ignorant to think you'd want me just because I hadn't seen anyone as kind as you in centuries."

Den went quiet again. He didn't know how to say that he did want her, but he still liked fucking other girls. He just wanted Esti to be his main hoe. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed that he would be able to give up his side chicks just to make sure she didn't hate him forever. "If you want me to be happy, then you'll stay."

"I can't curse you, if that's what you're worried about." Her back was still turned to his. "You don't have to pretend you like me because you pity me. Tell me what you really want."

"I want you to stay. I mean it." Den's voice was just above a murmur. "But if you don't want to, then that's fine. I can't make you do anything. Do whatever makes you happy."

"I want to stay here as well. I want you so badly." She stared fixedly at the wall. "But I know you don't want me. I don't want to be hurt either."

Sitting up, Den looked at her. "Why do you always assume that? How do you know I don't want you? Is it because I was with another girl? That doesn't make me want you any less."

Esti curled up slightly.

"If you're going to another person then I must not be good enough." She reasoned.

"...That's not true." He slowly laid back down. "I didn't take you in just to sleep with you. So I'm not going to." Otherwise he really was a fucking degenerate.

After a few moments of silence, Esti turned around and hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck and closing her eyes.

"Just sleep." She spoke tiredly, a few strands of hair falling onto her face.

Den opened his mouth, but then thought better of it and closed it again, instead looking at her and brushing the hair out of her face. "Alright."

Esti rested her cheek against his shoulder, curling up into him as she curled up to his warmth.

When she noticed the hickey on his neck after cracking her eyes open, she felt a bitterness in her tongue, which soon turned into a bad feeling in her stomach.

She decided to ignore it, but her grip on him definitely loosened, a little hurt by the sight. Right. He wasn't hers. They shouldn't be intimate.

"...Don't make me breakfast tomorrow morning."