jackson imagines | book 1

Abuse / 2

Y/ n

"jermaine"? i whispered. He was crouched down on the floor.

I screamed backing up onto the floor from the bathroom.

"jermaine what did you take"?? he's having a seizure.

I ran to the living room grabbing my house phone calling 911.

"911 what's your emergency"? someone finally answered the phone.

"yes um, i need the paramedics NOW, m-my friends having a seizure" i nervously said into the phone.

"ok, ma'am what did he take"? the receptionist blankly replied.

"the fuck do you mean what did he take"?

"just calm down please, i need to know what he took ma'am" she blankly replied again.

"lady i don't know what he took just come help me PLEASE"! i yelled into the phone.

I ran up to his shaky body. Laying him on his back. Doing as i remember, because mariah has seizures herself.

"just hold on jermaine they're coming" i cried.

I searched in my cabinet seeing all my bottles of medication in the cabinet but one. It's missing. Then something hit my foot. A bottle of my painkillers next to my foot.
••

After an excruciating 5 minute wait for the ambulance they finally arrived, taking jermaine to the hospital.

I sat impatiently in the waiting room, along with his father and mother who eyed me down.

He's been back there for awhile now, the clock went by, 10 minutes, then 20 minutes, then 30.

I couldn't stop my leg from shaking, the wait was to much.

Then finally the doctor came back. Not with a happy look on his face. I was expecting him to tell me good news.

"well"? katherine anxiously asked.

"um, we managed to pump his stomach clean of the 30 pills he took" he told us with a sad look on his face.

"thank you jesus" katherine sighed with relief.

"but, while in procedure he um..he didn't make it"

Katherine started crying along with the rest of the kids. Joe didn't do anything but sit down and watch everybody crumble around him.

He didn't even look sad or anything just neutral.

I felt like i wanted to cry, i wanted to, but nothing came out. You know that kind of hurt that hurts so bad you can't cry? That's what i felt and it felt horrible.

I walked up to that devil and whispered "i hope you rot in hell joesph"

I can still remember it..

He didn't say anything, he just stared at me, like the fucking lunatic he is. He knew jermaine hated his self, and he wanted this to happen.

What kind of motherfucker tells their children to go kill theirselves and beats the living hell out of them for small things.

I left the hospital going back to my cold and dark home. My sheets still pulled back from me getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom to see jermaine shaky lifeless body on the floor.

My pill bottles scattered on the floor. Along with drops of blood.

And i remember...i lifted up my mattress finding a small piece of paper that had his handwriting on it.

It read: Y/n i love you, i love the way you care for me, i love the way you comfort me and show me unconditional love. But i am not happy, my father told me to i'm worthless, and useless, and to be honest i do feel that way about myself. What i am about to do to my myself is my choice. I don't want you to take it out in my father, for i know you'll do that in the end. Forgive him and me for what i am about to do.

I love you..Jermaine

But in the end i walked away from it all. I felt like i shouldn't have but if i stayed i would have killed him.

-
"and do you still feel this way y/n"? tasha asked me.

" i do"

"but this was 15 years ago" she laughed, "what if he was to walk in here right now? huh? what would you do"? she laughed again.

"well...the simply answer is, i'd kill him"

That's why i'm here right? attempted murder.

(i hate this)

-J5 era 🧚🏼‍♂️