//countryhuman stories\\

DenEst (vball au) 5

Esti sat down on Den's couch, rubbing her arms and looking at Den, reaching her arms out.

"Give me your hoodie." She mumbled, tired, her hands still bruised. "I'm cold."

He frowned, already taking it off. "And here I thought you were going to want to cuddle. You know, I know a great way to make you warm--"

The sound of newspaper whacking him in the back of the head came from the rolled up newspaper Pip had been wielding, an exhausted, done look on his face as he sipped his coffee.

"Don't." He mumbled as he walked towards the kitchen, Esti laughing quietly.

"Hey!!" Den whined, rubbing the back of his head as he passed his hoodie into Esti's hands. "Who made you the horny police?? I wasn't even gonna say anything horny anyways..."

Pip gave Den an 'oh really?' look, his eyebags dark from working his 13 shifts and covering for his coworkers, also working overtime to get more money. The poor guy couldn't seem to find anything other than part-time minimum wage jobs to work. "I financially provide for our household, dude."

Den huffed, crossing his arms over his chest in an overly childish way. "I do too! I pay part of the rent AND I buy my own chicken nuggets and protein power."

Pip just stared at him like a lifeless corpse, unamused.

Esti couldn't suppress her giggling, punching Den's shoulder (gently) and pulling on the warm hoodie. "I think Pip's your dad, Den. You should listen to him."

Sighing, Den shook his head. "Pip, if you even ate half as much protein as I do, you wouldn't be so tired all the time."

Pip placed bread on the counter, pulling out a slice of cheese from the fridge.

"If I ate a quarter of your servings I'd die."

"That just means you're not strong enough."

Esti couldn't help but smile as she rested her chin on the head of the couch like a crouching cat, ready to pounce. She was entertained by their bickering.

"Don't make me come over and hit you again."

"Ooh, don't spank me daddy Pip, I'm scared. Maybe I should ask Hong Kong if she wanted to spank you, bet you'd be into that."

Pip slapped the cheese down, his face red. "Quit it! I'm the one that has to listen to your sexual escapades, you know. I almost considered moving back in with Mal and Indo."

Esti shuffled closer to Den and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him against her into a cuddle-hug kind of thing. "Hey, don't be mean to Pip. I feel bad for him. Don't be horny."

"Yeah, you feel bad for him because he doesn't have a girllllfrienddddd." Den looped his arms around Esti and pulled her close. "You could though, Pip! Just one call--"

"I don't have a fucking crush on her okay????" Pip returned to bonk Den on the head several times as Den laughed. "It's not enough for you to have your dick in every girl's pants, you just have to have your nose in everyone's business too, don't you?"

Esti covered Den's mouth with her hands, pouting up at the boy.

"Don't be mean," she spoke softly, "you don't have a girlfriend either, you know."

He gave her a sad look. "You wouldn't wanna be my girl?" he mumbled from behind her hands. "Ouch."

She moved her hands to the side of his face, rubbing his cheeks gently as she hummed. "I'll think about it. I don't think you'd like being loyal."

Pip muttered something under his breath, taking out some lettuce from the fridge and pressing it onto his sandwich, taking a tomato out of the fridge.

"I'd fuck you so good," Den mumbled quietly to Esti. "I'd appreciate you and--"

Suddenly, a whole tomato flung itself hard onto Den's head, cutting him off.

"I can hear you, simp!" Pip huffed. "Language."

"Dude, what the fuck??" Den jumped to his feet and turned to Pip, feeling the back of his head for tomato. "I wasn't even being loud! That's your own fault for listening!"

Esti was snorting, holding her hand over her mouth as she tried to suppress her laughing.

"It's not my fault that I need to constantly be listening to people 24 hours a fucking day that I subsequently pick up the quietest mutters! It's not like I can turn my brain off like you, Den."

Esti took a cushion and covered her face with it, laughing into it as she couldn't help but listen to the two of them.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me stupid?"

"I don't know. Am I?"

Pip was standing in front of the fridge, ready to throw something at Den again if he neared.

Den growled under his breath and carefully skirted around the kitchen until he could safely reach his bedroom, neither one of them facing away from each other. "You wait right there!" Then he disappeared into his room with a loud slam of the door.

Pip let out a breath, closing the fridge whilst holding an onion. "He's probably gonna hide-- what the fuck--" He flinched and ducked when something hit the fridge at high speed and stuck there with a loud smack. By his bedroom doorway, Den was busy reloading another bullet with a suction cup on the end into his Nerf gun.

"ONION!" Pip yelled as he threw the onion at Den, the vegetable bouncing off the Nerf gun as Den baseball-batted it.

"NERF OR NOTHING!" Den shouted back.

Pip ducked down quickly as the onion hit the cupboard, falling onto the floor as Pip peeked his head above the counter, Esti still dying of laughter on the couch.

She reached over at a magazine and rolled it up, walking over to Den and very gently bonking his head. "Hey, no Nerf guns. C'mon, let's just go to your room."

He frowned deeply, turning his attention to her for a split second. "Can't you see we're in the middle of something?"

Too bad Esti distracted him, because in the next second the onion slammed into his stomach like a fastball, making Den double over and clutch his tummy, dropping his gun. "OW, dude!!"

Esti's eyes widened as she looked at Pip. "Hey! Hey, cut it out, or I'll tell HK!"

Pip stared wide-eyed at Esti and very sloooowly closed the fridge. Meanwhile, Den was busy crumpling to the floor and acting like he was dying, groaning and saying stuff like "Time out, bro. Time out, I'm hurt."

Esti rolled her eyes as she sighed, crouching beside Den.

"If you get up I'll let you spoon me." she quietly muttered, resting her hands on her knees.

Den stuck his hand up in the air. "My enemy needs to help me first. We're on a time out so it's okay, I won't shoot or anything."

Pip cautiously approached and grabbed Den's hand, helping him stand up. He didn't even flinch when a nerf bullet twacked him in the chest. "You know nobody falls for your 'timeout' tactics, right? You're getting predictable."

Pip took the magazine from Esti, clutching it tight as he grabbed Den's ear and dragged him to the couch, like an asian mother would.

Esti watched as Pip whacked the fuck out of Den's fat jiggly ass, yelling at him in filipino-- probably curse words.

Den couldn't stop laughing the entire time, kicking his legs and fake moaning very loudly.

"STOP MOANING!!" Pip yelled, taking off his sandal and dropping the magazine to whack him with that, truly authentic asian mom style.

Den did-- partially. His gasps of laughter were now interspersed with choked "ow"s and "fuck"s as he did his best to force out a few more fake moans.