History

Chapter Eight

~Sang's POV~

Chaos.

That's the only way to describe the way my mind is right now.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think this was how the afternoon would turn out. Or how I would stumble upon Kota again. I was supposed to be meeting Sean's chosen family. The guys he loved and respected so much that he called them brothers, though they shared no blood relation. And one of those brothers just happened to be my long-lost love, the father of my child?

It's been six years. Six long years. I'd finally thought I'd gotten over those feelings I'd been harboring for Kota. Sean was everything I wanted in a man. Fun, sweet, understanding. Sure, he was flirty and sometimes pushed innuendos toward me that I wasn't sure how to take, but he never pushed for more than I was willing to give him. Never became frustrated with me about the slow pace I had placed upon our relationship.

Over the years, I'd attempted the dating scene. Even the one-night thing. But I'd never been able to give them the time of day. There had been several deciding factors in objecting to taking that step into an actual relationship. I wasn't ready for something more. Not in my mind, with my body, or my soul. I'd done that once before and had my heart shattered in the process. I knew it wasn't Kota's fault for what happened to us. The Academy, an organization I'd accepted but became more and more skeptical of over the years, had pulled us apart and forced his departure from our lives. Kept him from us, no matter how hard me and others searched for him. Sean was the first person that I felt comfortable enough to try more with. The first that sparked an interest and had me willing to take that leap of faith that my heart was ready to allow someone else in.

Yet, look where it landed me.

Arguing was going on around us. I knew it was wrong to allow Kota to kiss me, but I couldn't help myself, not that I really saw it coming either. These past six years have been so hard and I've missed him so much. More so than I thought possible. I hadn't realized how much he had still meant to me until that moment. How much I had been lying to myself that I could move on. My hands didn't want to let him go. My fingers clutched at the edges of his shirt digging in. I wanted to sink into his arms and pretend that I had never left them. That he had missed me just as much as I'd missed him. If his kiss was anything to go by, I knew that was probably the case.

It isn't until he is forcefully removed from my arms that sense comes back to me, as well as Jameson clamped around my leg. My son doesn't understand how to comprehend what is going on. I never kept the truth of his father from him. Telling him every night how much Kota would have loved him given the chance. I had one picture of us together, Kota and I, that I showed him, telling him stories of our time together. About the love we had for one another and that love had created him. The perfect child. My little genius.

Jameson had the hardest time opening up to people. His intelligence and way of speaking forced embarrassment and harassment upon him at a young age. Not just from others his age, but adults as well. Sean was the first to break him so easily, to get him to open up so quickly. And I understand why now. Sure, Sean had told us about his brothers and how Jameson reminded him of several, but never in a million years would I have thought that one of his brothers was Jameson's actual father.

"Mother," Jameson whispers up to me.

I squat down to his level, forgetting Kota and those around us as I look into his eyes, seeing the hurt, sadness, and confusion swirling around in his irises. I know I need to get him away from all this. Allow him to have his breakdown in private. Compose himself away from the prying eyes of so many others. My heart breaks for him, and myself if I'm being honest, but I have to be strong for him.

"Sweetie, it's okay. We'll explain everything, I promise. Are you okay? Do you want to go inside?"

I know it's what he wants, but I want to make sure. Give him the choice. It's how I've always been with him. I never wanted to take away his decisions, not like how I grew up. He nods his head and I stand, grabbing his hand, and turning to the sliding glass door to head back inside. My eyes briefly flick over to Sean, but he isn't paying me any attention. His sole focus is on Kota and the hurt, anger, and sadness in them has me sucking in a sharp breath. Flicking my eyes about, I only spot one person focusing on Jameson and me.

North.

Instead of anger I figured many of them are feeling toward us, I see only understanding. Even some sadness. Plus the emotion I hate the most from others, pity. He tries to give me a reassuring smile, but it falls flat. I'm not sure what could ease the tension radiating from these men right now, but his smile does nothing for me. Doesn't allow me to relax like I'm sure he's hoping it would.

Walking into the living room stationed just off from the door, I lead Jameson to the couch and allow him to perch himself on the edge of the cushion. My legs give out and I kneel in front of him. It doesn't matter how long I've been out from under my parents' thumb, some habits are hard to break. Whenever I feel I've done something in need of punishment, I kneel. It's not necessarily a conscious thing I do, but I know I do it. And that it is wrong.

My hands reach out and gently grab my son's, looking up into his eyes though they are downcast, I see the tears threatening to spill and it takes a monumental effort to not allow my own to fill. I need to be strong. To explain, even if I don't understand myself.

"Jameson, sweetie. Talk to me."

His throat works for a minute before his replies in a soft voice.

"Do you think he will like me?"

His question breaks me because I have no idea how to answer. Of course, I want to say yes, but it's been six years. I have no idea what Kota is like now. No idea how he will handle the mess that has just been thrown his way.

"I," my voice cracks unexpectedly, "I don't know how to answer that, sweetie. I want to reassure you. Tell you of course he will like you. But I also don't want to lie to you. You understand that right? Heck, I don't even know if he will like me."

Jameson looks up at me then. "And Sean?"

My breath catches and pain lances through my heart. While we've been seeing each other for a while now, I honestly don't know how to interpret my feelings toward him. This pain tells me more than I could put into words. It would wreck me to not have Sean in my life anymore, and from the way Jameson is looking at me after that question, he feels the same.

Yet this is Kota we are talking about. I don't think I could just walk away from that. And he is Sean's brother. His teammate. A member of their family that has been around far longer than I ever was.

After everything that went down six years ago, I dug out some information on the Academy. It didn't hurt that my new family were also members of this illustrious organization. They provided me with the things I needed to know without divulging the things I was desperately seeking. Apparently, my family hadn't known the whole reason behind my needing placement. Only that I was a young girl who came from an abused family and that the Academy thought it best if I lived far, far away from my blood relatives. Nothing was ever mentioned about Kota and his family, Erica and Jessica. Over the years, I'd pieced together tidbits I'd overhear in family gatherings and at the hospital, but still couldn't understand why we had to be kept apart.

I'd learned Kota was a part of a large team for the Academy. A highly sought-after team. They specialized in undercover missions and recovery. I'd known that partially while attending Ashley Waters High School with Kota. There were several boys around my age that had entered into the school my sophomore year and were bullied, harassed, and many other things. Kota had explained some of it, as much as he could since I wasn't supposed to know about it. It was one of the reasons we had to act like we didn't know one another. He didn't want me in the line of fire, from the students or facility. I hadn't remembered much about the other guys that I joined in the school, mainly because I was so love struck by Kota that no one else compared. Yet, I remembered there being quite a few. Several in my classes and I think even a couple in the facility.

Looks like I was now in the heart of that team and things were going to get far more complicated than I ever thought possible.

Is it possible for your heart to break when it was already shattered?