My Personal Miracle

Chapter 3

-Kellin's POV-

*2 hours later*

        "What were you thinking?!" My dad yelled. "Let me guess, you 'don't know'. What kind of bullshit excuse is that? Were you even thinking at all? No, you weren't thinking. Why the hell would you go to someone's house, a boy's house, no less and think it's okay with out consulting us? What were you two doing?"
        "We slept-" I was cut off.
        "You slept together? I thought your mother and I raised you better than that. I thought we raised you to have morals."
        "We just slept! We fell asleep while watching a movie!"
        "You better watch your attitude. You know what? Just go to your room. I don't want to see you the rest of the night. Fix your attitude while you're up there and maybe look up the definition of 'respect' too!"
        I walked up to my room. I locked the door and went to my bathroom. I opened the door to the medicine cabinet and reached for the blade taped under the bottom shelf. I removed my pants and my shirt and sat down on the toilet. A million thoughts ran through my head as a twirled the razor blade in my fingers. I pressed the cold metal against the skin of my upper thigh where countless scars shown in the bright bathroom light. I pressed down and drug the metal across my skin. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I cut about 15-20 more times before I moved to my other thigh, then the inside of my upper left arm and finally my left wrist. I smiled through the pain. Dozens of shallow cuts littered my body. I felt numb. I eventually decided I should clean up the blood, so I dampened a small towel and cleaned my skin. I found gauze and medical tape under the sink. I wrapped my cuts and left the bathroom. I didn't want to be home anymore. I pulled on my skinny jeans, converse, and long-sleeved Sleeping With Sirens shirt and then opened the window to let the air in. Before I climbed out to the tree right outside my window, I pulled my black beanie on my head and grabbed my phone and earbuds. I sat on the window sill, carefully eased out, and climbed down the tree. I put my earbuds inand put my music on shuffle. Pierce The Veil filled my head. I made it to the small park about 10 minutes later, my face streaked with tears. I sat under a tree and pulled my knees to my chest. I started crying harder. I hate crying. It makes me feel like I'm begging for sympathy and pity, and that's not me.

Why would Danny even want someone like me?
He doesn't. He just felt bad for you.
But he brought me into his house. He let me get warm.
He's probably pitying you. He ran into you this morning, literally, remember?
But he's so nice...
Pity
He held my hand when we walked downstairs.
Teenage rebellion. He wanted you to get in trouble
"Shut up." I whispered to myself
Look at you. You're pathetic. Wanting to be saved. No one's going to save you. No one's ging to want you. You're parents don't want to see you. Do they even want you? You were a Mistake. They only got married because they were forced. They would be happier if you were never born. They don't have any other kids because they don't want another you. A screw-up, a mistake, a piece-of-shit daughter. And Danny? He thinks you're pathetic. Why would he want someone like you? If he knew the real you, he would be discusted. He won't want anything to do with you. Cut deeper, swallow some pills and take a swig of liquor to top it off. Nobody wants you, nobody needs you. Do everyone a favor and die. You won't be missed, in fact, they'll be celebrating.
        "Shut up! Shut up, SHUT UP!" I was yelling now. I had ripped my earbuds out of my ears long ago. My ears were covered by my hands. I gritted my teeth and tried to get the voices to stop. My heartbeat quickened and my breath became ragged. My chest hurt and fresh tears ran down my face. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and I was pulled into said someone's chest. The person was stroking my hair. I tried to focus on the gentle rise and fall of the guy's chest. As I did this, I slowly began to be able to hear outside of my own thoughts.
        "Focus on my voice. Try to match your breaths with mine. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..." The voice was saying. After a few minutes of this, I finally calmed down. I opened my eyes to see a relieved expression on Danny's face. "Welcome back." He said with weak smile.
        "I don't mean to sound rude, but what are you doing here?" I asked him.
        "And I don't mean to sound like a creepy stalker, but I saw you climb out of your window. You were crying and I wanted to make sure you were alright. I told my mom I was going for a walk and by the time I got outside, you were gone. I called Paul to ask if he had by any chance seen you walking. He told me he had and that it looked like you were headed here. I ran all the way here. When I finally found you, you had your ears covered, your eyes were squeezed shut, you were crying and you kept saying 'shut up' over and over. I realized you were in the middle of a panic attack, so I ran over and did the only thing I could think of. I held you and tried to calm you down." The boy explained.
        "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't feel the need to help me. You could've left me alone. I would've come out of the attack eventually. I've done it before..."
        "Why would I do that?" Danny asked.
        "You barely know me."
        "And?"
        "You probably won't want to."
        "Why not?"
        "Because... I'm me. I'm the shy, weird girl who always has her music blasting. I wear skinny jean and band-tees and converse and hoodies, all the time. I had, like, two friends at my old school and was never anyone's first pick to hang out with. I was bullied, physically, emotionally, in person and over the web. I'm tolerated. no one really likes me. I'm invisible." I told him. I was shocked once the words were out of my mouth. I've never told that to anyone, not even my parents know I was bullied.
        "You're not invisible to me, Kellin. I'm glad you moved here. I promise I won't let anyone bully you."
        "You crashed into me while riding your skateboard this morning. And don't make promises you can't keep."
        "I won't break this pomise. And I was looking down at my phone this morning because Paul texted me." *BUZZ* Danny's phone vibrated. He took one arm out from aroung me so he could search in his pocket for his phone. He looked at the screen. "Speaking of Paul texting me, he just did."
        "Oh."
        "He wanted to make sure I found you and if I hadn't, he would come help me look for you."
        "Well you found me." I said with a small, weak smile.